Confections and Confessions

Project Hot Bod 2012

2012-01-16T13:34:00.000-08:00

My roommate Shmems (Emily) and I have made the decision to go to the gym every week day this semester. So far, we haven't missed a single day. When there's no school, we get up by 10am and head over to the gym our apartment complex has. We'd go up on campus, but what's the point when we have a perfectly good gym that is hardly ever occupied? We love it. We do cardio, stretching, and weights. This week we're challenging ourselves to stay fifteen minutes longer than we did last week, which felt so good this morning.

I've never been one for the gym. I've gone in the past, I've tried to get into a habit, but it's never really stuck. I've never really felt good about going nor had the desire to go back. This time around, that isn't the case. I feel great. I feel the desire to go every day. If I don't go, like I didn't on Saturday, I feel a little bit lazy and I don't have the same amount of energy. I've been turned into a believer.

Some of my goals for this year with regards to project hot bod 2012:

Go to the gym every weekday
Walk/run at least a mile every day
No soda, limited juice
Lots more water
Only eating out Friday-Saturday night, no exceptions

Having Shmems do this with me is helping me stick to it.

Booya

“Water is the only drink for a wise man"

2012-01-09T16:43:00.000-08:00

I made the goal last November to quit soda for the month. I think I lasted until the 29th when I got this drink called Purple Stuff because it's kind of the "it" drink in my apartment. This semester, I'm quitting soda for the whole shebang. That's right, no soda, no purple stuff, no carbonated water for this girl until April. That is, if I decide I don't want to extend this.

Water is the bomb. I can't get enough, especially here in Rexburg when I never feel hydrated enough. Bring it on.

"Maybe I'm a girl"

2012-01-04T21:59:00.000-08:00

There's a song by the artist Jem called Maybe I'm Amazed and there's a line that says, "Maybe I'm a girl, maybe I'm a lonely girl in the middle of something that she doesn't really understand" and when I listened to that, I thought to myself, "Hey, I think I am that girl." I'm in this stage of life that's so full of crazy, changing things that I really don't know exactly what it is that I'm doing.

There are a lot of things I don't understand.

That being said..."baby, won't you help me understand?"

2011

2012-01-02T18:37:00.001-08:00

January

Culinary Certified. I'm so legit.
Compliment of the year at work. An old man in an ascot told me my smile is worth millions.
Sam returned after two excruciatingly long years
Reapplying to BYU-Idaho.
Job hunting

February

Starbucks. They hired me.
Gs and Gents. The sickest dance party my house has ever hosted
Hot tub nights at Jayson's
Devastation and Katie Roberts being there to comfort me
Rendevouz

March

The birth of my niece, Kate!
Night on the town with the Ladies at Club BANG!
Monster shots
Heartbreak and the realization of a long illusion
Farewell to Brookstone...again.

April

Six Flags pass!!!!!!
PINK HAIR
Heather's WEDDING. She's MARRIED
Hockey games, TV shows, late nights at Erik's
Forgetting

May

Birthday games of twister
D-Box theater and Pirates 4. What a fun night
Pajamas and parties
Overly active social life
Freddie putting up with my cheerful face every.morning.

June

Afternoon naps in the sunshine
Midnight trips to the beach
Hannah moves in!
Freddie and Lorretto sharing me.
Zumba dancing in my living room

July

Dodger Baseball, all you can eat dogs.
Glow in the dark party a mi casa
Duke's with Stefanie. What a perfect evening
France: It's a dream
Whipped cream battle of epic proportions

August

Cliff jumping
The day Freddie made me cry at work. NOT FUNNY
Purchasing my longboard. It's so beautiful..
Monterey trip, complete with penguins, clam chowder, and more exotic cars than I've ever seen before
Farewell Starbucks, it was a great ride.

September

Moving back to Idaho. I followed my gut, it was the right decision.
Trips to the caves and dance parties (gross!)
AWESOME Roommates
Rockin' classes
Conference Roadtrip. So much fun. So much traffic...

October

Erik's visit: straw maze, dance party, games, Big Jud's, Mesa Falls...
My first real asthma attack. It was terrifying
Zombie Apocalypse. It happened.
Nights spent with the 411 guys.
Walking Dead Sundays

November

Friday night sleepovers of awesome
The cold. It happened.
Thanksgiving at home! What a wonderful trip
The best pie crust recipe ever. It's made with lard, so it HAS to be good
Skrillex and Christmas decorating. They go hand in hand.

December

Completely on a whim making one of the best decisions I made all semester (Justin, that's you)
Finishing the best semester of my life. Straight A's for this girl :]
Study parties on campus. It's where the magic happens
Provo adventures with Carly Jo
Finishing off the year happier than I started it, with more to look forward to.

I said many times that 2011 would be my year. For the most part, it was. I think it was an introduction to the rest of my life.

Hello 2012.

"The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed"

2011-12-29T21:35:00.000-08:00

I try to be someone who lives in the present, with an eye on the future. I try to live as an optimist in everything I do. I try to "let the dead past bury it's dead" and move on with things. However, there are times when I slip. There are times when I let the past get me, when I allow pessimism to creep in.

The truth is, I can't change how things have gone in my past. I can't change the way I've acted nor the way others have acted towards me. It's easy to say that these things are just going to be a part of me and that similar situations are going to have the same results. It's easy to fall into habits of sadness and low confidence. It's easy to tell myself that I'm not worth it.

It's times like this, when I feel as though I've fallen under the spell of looking at my feet instead of forward, when I need most of all to pull out every ounce of effort I have and put it towards looking up with a smile. I am who I am because of the things that have happened to me. I am a woman with a bright future, I am above the things and people of the past. I deserve happiness because I know I am worth it.

I am worth it.

“A healthy body is a guest chamber for the soul: a sick body is a prison”

2011-12-24T13:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a pretty good, lazy day. I ran some errands, I planned on going out to Roscoe's with some friends. Around 5pm, though, everything took a turn for the worse. I started to feel sick to my stomach out of nowhere. I figured I must have eaten one too many rootbeer barrels but no, it was the stomach flu.

Last night was one of the worst nights I can remember. I was so so so sick. I couldn't even keep down two mouth fulls of water, which was all I wanted due to the fact that I was severely dehydrated. I tried to sleep it off, but I was either too hot or too cold. I tried a bath, I tried a cold compress. Nothing was helping. I was miserable.

By midnight, however, I was able to keep down some water, which I drank greedily. Around that same time I head noises outside my room and discovered that my younger brother James was sick, too. By 3am, David joined the ranks of the sick. It was then that I was able to finally fall into a restful sleep. 5am rolled around and Aaron banged on my door, asking for the medicine. When I ventured out of bed around 9am, I discovered that my Dad was the only one who remained unscathed by the Stomach Flu of Evil.

Aside from some aches in my body, I feel 100% better. I'm glad it was a short bug, because last night was honestly terrible. It was so awful. And now it's Christmas Eve and my whole family seems disabled. Everyone is in bed, no one wants to do anything except reel from the night from hell.

Merry Christmas to us.

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again"

2011-12-19T12:38:00.000-08:00

After one of the longest weekends of my life, I made it home. No more detours or being crammed in the back of a pick up truck, no more country music, no more numb knees. Being able to finally crawl into my bed Sunday night was joyous. I have a really comfortable bed...

Home is where I go to be refreshed. Home is the place where as soon as I walk in the door and the sound of my suitcase on the tile travels to the back of the house, I hear my father's booming voice shout out, "Heeey!!!" I dropped my things and ran to my parents room, greeted by brothers and parentals with their arms stretched out wide to catch me. I was here just a few short weeks ago for Thanksgiving, but it still feels like ages. To be welcomes home with such vigor was a delight is one of the best feelings.

I'm grateful to be home, I'm grateful for a family that loves me. I'm grateful for the most comfortable bed in the world.

"Home is where the box is"

2011-12-13T13:51:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you about a guy named Justin. He is hard working and studious (in most of his classes.) He's reliable and intelligent, funny and sarcastic. He's motivated and kind. He likes it when I send him Natalie Dee comics like this one:

When I tell him to treat himself to a slurpee after a grueling test, but the slurpee machine at 7-11 is out of order, he gets creative and buys himself something else then snaps a picture to show me how awesome he is.

He encourages me to do well on my homework, listens to me talk forever about my family and my crazy roommates. He keeps me company whilst I study on campus, even though he's not in Idaho. He swaps new music with me and sends me funny youtube videos. I could probably go on and on with all the things this kid manages to do from forever far away.

He's a good listener, he's a good friend. He wanted a blogpost, so he gets a blog post.

Today is a good day.

“Life at best is bittersweet"

2011-12-10T23:03:00.001-08:00

This was the last full week of the semester. It's been all sorts of different for me. I've spent entire days in my room studying, nights out with the girls, trips to Idaho Falls, and on skype dates. Everything feels so bittersweet right now.

I've got some really awesome neighbors. Along with my roommates Kelly and Schmems (Emily), I spend a ton of time with Xanning and Madi. Late in the semester it became a Friday night tradition to drag our mattresses downstairs in either our apartment or theirs, watch a scary movie, and stay up until at least 4 in the morning. It's been refreshing to have solid girlfriends out here. These girls are some of the most ridiculous, hilarious, awesome people I have ever met. We often say that we wish we had cameras in our apartments just to capture all the hilarity that goes down. I'm not sure if anyone really believes that we are as awesome as we say we are.

Basically, things are really good. When I'm not with the girls, I'm either rocking my school work or watching Band of Brothers with Mike and the other guys from 411. With only three days left of school, I feel pretty satisfied where I'm at with all that. It's just...everything is coming to a close and I feel like everything has just started going. I'm settled, this feels like home. I'm established, I've got good friends, I've got killer work ethic.

After this semester Xanning graduates, Madi leaves for winter semester. I won't be in school in the winter and as of right now, I have neither a job nor a car, so it's promising to be an interesting few months in the frozen tundra of Rexburg. It's going to be different, that's what makes it bitter. Sweet because I'll be back, bitter because I'll have some adjusting to do.

Things are changing. I think some things will be good, though.

I'm on the verge of something really good.

"Something tells me I'm into something good"

2011-12-07T22:13:00.001-08:00

Good things happen when you least expect them, where you least expect them. I'm still getting used to it. I think I'm into something good. It's about time, life.

"I don't understand boring guys. I really don't."

2011-12-03T20:55:00.001-08:00

Every once and awhile I get the overwhelming desire to read Catcher in the Rye. I'm not really sure when I fell in love with that book, but I absolutely adore it. I like Holden, but at the same time I hate him. And pity him. He's the misfit, hipster boy that I want to be my best friend. I'm fairly certain that if Holden were actually my friend, I'd hate him.

All the same, I love the book and I love Holden. I wish I had my copy here in Idaho with me. What was I thinking when I chose to leave it at home?

This is what my copy of the book looks like. On a good day.

“Knowledge is ancient error reflecting on its youth"

2011-12-02T15:37:00.001-08:00

Finals are quickly approaching and my brain is melting.

Friday is the day when I don't have any classes and I use the time to work on my online class, but also to relax and prepare for the weekend. Today, however, I got up early, filled my backpack with books and pencils, and headed to the library. I wrote papers, took a quiz, and worked on several projects. I feel incredibly productive today. Seriously, I'm getting things done and it feels so good.

When I consider where I was last December, I've come a long way. This past year has been such a tumultuous one, with huge ups and huge downs. I've said it before, but this year has been my year.

Highlights

Starbucks. This place was such a fun job. When I went home for Thanksgiving, I had lunch with my manager and visited with a couple of my former coworkers. I forgot how much fun I had at that job. I made life long friends, met some celebrities, and learned the art of coffee making. I think steaming milk to perfection will always be a part of my nature now.

Cleaning the ice bin

Erik. This guy is one of my best friends ever. Having him home, living only two blocks away was what saved me from utter despair for a good part of the year. I'm lucky to have a fun, reliable, trustworthy friend.

Erik is a pretty, pretty princess

Moving to Idaho. Seriously, this was the best thing I could have done this fall. I had to choose between staying at home to save up enough money to move to France and moving to Idaho and spending the France money. I gave up France for Rexburg, Idaho. A lot of people would see that as a lame choice, but for me it was the better choice. I have a great apartment, I have great roommate.

My apartment

Grades. This is my best semester ever. In fact, this is the best I've ever done in school. I have straight A's. I am the bomb.

Midterm grades. Still going strong

I could go on and on about the awesome things that have happened this year. True, there were some low points and I could go into those, but instead of viewing those things as negatives, I chose to look at the way they've changed me and helped me become who I am today.

2011 has been a year to remember. I look forward to it's close and the beginning of 2012.

"It's true I've become a skeptic"

2011-12-01T21:11:00.001-08:00

Right now I love Jem.

Said there'd be no going back
Promised myself I'd never be that sad
Maybe that's why you've come along
To show me, it's not always bad

'Cause I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared 'cause my heart has been hurt so

It's true I've become a skeptic
How many couples really love
Just wish I had a crystal ball
To show me, if it's worth it all

'Cause I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared 'cause my heart has been hurt so
Yeah I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared 'cause my heart has been hurt so

And I've got to be sure
'Cause it's been so long
And I cannot take the pain again
If it all goes wrong

'Cause I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared 'cause my heart has been hurt so
Yeah I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared 'cause my heart has been hurt so

I want you so much
I need you so much
I want you so much
I need you so much
(believe me my love
Believe me my love)

"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values"

2011-11-17T17:19:00.000-08:00

For one of my English classes we read Hyrum W. Smith's Your Governing Values are the Foundation of Personal Fulfillment. It was a really interesting piece and, as good literature is designed to, it made me reflect on my own personal governing values. Turns out the following assignment was to write our your top twenty governing values and define them. Perfect.

In no particular order, my top twenty:

1. I love the Lord and will do his will
I've seen the work of the Lord's hand in my life and know that he knows and loves me. I trust him to guide me in the right direction and not lead me astray, and consequently I follow his commandments. I love him and tell him often. I serve him in whatever way I can.

2. I love my family
I love the family I have been blessed with and I love my future family, even though I don't know them yet. They are the driving force behind so much that I do. I want to be more kind and more loving to those that I am eternally bound to.

3. I am desirous to be a good wife and mother
Despite not being married or having children yet, I know that being with them is one of my main goals in life. I hope to be everything I have the capacity to be. I look forward to teaching and loving my children, helping them weather the trials of life. I look forward to sharing a life with a loving husband. I want to be by his side through thick and thin, as someone to lean on and someone to love and hold.

4. I care about those around me
When people I care about hurt, it hurts me. I look after the well being of those I interact with. I find joy in being considerate and helping those in need.

5. I find work fulfilling
I gain a feeling of self accomplishment when I'm doing work that I know is done well. This feeling motivates me to do my best in all the work I perform. There is no satisfaction in doing something that I won't be proud of.

6. I am ambitious
I dream big. I want to make something amazing out of my life. I have goals and I will do what it takes to attain them.

7. I am intellectual
I enjoy enlightening conversation. I find that when something stimulates the mind to grow and think, it's worthwhile. I take pride in being able to hold intelligent conversation.

8. I enjoy performing service
Even the little things, like holding the door open for someone, make my day brighter. It's satisfying to help my fellow man out.

9. I am a peacemaker
I avoid contention whenever I am able to. I'd rather talk things out than get in an argument. When people are upset, I try to calm them down. I try my best not to participate in gossip, but I could always use improvement with that.

10. I am a leader
Whether or not I like it, I was born with leading qualities. I don't have a problem with taking charge, even if cruising in the background sounds appealing. In the future I see myself in a lot of leadership roles, whether it's in the church, school, or work.

11. I am mature
I might have immature moments, but for the most part I'm mature. I know how to act like an adult. I've had a lot of experiences that have caused me to grow up in ways I don't think I anticipated when I was younger. I feel more prepared for the things that lay ahead.

12. I respect myself and know what I deserve
I deserve to be treated well and to be loved. I won't settle for anything that is below me. I am a daughter of God and should be treated like one.

13. I love to love
Almost nothing brings me as much joy as expressing love does. I love to be in love, I love to tell my family I love them. I love to leave love notes for roommates or friends. I love to snuggle and love cats. I love to love God. I love to love.

14. I am healthy
I exercise regularly. I eat well. I have studied food and know better ways of preparing things.

15. I am motivated
I'm a go-getter. I like getting things done, I like being involved. I am reliable and present. I have a positive attitude.

16. I have passion
I am passionate about food. I love to cook, I love to satisfy people by making something that looks and taste delicious.

17. I have a sunny disposition
I'm an optimist. If I'm having a downer day, I chose to surround myself by people are uplifting and then regain my happiness. I find that life is more enjoyable when you're actually enjoying it. Smiling is contagious, I like to do it often.

18. I devour knowledge and education
If I could just read books for the rest of my life, I'd give up facebook, texting, and everything else. But I have to go to school and stuff, so it's okay to tie those other things in. I love learning. My mind is open to new possibilities and fascinated by things of the past. I strive to be a better student and make the most out of my learning.

19. I am financially capable
I paid my way through culinary school without taking out a loan. I live within my means and know what it means to be frugal. I thing really hard about big purchases and save up for them. I know how to compare prices and find out the real value of something. I know how to pay my taxes.

20. I am a good friend
I am someone people can turn to for advice. I like listening and lending a comforting word or two. I enjoy the company of others. I can keep a secret.

There you have it, my top twenty governing values. These are things that guide me throughout my life, helping me determine what decisions to make and what direction to go. These are the things that make me me.

“Home, the spot of earth supremely blest, A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest”

2011-11-13T15:38:00.001-08:00

Dear Husband,

We are going to build a fortress. Together we will transform wherever we reside into a safe house where we can take refuge from the storm. There will be pictures of you and me and our children littering the walls, displaying captured moments of our life together. Our home is going to be a place of happiness and joy where we may live and love and learn together.

Our children will feel refreshed and calm when they return from school, you will have a place to kick off your shoes and read to them after work. I'll bake pies often. We'll listen to fabulous music and dance barefoot in the living room. On Sunday evenings we'll drink hot chocolate and read books in bed together. We'll build a tree house.

We'll have family prayer daily and tell our children often than we love them. I'll let you get a dog if you want. I'm going to cook a big dinner every Christmas, but you have to put up the lights on the house. We'll go on a road trip and see the nation.

I'm so excited for our future. I can't wait to create a home with you.

All my love,

Amanda

This started off as a post about my future home and how it's going to be, how it's going to feel. Somehow it developed into this letter. I find that I am filled with hope and am giddy with excitement to get started on this life, even if the idea of marriage scares me.

Maybe I just want a tree house.

"Cooking is at once one of the simplest and most gratifying of the arts, but to cook well one must love and respect food."

2011-11-11T12:02:00.000-08:00

Last night I did a test run with the religieuses. It was a pretty basic test run, mostly to make sure I have a good solid recipe for pâte à choux. I had some trouble mixing the eggs into the paste, but a little help from an electric mixer and I was good to go. Instead of using a pastry bag (all of mine are in California) I used parchment paper. It worked pretty well, but the downside to using parchment is it's hard to refill it, so you end up using more than one bag. Piping the dough out resulted in slightly odd shaped puffs, so I think when it comes time to make the actual religieuses, I'm going to forego the piping and just spoon the dough onto some parchment. I think that will help them maintain a better shape for filling them.

I had all the intentions of making pastry cream for this test run, but I ended up making whipped cream instead. The cream puffs turned out delicious and relatively easy. They weren't as filled as I would have liked them to be, as a result of the odd shape, but that's what test runs are for. Ideally, I'd like to use manufacturers cream for the filling since it's heavier than the cream you can get at the grocery store, but I haven't the slightest idea of where to get that out here.

Sometime I think my roommates and I are going to make a ton of cream puffs together and freeze them. Then we can have those delightful treats all throughout the winter without the process of making them (which is a relatively easy process, but we're lazy college students.)

Overall, the test run was a success. I realized that for the larger portions I'll have to have a longer baking time; the ones I made last night fell as they were cooling due to being undercooked. The taste of the dough is light, but eggy, just like I hoped. I like the taste of pretty sweet cream in the center to offset the savory flavor of the dough.

I think sometime soon I'll try my hand at some swans.

"“He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.”

2011-11-09T23:53:00.000-08:00

Times come and go, bringing in happiness and sadness and all those other silly emotions. Every moment should be cherished, held dear, woven into what you are. Be it good or bad, pleasant or disturbing. We are made up of a series of little moments strung together, comprising who we are. Who am I to say that won't be a part of me when clearly it is? It's things like that that will shape you and mold you into what kind of person you will be. It's those kinds of things that help you move forward down the path of life.

I don't know what I'm getting at. I'm rambling with my writing. I've got a lot on my mind tonight.

The things we experience have purpose. I look at where I am now and I can see how things have affected me and how I handle situations. I can see the development in my character. Some of the changes I accept willingly, some of them I'm struggling with. Overall, however, I feel good. I feel wiser, better prepared for the challenges that lay ahead. I'm on my way to becoming my most perfect self.

I knew this year would be my year. Looks like I was right.

“Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again”

2011-11-08T16:43:00.000-08:00

I just finished my 25th journal. It took me nearly a year to fill it and now that it's done I feel almost relieved. A lot happened in this past year. Now I literally don't have to carry it around with me. I was listening to Anberlin's album New Surrender and the song Breathe stuck out to me. I feel like that song describes how I feel right now.
It's long overdue, but I've finally closed that chapter of my life. Sam isn't someone I need to waste any more time on. I don't need to dwell on what happened. I'm free.

Breathe
Anberlin

This is surrender
To a war-torn life I've lived.
Scars and stripes forever
In need of change I can't resist.

No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes.
Revolution's not easy
With a Civil War on the inside.

No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

I can finally breathe.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

Hurray for beginning again!

"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first"

2011-11-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

Today in my brit lit class we somehow got onto the topic of nun hats and their shape. My professor went off on a tangent about these pastries he had in France called religieuses which means nun's hat in French, that was the connection between Hopkins and this delectable French pastry. He jumped on google images, showed us a picture, then took a good portion of time telling a detailed story about how one goes about eating a religieuse. Brother Bruggar's stories are so fun. The tangents make that class so worth it. I guess the literature is pretty good, too. I discovered this week that I really like Christina Rossetti.

Anyway, earlier in the semester we were told we would get extra credit if we used British recipes and brought in British desserts, such as figgy pudding and other delightful treats. Unfortunately, the idea of making a religieuse is much more appealing than whipping up some mediocre pudding. It wouldn't really be that hard, it's just pastry cream and pâte à choux. Essentially, it's a giant cream puff with a smaller cream puff on top.

See? Not that hard. I've got experience with pâte à choux and I've watched a pro make it. We had a guest chef (from France!! I wish I remembered his name) come and teach us the proper method for making it. It's a slightly difficult dough to work with, but it's not the hardest thing to do. I haven't made it since culinary school, but my professor told me he'd give me extra credit if I made religieuses for the class. He also said he'd pay for the ingredients. Awesome? Awesome.

I'm going to do a test run this weekend, just to make sure the method I've come up with is going to be appropriate for making my own religieuse. I've never had one, so I'm being daring and making them my way. I'm really excited. This is the kind of thing I live for. If I could just drop out of school and experiment and create desserts, I would. But then I would get fat. And be uneducated. I don't want either of those.

Hurray for religieuses!

"I used to lie in bed in my flat and imagine what would happen if there was a zombie attack"

2011-11-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

Obsessing right now.

"Life is real! Life is earnest!"

2011-10-30T22:59:00.000-07:00

A PSALM OF LIFE

WHAT THE HEART OF THE YOUNG MAN
SAID TO THE PSALMIST

TELL me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream ! —
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real ! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal ;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way ;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle !
Be a hero in the strife !

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant !
Let the dead Past bury its dead !
Act,— act in the living Present !
Heart within, and God o'erhead !

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time ;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate ;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

That is my favorite poem ever. I figured I'd share.

Top 8 things I love about Rexburg

2011-10-26T22:56:00.000-07:00

A couple weekends ago I came to the realization that I really love this small, boring town. It's often complained about that there's nothing to do here, it's so podunk, everyone is super lame, etc. I don't know what people are thinking, but there is SO much to do! I went to the caves one weekend, to Idaho Falls the next, I've gone to dance parties and movie nights, to walmart late at night, and out to the park to longboard. I've gone to events on campus, over to friends houses for movie nights or to play games. There is always something to do out here, you just have to look around you. In addition to the atmosphere of the town, I love being at BYU-Idaho. It's a great school with a great spirit and great people.

That being said, here is my top 8 favorite things about this place.

1. The PEOPLE!

I have fantastic roommates. I've lucked out this semester with girls I don't know too well and girls I haven't ever met. They are all fantastic. We have the same kind of humor, we have the same ideas for how an apartment of six girls should operate. We've already signed contracts for the winter to live with the same six people...that's kind of a big deal.
The ward I'm in is excellent. It's heavily full of girls, but thus far I really enjoy them. The boys, too. Our FHE group is a hodge-podge mix of people, but it somehow works really well. I'm stoked for my ward. And the guys across the street, because I'm over at their apartment almost as much as I'm at my own apartment.
The professors are so amazing. I've made the habit of thoroughly researching my professors on ratemyprofessor before actually registering for any classes and it's made all the difference. I have a ton of wonderful teachers this semester who make me actually excited to come to class and do the homework.

2. The Campus of BYU-Idaho.
Have you SEEN the new BYUI Center? The improvements made on this campus since I've been gone are outstanding. The Manwaring Center improvements are amazing, along with the sky walk and the new gym. The campus is absolutely gorgeous. I love BYU-Idaho.

3. Porter Park
I love porter park. Granted, the fall and winter aren't prime for spending Sunday afternoons napping on the grass, having picnics with roommates and friends, it's still a glorious place. Can't wait for the spring and warm weather.

4. The Food
Now, I know that Rexburg is pretty limited as far as cuisine goes, but there are some good eats here.

Taco Bus. There are two on them, but the one that's worth going to is the one that's right by the round-a-bout, across from Rockland. I prefer the macho burrito with steak, but I hear the carnitas are delicious as well. Authentic Mexican food in small town Idaho. In a bus. So good!
Sammy's famous pie shakes are delicious. I wish I had thought to make a shake with real pie in it... Their concerts are pretty fun, too. I went to a ska concert, ate a banana cream pie shake, and had a good ol' time. Too bad the shakes are WAY over priced...
It took me five semesters to ever get myself into Wingers. It spectacular like I was expecting, due to the hype people have made, but it's not bad. I rather enjoyed it.
Sushi in Idaho seems a little bit strange, but Da Pineapple Grill is tasty. I've spent a couple birthdays there for birthday dinner, enjoying myself some scrumptious sushi. I kind of want some right now...
Frontier Pies has mediocre dinner food, but their pies (excluding the cream pies) are dang good. I haven't had any since I got back to Rexburg, but every time I think of berry pie, their jumbleberry pie comes to mind....mmmm

There are plenty of other places to eat, but they're more fast food , like Taco Bell or Little Caesar's. All the same, there are lots of places I like to eat.

5. The Dancing
I love to dance. I love dance parties, swing dancing, ballroom dancing...pretty much, if it involves moving to music, I want to be there. I'm currently taking a ballroom technique class and I'm loving it. We just started swing dancing and the technique is harder than you'd think, but it's so much fun! I'm stoked.

6. The Snow
Don't get me wrong, the snow is a pain. I haven't yet survived a winter here in Rexburg, so that might change my opinion of the snow, but I can't help but feel giddy and excited when it snows. I think it's beautiful, I'd much rather walk to school in the snow than in the rain, where I'll for sure end up soaking wet by the time I get to class.

7. Movie Marathons
I realize that movie/tv marathons aren't unique to my experience in Rexburg, but they're still a big part. Whether it's Pushing Daisies, The Office, or Hoarders, it's bound to be a good time. It's fun with roommates, it's fun with friends. It's fun with guys from home or guys across the street. It's fun to chat during commercials and tease each other. I feel as though there's this bonding that happens, even though we're all sitting around watching TV. Maybe it's just the people I watch TV with...we get pretty emotionally involved.

8. The SPIRIT here!
Feeling the Spirit is awesome. I feel it here all the time and it rocks. I'm taking two religion classes, Pearl of Great Price and Family Foundations. Those, combined with devotional, church, and random other moments of spirituality, make life here in Rexburg abundant with spiritual experiences. I find that I'm more in tune with the spirit and less likely to focus on the downer things in life. I feel my trust in God strengthened every day by even the littlest of things. Having the spirit ever present here at BYU-Idaho makes things just that much better.

I was going to make this a list of ten things, but this blog has been at least a month in the making, so it's time to post it. I love Rexburg, it's as simple as that.

“Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken.”

2011-10-23T22:27:00.000-07:00

Why do I like pie so much?

I've been obsessing over Pinterest lately. It's a neat way to collect visuals of the things I like. One of my favorite boards is a collection of pies and tarts I've come across. There are some classic ideas, innovative ideas, savory, ultra sweet... It's a variety of delicious treats with the same basic structure.

I love pie. It's no secret, I really love pie. Something about the rustic appeal just draws me in. It's the combination of flaky, buttery crust and sweet, but slightly tangy fruit. If I could drop out of school and just bake pies all day, I would.

I find that making my own dough, making creative crusts and preparing the filling with love is therapeutic. It's something that takes my mind off things and I get lost in the process. It's hard to explain why it's so lovely to me, it just is. I think my calling in life is to be a pie baker. And so today I made a pie.

“Music is an outburst of the soul"

2011-10-20T22:19:00.000-07:00

I was listening to music on Spotify today when I came across a Hello Saferide song I hadn't heard before. It's called I Wonder Who is like This One and likens people to songs.

It's fantstic. I'm obsessed. Here are the lyrics:

People are like songs, it’s true

Some seem dull at first but then they grow on you

Me, I’m like ”Can’t get you out of my head”

Annoying at times, but I make you wanna dance

But you are the only one I’ve met who’s ”God only knows”

I liked you the first time I met you

And it grows and grows and grows

People are like songs, I swear

Some found you as a child, and still they’re always there

A boy I once knew was ”Anarchy in the UK”

Burned out too quickly but in such a beautiful way

And you are the only one I’ve met who’s ”God only knows”

I liked you the first time I met you

And it grows and grows and grows

People are like songs, I’ve been told

Some claim your ears but you never hear story unfold

Oh, ”Lady gaga” or ”Your high school friends”

Reminds you of times when you were someone else

Then ”God only knows” and you pared up as two

As the turn of the seasons you come and go

I can never claim control of either of you

You’re too sweet to be just mine alone

And I try to stay humble over the fact that

Sometime when the time is right you will pass my door

The crescendo comes and…

And ”God only knows” and you have the same sad similarity

That every time it’s over I want to press play again

But the only difference appears to be

I can force it on one of you and on the other I can’t

I'm the kind of person that puts songs to people, moods, certain events, etc. I find joy in lyrics and I like music more when I can connect to the words I hear. It's something that stirs the soul and fills me with so much emotion. Music and poetry become the marriage of expression that I love.

Goodness, I love a good song.

“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction”

2011-10-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

Remember that one time I said I go with my gut? Yeah, carpe diem seems to be the driving factor behind many of the things that I do.

I was planning on moving to France in January. I was really excited, I looked into a lot of costs and I dug out my old passport. At the time, I really felt good about it because it was time that I did something. Living at home, working at Starbucks was getting monotonous and I needed a change of scene, a change of people. France sounded great. France still sounds great.

I'm not where I was in August when I made that decision. I feel as though I've undergone an internal change between then and now, understanding more who I am, who I want to be, and what direction I'm heading. I know now that I'm a better student, more prepared for life at BYU-Idaho. I've made some connections out here in Idaho with people who work at the local bakers and I feel strongly that I'm going to find a job for the winter.

Yep, I'm staying in Idaho. I've signed a contract, its a done deal. I feel kind of bad for backing out of the France plan, but financially it wasnt going to work out. It costs a lot of money to travel and live overseas. Besides, living here in Idaho makes sense. I'm doing well in school, I have solid friends, and its hard to beat the spirit in this town. I feel uplifted by the people that surround me and I feel happy.

I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Things are turning around and working out for me. It's about time, life. Let's keep things going this way.

"Starbucks represents something beyond a cup of coffee"

2011-09-15T17:39:00.000-07:00

How Starbucks taught me to study: a tale of lattes and literature

I'm not afraid to admit that I've been a bad student in previous semesters. My study habits, although they've existed, have been rather poor. Sleep deprivation at night resulted in naps during class instead of attending class. I want to believe that I was a good student and the classes were just that hard, but truth is that I really just wasn't that into school. I did fairly well, enough to get by with average grades, but I know I'm better than that.

Here I am at a the start of a new semester after having taken two years off. It's intimidating and huge and I'm scared out of my mind, BUT I have this overwhelming feeling that this is the semester where I figure things out and do well. Throughout this first week of school I've been so on my game. I've gone to all my classes on time (17 credits worth) and I've spent time in the library getting assignments done and many hours at home studying in my room instead of playing with my roommates. Every time I open my computer, instead of opening up Facebook first thing, I open up my byui account and get a couple assignments done. And then I get on facebook and watch kid history and laugh my face off.

What happened to cause the change? I think working full-time at Starbucks did the trick. I got into the habit of going to work for 9 hours, starting at 5am. I worked hard at my job to be the best barista I could be and now I feel ask though I have a work ethic that far surpasses the one I had when I was at school before. Basically, Starbucks taught me how to study.

This is my semester.

"Its really hard to be roommates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs"

2011-09-11T20:20:00.000-07:00

This is round 5 for me at BYU-Idaho. Two years on, two years off, now I'm back.
I'm in a new apartment with new roommates and a new (hopefully last) major. I'm all settled in and I'm already loving my roommates.

I feel as though this is going to be the semester that I really figure out what I'm doing, and not only in school. I think I'm going to end up with a clearer idea of what I'm going to do with my life. I'm going to figure out what direction I need to take, whether or not I should stay in Idaho, how I'll be able to afford France, where I need to be. I'm twenty-two and I still need some direction with what I'm doing. There are so many options available to me, but everything has it's pros and cons. Sometimes I'm worried about making the wrong decision.

But I really feel like things will make more sense this semester. Hurray!

"France has more need of me than I have need of France"

2011-07-14T22:02:00.001-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am moving to Southern France in January. I'm going to a pastry program and internship in Le Cap d'Agde.

I.
Can't.
Wait.

“College is a refuge from hasty judgment"

2011-06-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

I've been home for two years. I've left home maybe three times in those two years. This fall I am moving out again and it feels SO great to be sorting through things, busting out the dusty college boxes.

There's a level of comfort that comes with being home. I have my own room, I come and go as I please, I do my share in the house (dinner, dishes, laundry) and in turn I don't have to pay rent or for food. I like that my things are here and, despite being a culinary term, everything is mise en place, or, in it's place.

I'm getting ready to leave home again and move into an apartment with a roommate. I haven't had a roommate since 2007 and I'm not sure yet if I'm ready for one. I like having my own space, you know? My own bedroom is a place where I can take refuge from everyone around me, where I can clear my head, relax, and regroup. Well, things changed pretty suddenly as far as the roommate situation goes. My cousin Hannah moved in with me on Sunday. I had known it was a possibility, but I didn't know for sure until Friday afternoon. I used Saturday, my day off, to clean and rearrange my room in preparation for her arrival. Thus far, I'm okay with the arrangement. In fact, I kind of like it.

I've never been really close with any of my cousins. I think it's partially because I've grown up not being crazy about visiting my extended family, but also because I fall kind of in the middle of all the cousins and haven't many cousins my age. Hannah is several years younger than me, but she's easy to talk to and gets along well with people. I'm excited to have her here and to develop a close relationship with her. I'm excited to introduce her to the singles ward and all the awesomeness that it can be. I'm ready to get out of my own personal space and learn to live with someone again.

All around I'm excited. For the summer, for Hannah, for the big move in the Fall.

“Pirates could happen to anyone"

2011-05-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

Oh look, I'm in a youtube video

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”

2011-05-25T16:54:00.000-07:00

I've found that as soon as things kick into gear, this blog goes dead. Completely. Sometimes I even forget that it exists. As for the 50 days thing? Yeah, I'm over it. The facemorph was weird and then I just got bored and it started feeling like an obligation, not something enjoyable. Back to regular blogging.

Today, on my day off, I went out to the outlets with Erik, to the mall to fill out rehire paperwork for Brookstone (I will never really leave them...this is the fourth time I've gone back, even if it is just for one week), and then we went roller blading. Holy. Cow. It was such a simple little thing, skating from Erik's house to the bike path through the soccer fields, but I got my trash kiiiicked. Hills are not my friends. Going up them is not fun. Going down them is a death trap. However, I only fell once, so that's got to count for something.

Roller blading is rad, but it's exhausting.

Check out these bad boys. Their previous owner was an eleven year old boy.

Day 23: One of my current favorite tunes

2011-04-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

Last year I dated this guy who was mostly into heavy metal music that I couldn't stand. However, he did share a few gems with me that I love. This is my most favorite. I could listen to this song on repeat all day.

"Sideways"

Citizen Cope

You know it ain't easy

For these thoughts here to leave me

There's no words to describe it

In French or in English

Well, diamonds they fade

And flowers they bloom

And I'm telling you

These feelings won't go away

They've been knockin' me sideways

They've been knockin' me out lately

Whenever you come around me

These feelings won't go away

They've been knockin' me sideways

I keep thinking in a moment that

Time will take them away

But these feelings won't go away

Day 22: A photo that makes me happy

2011-04-04T14:16:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I went skydiving. On my 21st birthday. It was amazing. I want to go again. My birthday is right around the corner....

day 21: My favorite TV program

2011-03-23T01:07:00.000-07:00

There's this show called Community and I love it. It's about a mishmash group of people at a community college who met by forming a spanish study group. The characters are hilarious, the situations they encounter are ridiculous, the school is very much like a community college...it's just a good time. I love it. I bought the first season on DVD for super cheap on amazon. I recommend checking it out.

Day 20: A letter to someone who changed my life

2011-03-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

When I first started this whole 50 Days thing, I saw that there were several letters to be written and I thought nothing of it. Now that it's actually time to write those letters, I struggle. I can't seem to find anything I want to say. My mind goes entirely blank of people who fit whatever category it is. It's silly, I know, because there are several people I've encountered that have changed my life. I feel as though my life is constantly being molded by the effect others have on me.

After having that previous paragraph written for over a week, I finally realized who I ought to write to, so here it goes...

Dear Heather,
You've been my best friend for nearly four years now. We've helped each other through rough patches, had some of the greatest adventures, and survived living together. You are awesome. Because of you I feel as though I've had someone to lean on, someone to laugh with, someone to pick me up when I feel like I've hit rock bottom. You don't judge me when I do stupid things or cry over boys or mess up pretty bad. You've listened to my concerns about life and in turn trusted me with your secrets. I'm lucky to know you, to be friends with you, to have developed such a good relationship with you.
Becoming friends/roommates with you was one of the best decisions of my life. Thanks for being my best friend.
Love youuuu!!!
Amanda

Then

Now

Day 19: Share a Goal

2011-03-10T12:24:00.000-08:00

I make a lot of goals for myself. They're usually simple, like keep my room clean or go to bed early 3 times this week, but it always feels good to reach them.

Lately I've experienced a little slump that cause me to make a new goal for myself. It's one I can renew every day. Be a little happier, smile a little more, live in the moment. For the most part, I've been doing alright on this. I've found little things to make me enjoy life more and bad things aren't getting me down as much. It's an easy goal, but it makes such a difference.

Be happy. Love life.

Day 18: Whatever tickles your fancy

2011-02-28T22:26:00.000-08:00

I'm swapping day 18 and 19 because I feel like writing about what I want to write about right now.

Carpe Diem. Seize the day. It's pretty much the motto of my life. I'm the type of person who acts on impulse, so if something sounds good and I feel like doing it, I put all my energy towards doing that one thing. I'm not sure if this is a good thing because I feel like I often times change my mind halfway through powering towards one goal in order to pursue something else. But eventually some things get done and it feels awesome. For example...culinary school! Road trip across the US! Skydiving! Getting a job at the bread basket! Things work out.

My latest fiasco (fyi-fiasco is the word of the day. I've used it at least seven times) started last Tuesday. My mom suggested to me that I move to Idaho in the Spring instead of waiting until the Fall and I became obsessed. It felt like a great idea, I haven't had any luck with finding a job out here, and I'm simply ready for a change of pace. I need new faces and new scenery. I spent forever looking into apartments out there, figuring out which ones still had rooms open for the spring, which ones I could afford, where people I knew were staying... I found an apartment, I got all the papers ready to be sent back with the deposit...but then I was told I'm ineligible to even live in BYUI housing until I have a track assigned to me.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with how BYU-Idaho works, there are three semesters: Spring, Fall, and Winter. When you apply, you are assigned two semesters to attend (your track) and then one semester to have off (your off track.) This enables the school to have many more students than it's capable of having on a normal school schedule. It worked out great for me before because I was on the Spring/Fall track. I attended school in Idaho April-December and then went home January-March. No cold Idaho winters for me! However, I'm now in a rut because I have to be reassigned a track since I took so much time off. I can't live in BYUI housing until the semester I'm accepted to starts. I don't find out for at least another two weeks. If I'm moving into this apartment complex that I want, I need to sign a contract pretty much now or it'll fill up. It's an awful situation to be in and the housing/admissions offices aren't helping at all.

But I was saved! I got a call today from a grocery store I applied to a couple months ago. I applied for the bakery, but they had a position in their Starbucks open up and they liked my availability. I went out there and interviewed and they offered me the job on the spot. 35 hours a week, Sundays off, great pay. I start training on Wednesday. BYUI will have to wait until September. Bittersweet.

So, carpe diem. It might be my saving grace, it might be my demise. For now, it's making things hectic, but so good.

You may call me The Mormon Barista.

Day 17: A photo that makes me sad

2011-02-26T02:09:00.000-08:00

I don't get this. Why would I want to post something that makes me sad? Really, WHY? This past week has been so full of ups and downs and pains and hurts and good cries and bad cries and simply not wanting to move, I beg the question WHY? Can't I post something that makes me happy? I mean this is my blog. I should get to make the rules.

This is my cat, Buckle. This picture makes me happy because this is the coolest cat ever (except for maybe Jello. He had a sweet mustache) and he loved me probably as much as I loved him. When I went away to college and my mom put my bedsheets in the laundry room, he curled up on them and slept there. She took a picture and sent it to me, but I can't find it anywhere. That picture is one of my favorites.

This picture makes me sad because he died a couple years ago. He just never came home a couple weeks before I came home for Christmas. I was devastated. I still am. I drive my mom crazy with how often I ask for a cat.

Day 16: Five Celebrity Crushes

2011-02-24T19:14:00.000-08:00

This is a post I can get excited about. Thinking of my celebrity crushes wasn't hard for me at all, so without further ado, here you go.

1. John Cusack (mostly the young John Cusack)

He's a babe in Say Anything and completely adorable in Better of Dead. I even love more recent movies of his, like Martian Child.

2. Lee Pace

Um...have you seen the show Pushing Daisies? Or the movie The Fall? Yeah. He's fantastic. And gorgeous.

3. Andrew McMahon

Despite being all tattooed up and having a pretty foul mouth, this dude has mad talent. He plays the piano and he plays it well. His song writing/piano playing is why I love Jack's Mannequin and Something Corporate so much.

4. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Fell in love with him with 10 Things I hate about you, still in love after Inception and 500 Days of Summer.

5. Daniel Craig

Yeah, he's James Bond.

Day 15: A Letter to Someone I want to meet

2011-02-23T11:28:00.000-08:00

Dear future husband,

I picked you to write this letter to because you give me hope. I find that at times like this, when nothing seems to be going right, I remind myself that you are actually out there and you're looking for me. It helps lighten the mood. I'm sure you're great. Here's hoping we cross paths soon, but I don't mean that we need to get married soon, just that I hope we meet soon.

And I hope you like cats.

Day 14: A Song from my Childhood

2011-02-17T13:13:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl I read a lot of books with my parents. One of my favorite books to have my mom read to me was called My Father. It had beautiful watercolor pictures and the story was a song. Listening to my mother sing that to me while we read is one of my favorite memories.

My father always promised us
That we would live in France
We'd go boating on the Seine
And I would learn to dance

We lived in Ohio then
He worked in the mines
On his dreams like boats
We knew we would sail in time

All my sisters soon were gone
To Denver and Cheyenne
Marrying their grownup dreams
The lilacs and the man

I stayed behind the youngest still
Only danced alone
The colors of my father's dreams
Faded without a sound

And I live in Paris now
My children dance and dream
Hearing the ways of a miner's life
In words they've never seen

I sail my memories of home
Like boats across the Seine
And watch the Paris sun
As it sets in my father's eyes again

My father always promised us
That we would live in France
We'd go boating on the Seine
And I would learn to dance

I sail my memories of home
Like boats across the Seine
And watch the Paris sun
As it sets in my father's eyes again

Day 13: Whatever tickles my fancy

2011-02-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

Bucket lists. Bucket lists tickle my fancy. I've been thinking about mine lately and then a friend of mine posted a link to his, so that got me thinking that I should probably start keeping an actual list of what I want to do during my life. You know, in case I forget. Or at least so I can cross things off and feel accomplished.

So here is my bucket list. It's a work in progress, since I keep coming up with new things I want to add to it, but here it is anyway. If I ever do something on here, I'll post about it.

1. Ride in a helicopter
2. Scuba dive
3. Play the guitar well
4. See Phantom of the Opera on stage
5. Cage dive with sharks
6. Ride in a hot air balloon
7. Visit the pyramids
8. Live in another country for 3+ months
9. Open my own bakery
10. ~~Skydive~~
11. ~~Convert to longboarding~~
12. ~~Night boogie boarding~~
13. Publish my journals under my pen name
14. Run a half marathon (or a marathon, but that's aiming pretty high)
15. Visit each of the 50 states (already been to 24...almost half way there!)
16. Shave my head (just kidding. I wish I were that brave)
17. Make a wedding cake. A legit, big one
18. New Year's at Times Square
19. New Year's in Paris
20. Temple Marriage

To be continued...

Day 12: Self portrait

2011-02-12T11:39:00.000-08:00

I had a party last night. A gangster party. I moved all the furniture around, a friend made a huuuge brick wall thing with graffiti on it and we put it up on the dance floor. My alter ego, Lil Shawty, showed up. She's pretty chola and not really nice. And she only has one face.

She's got some sketchy friends, but they sure do know how to bust a move.

It was a fun night. Thank you, mom and dad, for going out of town and making this party happen. I promise it wasn't too loud. We even took a little walk to make sure the sound wasn't carrying too much, then we shut the front doors to spare the neighbors.

Day 11: My favorite recipe

2011-02-09T15:42:00.000-08:00

I was torn between posting a pie recipe and this chicken recipe. When I thought about it, I figured most of you would benefit more if I posted the chicken recipe...so here you go. This is what I have every year on my birthday. It's my favorite. I've even turned this into an ebelskiever recipe and used the sauce for dipping. It was delicious.

RITZ GRILL CHICKEN

Serves 8

8 skinless boneless chicken breast halves
1 cup (approx.) extra-virgin olive oil
½ cup snipped fresh rosemary
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
¼ cup clarified butter*
1 cup butter
¾ cup white grape juice
4 shallots, minced
2 lemons, juiced
½ cup chopped parsley (optional)

Slightly flatten chicken breasts, so they are similar in thickness (I like to cover them with plastic wrap. it helps contain the mess). Brush both sides with olive oil and sprinkle with rosemary, salt and pepper. Over moderately high heat, melt 2 tablespoons oil and clarified butter in large skillet. Cook chicken 3 to 5 minutes each, until just barely done (meat thermometor should read 165). Keep warm. Meanwhile, combine juice and shallots in saucepan. Cook over high heat until reduced by half. Add butter, lemon juice, parsley, salt and pepper. When butter is partially melted removed from heat and whip with a wire whisk to thicken slightly. Pour some sauce over chicken breasts and serve the rest on the side.

*Clarified butter:

Plain butter will burn and speckle rapidly (especially when cooking over high heat) because of the milky residue it contains. When you clarify the butter you rid it of that residue. Cut butter into smallish pieces and bring it to a slow boil in a fairly roomy saucepan. Listen and watch for several minutes until crackling and bubbling almost cease. At this point watch that the butter does not burn and darken. Pour the clear yellow butter through a tea strainer into a jar. It will and will keep for several months in the refrigerator.

Takes about 30 minutes.

Day 10: A letter to the person I hate most...or someone who hurt me

2011-02-05T16:26:00.000-08:00

I thought the letter to my crush day gave me a hard time...I'm having a lot of trouble coming up with something to write here. I don't even know who I'll write to.... I suppose this will have to do.

Dear Friend,

To this day I'm still not sure what happened between us. I don't know what I did to make you loathe me, I don't know how we went from being so close to so far so quickly. It makes me sad because I have a lot of good memories with you.
But you hate me and you hurt me. You said cruel things to me, you turned people against me, you made me doubt whether or not I was a good person. I remember the last night we spoke. I came home sobbing so hard, my mom thought someone had been hurt. I couldn't catch my breath. You were just so cruel. So cold. No one has ever spoken to me like that before.
I prayed for you that night. I cried for you and your pains. I cried because I knew you were losing faith in what I hold dear. I prayed that you would have strength, that you would find happiness. I don't know if you have.
All the tears and unkind words aside, I'm glad everything happened they way it did. It set me off down a path that undoubtedly has put me where I am today. I have strong friendships and people I love, I have fond memories with good roommates, I have no regrets. I'm glad you set me down this path, letting me meet the people I have met.
I still wish you happiness.

From,
An old friend

Day 9: My favorite tumblrs

2011-02-03T23:57:00.000-08:00

What is a tumblr? I have absolutely no idea. Is it a mini blog? A twitter-type thing? I'm still confused. Up until a couple weeks ago, I don't think I could have even said I knew it even existed, let a lone had favorites. However, I do have a favorite (also my least favorite, since it's the only one I've ever read) and it's call To My Wife. It's sweet. I like it. I like imagining that my future husband thinks of these types of quirky things that he's going to want to say to me one day.

Day 8: A recent Photo

2011-02-02T21:03:00.000-08:00

Last week I decided on a whim to dye my hair. I've been told by my hair dresser, and dear friend, Katie that I should try going darker. While I was at the store picking out a color, they seemed to be all out of their darker browns. I ended up picking one that's almost black.

It took me a little while to get used to the drama of the color change, but I like it. I've had several people ask me if I dyed my eyebrows to match, but I didn't. That's my natural eyebrow color with my unnatural hair color. Somehow it all works.

Day 7: A Funny Youtube Video

2011-01-31T23:49:00.000-08:00

I watch a lot of videos on youtube. A lot of them are hilarious. This one never fails to make me laugh...

There's something about laughing babies that gets me.

Day 6: What did I eat today?

2011-01-31T00:11:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, today was a day when I didn't eat very spectacularly. I didn't even cook anything, really. It was in and out and off to church most of the day.

-Toast for brunch
-Cranberry raspberry juice (my faaavorite)
-A tangerine
-A fortune cookie
-Corn
-Lasagna
-Garlic bread
-Berry smoothie

Donezo.

Maybe I should have eaten more today...

Day 5: A letter to my crush

2011-01-29T16:44:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, I'm not a huge fan of this one. I choose for my letter to consist of song lyrics.

The Quiz by Hello Saferide

You look nice alright
and I like the way you nod after everything I say
like it actually means something
to you

And I like your record collection
Townes and Jens with a hint of Rickie Lee
And you've cleaned up the bathroom, made a really nice soup
but a bit too much sci-fi in your shelf of DVDs

But there's some things you need to know about me:
I'm weak right now, so weak right now
I need proof before I dare to open this heart
so I prepared a quiz for you:

Would you freak out if I said I liked you?
Do you walk the line?
Is your IQ higher than your neighbour's?
And is it very much higher than mine?

Can you sleep when I grind my teeth?
Do you look away if I slob when I eat?
Will you let me be myself?
Can you at all times wear socks?
because I'm still scared of feet

Do you talk in the middle of Seinfeld?
Do you read more than two books a month?
Do you get racist or sexist when you've had a few?
Is it fine if I make more money than you?

Have you slept with any people I work with?
Is there anyone you'd rather wish I'd be?
Do you still keep pictures of old girlfriends?
Are they prettier than me?

And if I fall, would you pick me up?
If I fall, will you pick me up?

Day 4: Photo of me ten years ago

2011-01-28T19:44:00.000-08:00

Ten years ago I turned 12. My birthday was also crazy hair day. And the day my mom totaled the suburban.

I'm not sure if I've gotten any taller since then...

Day 3: The Favorite Movie

2011-01-27T20:26:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of movies that I could call my favorite, but I'm gonna stick with the one that generally comes to mind first. The Fall.

There aren't words for me to describe how much I love this movie. It's visually stunning, the plot is simple but heavy, the humor is quickly but very funny, and the acting is superb. I'm a Pushing Daisies fan, so falling in love with Lee Pace's portrayal of Roy wasn't unexpected. However, the real star of the movie is Catinca Untaru, a 10 year old girl from Romania. I just want to squish her face because she's so adorable. She plays the part of Alexandria pretty much flawlessly. I have no criticisms for her, especially because she didn't even speak English before the shooting of this film began. She is one heck of an actress.

This movie tugs at my heartstrings. It makes me ache for Roy and his pain, melt with Alexandria and her love for him, and sit in awe at the beauty it shows. It's about a stunt double in the 1920's who's been hospitalized. He befriends a young immigrant girl and begins telling her this story, which we see the way she imagines it in her mind. I don't want to give away the whole plot, but it is a heavy movie. The themes presented are fairly dark but portrayed so well. I love this movie.

I recommend this movie to anyone who wants to dive into a beautiful, mature film.

"What a mystery this world, one day you love them and the next day you want to kill them a thousand times over."

Day 2: My day in bullet points

2011-01-27T00:04:00.000-08:00

I wish today had been more exciting...

Woke up and drove my brothers to school
Went back to sleep
Woke up yet again
Showered
Went to For Heaven's Cakes, Nothing Bundt Cakes, and The Valley Bakery to apply
Practically forced the girl at The Valley Bakery to take my resume
Went home
Made a sandwich (it was delicious)
Watched an episode of Arrested Development
Put gas in the suburban
Picked up my brothers
Got some laundry going
Picked up the other brother
Got bread from Great Harvest
Did some dishes
Folded some laundry
Made some dinner
Did some more dishes
Ate dinner
Went to Institute
Went to Linnea's and talked and watched Monk
Came home and blogged.

What a boring day. But it's so...typical of my life.

Day 1: An introduction

2011-01-26T01:50:00.000-08:00

I've seen other people do this and it seems like a pretty fun idea. Plus, I need a few reasons to blog. I've been a lazy blogger. I mean, blogging about Ikea shopping carts? Really, Amanda? So without further ado, an introduction to me:

My name is Amanda. I was homeschooled for 8 years but managed to not end up with any socialization issues. I've completed two years of college and changed my major five times. I went to culinary school. I've been skydiving and loved it. I have a bucket list. I'm obsessed with cats. And penguins. I write in my journal too much, watch too much TV, and spend too much money on books for my kindle app just so I can read whatever I want whenever I want. I play more solitaire than should be allowed.

I'm driven by passion for life, learning, and love. I fear spiders more than almost anything. If I don't paint my nails, I'll bite them. I'm short and I like to dye my hair. I really enjoy coconuts. When I think about things too much, Carpe Diem creeps into my mind and I usually end up doing something reckless, but often the result is satisfying, or I at least learn a big lesson from it.

I'm a glutton for sleep. The end.

"Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old"

2011-01-14T00:42:00.000-08:00

Have you ever pushed a cart at Ikea? Well, all the wheels rotate enabling you to push the cart forward but also spin it around at the same time. I can see why my sister finds this annoying, but I find it flat out amazing. Even more so when children are involved.
In the warehouse part of the store they have these big flat carts, so you can load them up with boxes full of things that need to be assembled. These carts move in the same fashion and are ideal for lugging small toddlers on.

Exhibit A

The warehouse is just like Costco or Homedepot with tons of big huge isles, just begging for someone to run up and down them. I had Ava and Seth hold onto the cart while I started to run at the beginning of an isle. As we picked up speed, I jumped up on the cart with one foot (the other served as an emergency break) and we'd glide down the isle, turning from side to side as I shifted my weight. I'm fairly certain I enjoyed this more than the kids, although I'm pretty sure they loved it. Ikea is rad. Don't believe me? Look up Ikea carts on youtube.

“Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction"

2011-01-13T00:32:00.000-08:00

I wasn't scheduled to work this week on account of my being hired as a seasonal employee. Because of that I've found myself being super lazy. I'm not sure what it is about not having anything I have to do that makes me think it's okay to sleep until after 12, but that's what I've done. I feel so lazy. I relish the beautiful sleep, of course, but at the same time I feel like I ought to be doing more.

Today I woke up around 8 and found that I couldn't fall back asleep. I got out of bed, prepped for the day, then went and made a cake. A dear friend of mine just returned from his mission in Indiana and I figured it would be fun to welcome him home with a cake. Really, it was nice to have a reason to bake. I like baking so much but even more so I love baking for someone. Seeing someone enjoy something I've made is one of the things that makes cooking so wonderful.

Anyway, I made this cake. The buttercream recipe is sweet, but delicious.

I went and picked up my culinary certificate. Now all I need is a frame so it can go on my wall.

I spent the entire evening at Sam's house playing card games. It was a blast.

Best day I've had in a long time. I should start getting up earlier and baking things.

Except I'll probably sleep in tomorrow instead.

Update:: I was up before 9:30 to go to Ikea with my sister. That's like getting the best of both worlds

"Feeling a little blue in January is normal"

2011-01-05T16:59:00.000-08:00

Suddenly I've found myself on January 5, 2011 wondering how on earth I got here. I feel like time just slipped through my fingers, but I was too busy looking somewhere else to even notice it passing.

Where did Thanksgiving go? Christmas? New Year's? All throughout this holiday season I felt anxious for the actual holiday. I felt them sneaking up on me, making my mind swirl with how quickly they were approaching. And then they were gone. Done. So much anticipation and preparation for events that stuck around so briefly, I hardly even noticed them. Don't get me wrong, I had wonderful holidays and I remember them fondly. I'm just dumbfounded that they're already gone. That we're already hurdling through 2011 and, before you know it, we'll be preparing for the holidays again.

2011 is going to be my year. I don't know what is going to happen to make it so, but I can just feel it. I'm so close to a pivotal moment of my life. Maybe it's going back to college, maybe it'll moving away from home, maybe it'll be switching jobs. I've already started the application process so I can be prepared for school in the Fall. I'm already thinking about cars I might want to buy.

I'm excited for this year. Kind of sad that last year is already over, but I'm ready for the changes that await me.

2011, show me what you got.

"Being single is pretty good. It's a nice sense of irresponsibility"

2010-12-14T00:31:00.000-08:00

What's up with all the engagements/marriages as of recently?
I'm overwhelmed with wedding invitations and pictures of engagement rings. I mean, I'm genuinely stoked that so many of my dear friends have found love and are choosing to be married in the temple for time and all eternity, but it's a huge wave of them! I feel like there was a big "let's fall in love" party and somehow I missed it.

But it's chill. I've been making plans and making pies.

My best wishes to all you engaged/newly wed couples!

“There is no sincerer love than the love of food"

2010-12-01T20:54:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it's just the stunning pictures my sister took or the fact that I actually pulled off all those recipes, but I am so proud of what I made for my graduation party. I am a chef. This is reality.

Photos by: Anchor and Bird Photography

Edit:: I know sincerer isn't a word. It's a direct quote from George Bernard Shaw.

“A compliment is verbal sunshine”

2010-11-30T18:11:00.000-08:00

Everyone enjoys being complimented. It something that brightens your day, especially when you receive one when you least expect it. I don't remember the last time I was overwhelmed with compliments. It seems that we, as people interacting with other people every day, don't hand out compliments enough.

Today was an awesome day at work. There were so many happy customers, I almost didn't know what to do. It's the holiday season and something about the holidays makes people grouchy. They come in, they grab what they want and then they stomp over to the register, fuss about return policies, and interrogate about gift receipts. I think that's mostly why I dread going to work during the holiday season. So today was a little bit of a surprise. People were so nice to me! I was complimented on my smile, my knowledge of the products, my skill with the helicopters, and my overall attitude towards work and customers. Each compliment came from a different customer. People addressed me by name and one man even asked to speak to my manager so he could tell him to give me a raise. It was awesome.

Compliments are the start of a domino effect. Someone pays you a compliment, your day brightens, you feel better about things so you smile more and are more polite and may end up complimenting someone else. And then it continues on to make someone else's day that much better.

I issue this challenge: Compliment someone tomorrow. Compliment three people tomorrow. Compliment the checker at the grocery store or the man who holds the elevator for you. Compliment your coworkers and your family. Compliment everyone you come in contact with!

I promise you that if you make the effort to make as many compliments as you can, your day will be brighter and you will be happier.

Spread the sunshine.

“A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally"

2010-11-28T10:51:00.000-08:00

I believe that every relationship we may encounter in life is something we can learn from. We can learn to be better friends, more compassionate, less judgmental, more humble, more kind. Some people are shining examples of what not to be, others are reminders that there are still wholly good people in the world.

Quentin is proof that there are still spiritual, smart, gentlemen around. He's the kind of guy who holds the door open and wraps his coat around you when you're cold. He's gentle, but manly. Spiritual, but light hearted and fun. He's a great reminder to me that good guys do exist, they're just few and far between.

I'm refreshed and relieved. The world needs more guys like Quentin in it.

"Men may come and men may go.....but Pie goes on for ever."

2010-11-24T21:50:00.000-08:00

The pie wars have started. And ended.

Last night I prepared three different pie crust recipes in order to try them side by side and judge which was best.

First was the original crust recipe that my mother has been using for ages. It's simple and easy, just flour, salt, water, and shortening. Only problem is sometimes it's almost too dry, resulting in dough crumbling everywhere while you're trying to roll it out and press it into the pie pan. This one I baked into a cherry pie. My mom and I used this neat little cookie cutter things to create a bunch of leaves to cover the top instead of the traditional cover over it. The filling didn't quite fill it as much as I anticipated, so it looked a little funny, but the leaf top turned out great.

Second was one recipe dubbed as foolproof by Cooks Illustrated. This one has flour, sugar, salt, butter and shortening, water, and vodka. The vodka is the secret ingredient that enables the dough to be pliable enough to be easy to roll out and prepare, but then bakes off and leaves a dry, flaky crust. This one I baked into two pumpkin pies. Now, this dough is really wet. Almost too wet. I had a lot of trouble rolling it out and putting it in the pans. It might have made a difference if I had chosen to roll out the dough the way most people do, but I follow my mother's method. I put the dough in a 2.5 gallon ziplock and roll it out in the bag. With a dough that's less sticky, the bag is easy to cut off it. This one just stuck to the bag and came all apart in a big doughy mess. One pie I ended up pressing the dough into the pan, the other I practically froze solid. Before putting the warm filling in them, I put the crusts in the oven for a blind bake. When I took them out of the oven and removed the pie weights, I saw that the dough had slid down the sides of the pan and was sticking to the base of my pie. There was no winning with this dough, so I did my best to press it back up the sides and get it in the oven. Only one pie turned out pretty looking.

Third is the supposedly Perfect Pie Crust recipe that The Pioneer Woman raved about. This one is comprised of flour, salt, water, vinegar, and an egg. It took a little more time than the other two and it smelled a little funny because of the vinegar, but it's apparently awesome. I let this dough chill in the fridge over night and it's a good thing because even after about 3 hours of chilling, it was still soft. This one ended up sticking to the ziplock bag, but not as much as the previous (this time I floured the bags lightly, so that might have been the reason. I baked it up into a gorgeous apple pie. On top of the crust I gave it a nice light egg wash (using the whole egg, beaten with a little water) then topped it with turbinado sugar. This pie is a contender for the prettiest pie I've ever baked award. The only picture I got, however, has poor lighting and has the pumpkin pie in the background.

So which pie crust was the best? Simple, foolproof, or perfect? The first was the best tasting with the right amount of flake. This goes to show that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Mom's recipe is the best recipe.

And, as a special sign off, here's the lemon tart I made in addition to the pies. This is a fabulous recipe. I love tarts.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

"Things will get better if you just hold my hand"

2010-11-17T19:04:00.000-08:00

First of all, if you haven't heard this Akon and MJ song, you should. I'm a fan.

Second, you should go camping on the beach. Not only is being that close to the water all night awesome (though windy), the stars are incredible. You can find brilliant stars elsewhere, but for some reason I really enjoy being able to lay in the tent looking up at the sky (no rain fly; too windy) while listening to the waves. It's so peaceful. A beautiful escape from the hustle and bustle of every day life.

Some friends and I decided to go for an overnight campout at Point Mugu last weekend. We packed everything up and met out there just in time to witness the most gorgeous sunset while we set up the tents. It was like any typical campout, littered with roasted hot dogs, smores, and telling stories around the fire. We played games all night in the tent and couldn't sleep in because of the sunshine. It was glorious.

I like being able to decide I want to get away for a day or a night or an afternoon. I like being old enough to rent out a campsite and organize everything for myself. I like being in nature and remembering just how small I am in this vast world. I like holding hands, and I like the card game Scum.

I like life.

Sunset

Sunrise

"Though pleas'd to see the dolphins play, I mind my compass and my way."

2010-11-17T18:49:00.000-08:00

I baked a cake for my friend Brock's birthday. He turned 26 and requested a nautical themed cake. Somehow this is what he ended up with...

Chocolate butter cake with vanilla buttercream frosting.

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion"

2010-11-03T19:54:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I love Halloween. I've got a closet full of costumes to prove it. This year I went all out. Four costumes.

First I wore my new Princess Lolly (candyland character) costume to the institute halloween party. I made it in about three days and it turned out alright. It wasn't what I envisioned, but it was pretty darn cute. Except when the lollipops on the dress stabbed me in the leg whenever I sat down. Still, it was legit.

Second was the regional Halloween party. I went as some form of jester, I don't really know. It's a recycled costume. At one point it was my sisters when she was of trick-or-treating age and then I snagged it to use for whatever shindigs I could. Really, I just like the idea of getting dressed up and then going to be with people. I think halloween gives me an opportunity to carry my childhood dress up games into my adult life without feeling too foolish. Which is why I wanted to wear a different costume to every event.

Two nights before halloween I went to a church dance in Santa Monica. Now, I've been to some pretty large dances, but this one put them all to shame. Over 2000 people showed up. The gym where the dance was was packed from wall too wall. I had trouble moving around in there because I was dressed as a zombie grandma and my walker wouldn't fit through the crowd easily. Plus the blood on my costume was pretty sticky and I didn't want to get it all over people. Even though I spent the majority of the time out in the courtyard chasing Rick around trying to take a bite out of his arm, I learned that walkers make excellent dance props. Tons of fun.

Fourth costume was footie pajamas and a blanket. I wore this out to take my niece and nephew trick-or-treating. Ava asked me what I was going to wear that night, so I felt obligated to bust out another costume.

I love halloween. I love dressing up. I love seeing little kids being excited to dress up. I made my brother James an Aladdin costume and he loved it. It's a silly holiday, but it's so much fun.

Jonny and myself as zombie grandparents

“You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted"

2010-10-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

There's something really satisfying about creating something delicious then having people consume it. I think that satisfaction is part of the reason I'm drawn to cooking. Eating is something everyone in the world does, so to be able to deliver something delicious is awesome. I love it.

I cannot tell you how excited I was last week to get started on all the food I planned on for m graduation party. I spent a lot of time working on it, but it was worth it. I enjoyed every minute of standing around in the kitchen doing things like kneading cracker dough and rolling chocolate truffles. It was glorious. Plus, I got some good use of my kitchenaid in.

Friday was a blur, I had so much to do. I was a bit stressed, but everything fell into place. The kitchen looked spectacular, my sister came over and took wonderful pictures of the food and me in my chef's coat. I felt a little bad for the people who showed up on time (or within the first hour and a half) because it was slow going and I was still putting things together. But everyone showed up in masks, looking fabulous. It was awesome.

Some of us fabulous masked ladies. And Keith, creeping in the background

Masks all around

Chelsea's mask is legit, from Italy.

The Phantom made an appearance

Getting ready to play Mafia

It was a great night

"No party is any fun unless seasoned with folly"

2010-10-14T01:02:00.000-07:00

This is a prologue for a post that is bound to be posted this weekend.

I've been preparing for my graduation party this Friday. I've planned this fantastic masquerade party at my house for the sole purpose of being able to make as many desserts and hors d'ouevres as I want. Well, also because I like parties and I like dressing up and I like Halloween. But graduation gave me the perfect reason to throw a party. For myself.

I'm so excited. I haven't done much planning other than the food, but the rest of it will fall into place. I have no fear of this bombing out. People know there's going to be food, people will come.

I'm excited. Prepping takes a lot of work, but it's enjoyable. And rewarding.

Can't wait for Friday night.

p.s. I'm back at Brookstone and I'm rocking it.

The Holy Grail of Kitchen Gadgets

2010-10-09T15:16:00.000-07:00

I bought a Kitchenaid Professional 600 as a graduation present to myself. The thing is massive and it just barely fits under the cabinets in the kitchen, which is good because then it doesn't have to hide out in the pantry, it gets to sit proudly where all may view it.

I feel a sense of accomplishment, and not just because I finished culinary school. I feel like a grown up. Instead of saving my money for the newest Holiday Celebration collectors Barbie, I'm spending my money on things like mixers and knives. I obsessed over this mixer. I've been thinking about it for months. I've been looking online at all the different prices, debating between the Artisan mixer and the Pro 600. I really wanted the apple green (or maybe the pistachio) artisan, but the pro just made more sense. I succumbed to the irresistible power of he Pro 600 and bought it, with the help of a 20% off coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond.

It's beautiful. I'm in love. I feel guilty sitting in front of my computer blogging, not sitting with my mixer, touching it as much as I can. I plan on making muffins tonight, but I think I'm going to have to make something sooner. I can't wait to get that baby into action.

It's just so very lovely...

"I've never been so alone. And I've never been so alive"

2010-10-08T01:39:00.000-07:00

There's something about the Third Eye Blind song Motorcycle Drive By that gets me. It makes me feel sort of sad, but also sort of relieved. It's kind of hard to explain what emotion it stirs up. All I know is I heard it on my way home tonight and I fell in love all over again. If I had to pick a song for my life at this exact moment, it would be this one.
It's beautiful.

Motorcycle Drive By
Summer time and the wind is blowing outside
In lower Chelsea and I don't know
What I'm doing in this city
The sun is always in my eyes
It crashes through the windows
And I'm sleeping on the couch
When I came to visit you
That's when I knew
That I could never have you
I knew that before you did
Still I'm the one who's stupid

And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes
And you don't mind, you smile.
And say the world, it doesn't fit with you
I don't believe you, you're so serene
Careening through the universe
Your axis on a tilt, you're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you

And there's things I would like to do
That you don't believe in
I would like to build something
But you'll never see it happen

And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've, I've never been so alive

And there's this burning, aaa-oh
There is this burning, yeah yeah yeah

Where's the soul I want to know
New York City is evil
The surface is everything
But I could never do that
Someone would see through that

And this is our last time
We'll be friends again
I'll get over you, you'll wonder who I am

And there's this burning
Just like there's always been
I've never been so alone, alone
And I, and I, I've never been so alive
So alive

I go home to the coast
It starts to rain I paddle out on the water, alone
Taste the salt and taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again

Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming to take me home

And I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive

"Dating requires a lot of energy and focus"

2010-10-06T23:58:00.000-07:00

I've done a lot of dating in my lifetime. Before I was of the dating age I had my head filled with the whole grandeur of dating and I just longed to be sixteen so I could go to Golf 'n Stuff or make gingerbread houses with the many boys I had crushes on. For the most part, dating hasn't been all that spectacular. It's pretty seldom that I return home from a date all starry eyed and twitterpated. But it's almost equally as seldom when I experience a date that leaves me wishing I had stayed home to knit a sweater for my mother's antisocial cat instead. That being said, let's go over some highlights and lowlights of my dating history. We'll start with the less than impressive dates...

I dated this kid the summer after I graduated very briefly. We went on a few dates, went to some parties, over all, didn't do all that much together. I'd say it was a filler relationship. Anyway, we went on a double date with a good friend of mine and her boyfriend. We went out to dinner and ended up just splitting a dessert because he "just wasn't hungry." When it came time to pay the bill, this guy literally did a pat down of his pants followed by a shrug and "Whoops. I forgot my wallet." We didn't date much longer after that.
Another time I went on a fail of a date with an old friend of mine. We went to the movies and he ended up only having $7 on him. I paid for the rest of his ticket and my own. After the movie I drove him back to his house, which was about twenty minutes from the theater, in the opposite direction of his house. I wasn't all that impressed.
I don't know if you know this, but I'm really into baseball. My boyfriend who lived across the country came to visit me in California, so I took him to a Dodger game. It was a spectacular game. The Dodgers won 11-2, with some pretty awesome plays. I was constantly jumping off the outfield bench to shout and clap and do all those things a baseball fanatic does. The kid didn't stand up once. I don't think he even clapped once. He just wanted to sit on the bench and sulk. I understand that baseball isn't the most fun sport to watch, but really? We scored 11 runs! It was a really eventful game! I was pretty peeved. Baseball is something I love.
Now, this isn't one specific date, but I just want to say that I think the worst situation is being on a date with someone who is obviously into you, but you're simply not into him. Maybe it's just me, but I feel bad in those kinds of situation. I feel bad for the guy who's trying so hard to be smooth and have a kiss at the end of the date. I feel bad for myself for having to do my best to let the guy down easy. It's just uncomfortable all around.

You know, now that I'm trying to think of awful dates I've been on, I'm completely blanking. I know there are more, probably some horrific ones, but I can't remember them. Either I'm suppressing the scarring memories, or I'm more into happy memories. Oh, the happy memories...

I dated this one guy up in Idaho who took me on the cheapest date I've ever been on, but easily one of the most fun. We went to the art building at BYU-Idaho (The Spori) and went to the top floor. We made paper airplanes and named them outrageous things and then we flew them from the top floor all the way down to the bottom. Stealth was key, though, because we had to avoid being caught by anyone because I'm fairly certain flying paper airplanes in the Spori is looked down on. Eventually that ended when we got an airplane lodged on a windowsill on the second story with it's potentially offensive name (not my doing, it was the boy) stuck against the glass for any passersby on the second floor to see.
I went to Mormon Prom my senior year with a really good friend of mine and it was the best dance I've ever been to. We danced like maniacs and sung Pearl Jam's Last Kiss to each other across the dining room. No other Prom had a chance of coming close to being as awesome as that one.
Another awesome date was this one. I already wrote it all out in great detail, so knock yourself out. It involves a truck, the rain, a shotgun, and some kids.
Okay, I've been to some great dances. I went to a Famous Couples dance in Idaho with a kid from my dance class. Not only were we two of the best dancers there, I'm quite partial to our costumes.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. A peek into the best and worst of my dating history. There are more stories for either side so perhaps one day I'll post a part 2.

"Hot Behind"

2010-10-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sure I'll eventually get around to posting something about the whole graduation experience, but right now I only have the energy to do this.

I graduated!

"Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile"

2010-09-21T23:27:00.001-07:00

I know I might talk a lot about how much I love Summer and the hot weather it brings (or doesn't bring, in this year's case), but I love Fall.

Today it was cold and overcast and it looked a bit stormy, even. I can't remember the last time it rained. I can't remember the last time I wore a coat but still thought it was cold. I can't remember the last time I wished so badly for cooler weather so I can bust out scarves and cardigans and cute hats! Fall! Where have you been? I have missed you and I didn't even know it!

I love Fall. I'm so excited for it. It's going to be great because not only are fall fashions awesome, but the Holidays are awesome. Halloween is a big favorite, followed closely by Thanksgiving (Christmas comes in as a very very close third, but I'm a foodie. The food holiday wins.) There's just something sort of magical about the way the leaves turn and slowly fall away. The crispness of the cold breezes are chilling, but exciting. For some reason, the air always smells so good.

It's going to be a good season, I can feel it. All the downturns that have taken place recently are going to right themselves and I'm going to barrel through the next set of obstacles life has to put in my path. I'm going to hear more live music (just went to a Danger Friends USA show tonight) and I'm going to spend more time with people I enjoy. I'm going to plan more to start my own business.

Can you feel the excitement? Are you ready?

Let's go.

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional"

2010-09-19T23:33:00.001-07:00

I don't know if you know this, but long distance relationships are hard. It's hard because when there's someone you're attracted to enough to make them the one and only romance in your life, you only have communication to lean on. There's no date night, there's no snuggling up and watching a movie, there's no holding hands while walking around town. The ability to talk and hold conversation for hours on end becomes crucial.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I feel as though I'm just writing to calm the storm in my mind.

Five months of long distance is a long time. Five months with only four days of actually being together. It's impressive and depressing at the same time. How can a relationship survive five months with only four days of being together? I'm not sure. Maybe it was just a really awesome friendship. Maybe it was something really good, really rare. Whatever it was, it was pretty rad.

Most good things come to an end, as did this one. At least a break. Who knows. It's a bummer, but there's nothing we can do. Greg's boss is a jerk who is determined to plan his life and course in the Coast Guard for him and I have a few nasty things to say to that man. But I won't because I'm determined to see what the outcome of this all will be. Months away, but it won't be intolerable.

2010 has been full of ups and downs.
I've braced myself for what comes next.
Bring it.

To the spider that bit my finger and filled it with poison:

2010-09-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

THIS
IS
WAR

Let me predict the outcome: I win.

Oh that Ozark Princess

2010-09-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

I had this dream last night in which I wanted to move in with some girls into an apartment in Salt Lake City. It was pretty big, with a nice balcony outside and a big open kitchen. I was stoked. But then one of the girls told me about the Ozark Princess.

Apparently there was some curse that had been put on my friend and she was being haunted by this ghostly princess. The creepy looking ghost was able to open any sliding or swinging door at random. She'd swoop right out at you, stick her face in yours, and let out this terrifying scream. You were't allowed to open your mouth fully, you had to keep your teeth clenched while addressing her, otherwise she's rush into your body through your mouth and torture you. It was actually pretty vivid and frightening to watch. I remember thinking, "But doesn't your mouth end up hurting if you clench your teeth all day, every day?" But it's okay, the ghost didn't like oranges.

If you ate anything orange flavored, you'd be able to open your mouth and not worry about having your soul invaded. Together the roommates and I stuffed the freezer full of orange Popsicles and hunted down all the recipes for orange rolls and bunt cakes and muffins we could find. Then I went in my room and made sure A) I had a healthy supply of orange skittles and orange mike&ikes on every surface available, and B) That my doors were not sliding or if they swung, that they had good, strong locks. Then I lived in the apartment and had to face the Ozark Princess with clenched teeth daily. It was terrifying.

But, in reality the Ozark Princess came from a short independent film I was in. I got an email yesterday saying they want to send me a copy of the finished product. I'm not sure how that all translated into evil ghost who invades your soul, but doesn't like orange popsicles...but it made for an interesting dream, that's for sure.

Case of the Ex

2010-09-11T15:04:00.000-07:00

Ex boyfriend is a funny term. Funny in the sense that the whole relationship you have with this person has, often times, pulls a complete 180 going from being intimate and adoring each other to, more than likely, a catty disdain for one another.

When I think about all the guys I've dated and where I stand with them now, I'm almost overwhelmed with how many of them I'm on good terms with. Not just I-Don't-Mind-That-You-Exist good terms, I'm talking Let's-Chill-This-Weekend kind of good terms. I can safely say that I would have no qualms with hanging out with pretty much every guy I used to date. Except two, but that's a different story.

Last night I was going to a party at a friends house and I knew it would be a pretty relaxed thing, complete with food, pool, and video games. Before leaving the house I happed to have a conversation with a guy I dated briefly in high school. I haven't really seen him since, save for a few super awkward drug store run-ins. On a whim I invited him to this party, thinking he'd decline, but I felt bad that he was staying home on a Friday night. Of course he didn't decline. Even better, the party consisted of the host and his girlfriend when we got there. I was a little uneasy, since this was one of those ex boyfriends where it had potential to be super awkward but it could also be just fine and I wasn't sure which way it would go.

It was fine, it was fun, it was relaxed.

I don't know why I seem to get along so well with the majority of my ex boyfriends, but there's something relieving about that. It's nice to not have that animosity towards people and to know they don't feel it for you.

After all these years, it's nice to know that's not there.

A list.

2010-09-08T16:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many times I've sat down to try and write a blog post about something relatively interesting. I think I'm failing at it.

There have been a few things that have absolutely rocked these past couple weeks, but nothing that makes me want to run around in circles then gush on the internet. So, for the sake of keeping the blog life alive, here are five things I love:

1. My short hair. I was pretty hesitant to cut all my hair off into an a-line bob, but I decided on a whim back in January that it was something I wanted to do. So I did it. I love it. Sometimes I feel like a little girl again, since I grew up with short hair, but for the most part I feel sophisticated. It's refreshing to have short hair. Easy to take care of.

2. Music. I went to a Something Corporate concert for their reunion tour about a week ago and it was fantastic. I love how into the music the band was and how into it everyone else was. Something about knowing every word to a song and singing it out loud, whether it's at a concert or in the car, is so much fun. Music makes me feel alive.

3. Dancing. I haven't done much dance lately, but I love it whenever I get the opportunity to do it. I recently went out to a live show at The Viper Room on the sunset strip in LA. I was disappointed by the lack of movement in the room. Granted, it wasn't much of a dance concert, but it was still groovy music. I need to get out to a salsa club or something.

4. Fall. There aren't words for how excited I am for the weather to cool down and the leaves to start changing. Something about seeing halloween decorations popping up all over the place makes me giddy. I love the scent of apples and cinnamon. I love wearing sweaters and trendy scarves and all the muted fall colors. So stoked for Fall right now.

5. Pajamas. There is nothing better than chilling in my room with sweats and a tank top. Love it.

"Getting fired is nature's way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place"

2010-08-16T15:46:00.001-07:00

I was fired from The Bread Basket last Saturday.

I was shocked. I didn't see it coming at all. My old manager said some stuff about my not being a team player and not having the speed to open in the mornings, which was all news to me. I had been feeling really confident in the work I was doing there and I felt like I was getting better and more comfortable every single day. Apparently not.

It's unfortunate and I'm majorly bummed, but I think I had already learned everything I was going to learn from working at the Bread Basket. I'd spent a good amount of time observing the technique behind making basic cakes and fondant cakes. I've already successfully recreated some of their cakes with my own spin on it. So while I'm upset that I didn't see it coming and I was dropped just like that at the end of my Saturday shift, there are some benefits.

I'm almost done with school and that opens a world of possibilities for me. I can find an apprenticeship or a mentor-ship with someone who does cakes independently. I can work for a different bakery, maybe actually doing some decorating. I can start doing some stuff on my own. This unexpected jolt in my life is going to turn out to be something good. Not only will I have new job opportunities, but I also won't have to continue to look longingly at all the cookies and chocolate chip croissants only to turn them down on account of my waistline.

Getting fired is a blessing in disguise. It's the Lord's way of removing me from a situation where I wasn't growing and I wasn't leaving on my own. I'm going to get out there and take on the world, one cake at a time.

Peace out, Bread Basket.

There are no good quotes about spiders

2010-07-30T23:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like my fear of spiders is completely over the top. For awhile there I was doing really well with them and I could bring myself to smash them with a shoe or even do the cup and piece of paper deal and dump them in the toilet. But did that last? No.

I've gone back to screaming, at the very least gasping with vigor, whenever a spider is found. The spiders that I find in my room aren't even all that impressive. They're these small sized spiders than seem to live in the grout in my shower (and won't go away no matter how many times I caulk the grout) that always appear full grown. They lurk under the ledge of my counter, the corner by the bathroom, and under my shampoo bottle. Once I found one hiding in my loofah. Worst shower surprise ever.

Tonight I went out with some friends after going to the temple and I drank about fifty glasses of water. By the time I got home I had to go to the bathroom like none other, so I raced straight there. Then I glanced to my left and there was this HUGE SPIDER just chillin on the wall RIGHT next to me. Just chillin! Like, "Oh hey, you're peeing? Drink a lot of water, did you? Awesome. I'M A SPIDER!"

I screamed. It ran away. I've since barricaded my bathroom door with towels so there's no way that perverted thing can creep into my bed tonight.

Spiders are disgusting little creature bug things that have way too many legs and way too many eyes and the way they move is outrageously creepy. I've had too many awful runins with spiders for my fear of them to be ever done away with.

Arachnophobic I am, arachnophobic I shall stay.

"Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces"

2010-07-26T22:09:00.000-07:00

I made an hors d'oeuvre today. Well, in reality I mashed together two of my favorite recipes, but it worked! It worked so well that I'm going to do it again this week and take them to class and have everyone salivating at the thought of my rosemary and shallot chicken ebelskivers! And then I will win the hearts of my fellow culinary adventurers! I will be made the hors d'oeuvre QUEEN!

I feel like an evil (ebel?) genius.

Hors d'oeuvres aside, I'm hungry for babies. I got to hold the 21 day old son of my cousin Isabel. His name is Andres and I fell in love. Those tiny, dark eyes just looking up at me and his tiny, tiny nose! I can hardly stand it. I'm lucky there will be a baby in my immediate family this coming year that I'm sure will be making frequent visits to my house, otherwise I'd go crazy. I can't help but be overwhelmed by those still developing maternal feelings inside me.

I was born to be a mother. And a baker. And maybe a candlestick maker.

"Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability"

2010-07-23T15:41:00.000-07:00

Having not spent a summer at home since I graduated from high school, I seem to have forgotten the wonderful joys of summer in California. I've gotten used to the hustle and bustle of classes in the summer, going to the freezing and disgusting Rigby lake for refreshment, and not having air conditioning (in my apartment or my car.)

Being home is so different. This week instead of stressing about finals and clean checks and moving home, I went swimming and to a BBQ with my family, and I played at the park with my niece and nephew. I made meals with tons of fresh fruits and vegetables and I stayed out late at the movies with my friends. It's a wonderful feeling. It hasn't been excruciatingly hot and the pool is always in the backyard.

I've been to the beach this summer more than I have been in the past three years. It's glorious. I love the beach. I love California. I love that I live so close to Los Angeles that I can go do fun things on the weekends just because it sounds like fun at the time. I love that there are endless amounts of Dodger games and bonfires to attend. I love that my swimming suits hardly have enough time to dry before I grab them from the edge of my shower and go out to swim again.

It feels lazy. It feels wonderful.

Summer, I missed you.

"We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment"

2010-07-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do once I finish school in October. Do I go back to Rexburg? Do I stay at home and work and go to Moorpark? Do I move to Utah? Arizona? Chicago? Somewhere other than home? I don't know. There are so many options, I've been avoiding seriously looking into them for awhile.

Recently one possibility has stuck in my mind, though.

Europe. I want to travel Europe. I want to stuff all my travel supplies into a backpack and set off. I want to spend weeks in certain cities only to get on a train and head off to the next country. I want to stay in hostels and buy fruit from the local markets and spend hours in the museums and meet people. I want to go taste the food with these new culinary eyes of mine and bask in the wonderment of European cuisine. I want to be enriched by the history and enamored with the art work. I want to go.

Thus far I haven't anyone to go with (it's hard to find someone to go with me for three months) but I've still got my heart set on going.

Here's hoping...

Santillana Del Mar-Spain 2006

Limitless

2010-07-05T17:35:00.000-07:00

All these changes that have taken place over the past couple months have really been testing me. I've had to really man up and take action and do things that I normally wouldn't be comfortable doing.

My job at the Bread Basket is pretty demanding, especially since I open more than close and that requires me to be there at 6 in the morning. I am not a morning person in the least bit. Getting up at 5 in the morning to go to a highly stressful job where, three months in, I'm still learning how to get everything going isn't my ideal situation. I've been told I do things like a kindergartener and that my writing on the cake looks like crap. Just yesterday a woman called in and yelled at me on the phone, telling me she didn't want fondant or chocolate wrap on her daughters wedding cake, she wanted just frosting! I told her time and again that we don't do that, since it doesn't hold up for that long on display and we've only ever done chocolate wrap or fondant. It went on and on and on and she was really nasty to me. Being a girl who works at BB and simply explaining to her our policy and how we run things doesn't warrant her bad attitude. You don't want chocolate wrap or fondant on the outside? Go to a different bakery and get some nasty cake.

Last night I went out to dinner with the girls from BB for the first time. I was pretty excited because I've felt a little out of place with them. I'm finally making real friends at work and they're pretty chill. Dinner was super fun.

Culinary school is outrageous. I love it and I hate it at the same time. Having been in this program for over three months now (half way!!) I've realized how much I didn't know about cooking. I've learned so much, I don't even know where to begin. About a month ago we had an iron chef type of day where we drew proteins out of a hat and then we had two hours to cook it, add two sides, a sauce, name it, price it, and plate it for chef to taste. I was having anxiety like no other about this day. I even wanted to stay home from the whole day and give up, since it was so intimidating. I was envisioning myself getting shrimp or halibut (both things I know nothing about because I never eat them) but luck was on my side and I ended up with New York strip steak. I pulled it off fairly well, I think, with a cilantro lime rub and oven roasted vegetables.

That challenge is one example of many where this class has pushed my limits. Chef is constantly getting up in my face and making me flustered to the point where I lose my concentration and forget what I'm trying to do. I'm learning as I go and there are many people in the class who're kind of helping me along with the things I don't know about. I've gotten comfortable with not knowing and asking for help. Every time I do, I learn so much.

Whether I'm in class trying my best to follow Chef's fragmented recipes, I'm at work trying to balance ten different things that need to be done at once, or even if I'm keeping a relationship afloat with nearly 4000 miles between us, I'm being pushed. I've stepped up to my limits and shoved back. Every single thing I've learned over these few months has made me become more a woman than a girl. I'm starting to piece together my future and I'm loving every minute.

I am indeed limitless.

Live Well

2010-07-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

This week was a hard one.

Last Saturday via facebook I received the news that I girl I know had gone missing. This girl, Kiersten, isn't anyone I know very well. We've only hung out a couple of times together in a group, but we still know who each other are. So you'd think that on Monday when her body was discovered at the bottom of a cliff it wouldn't effect me all that much, but it did. I was at the beach when I found out and suddenly I wasn't enjoying the waves crashing on the sand so much. I felt the gloominess of the grey clouds looming overhead. I was ready to leave.

On my way home I was told that one of my previous boyfriend's father had just passed away from an unexpected heart attack. When I got home, I went into my mother's room and just cried.

As a consequence of these two events, I've found myself thinking a lot about the fragility of life. I've found myself having little bursts of tears at the most random of times. The time we have here is so limited and precious. I have a renewed vigor for life and all the things in it. I've taken the time to appreciate my job and school a little more. I've tried (somewhat unsuccessfully) to be more patient with my brothers. I want to take advantage and do all those things I've dreamed about.

I'm taking the time to live well and enjoy it. You should, too.

Apology

2010-04-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

So I've had this big huge week full of class and the new job, but I've neglected blogging. In short, I'm exhausted. I go home and crash every night. Like, I've been going to bed before 2AM. And not just before 2AM, but usually before midnight. WHOA! I know, right? Craziness. I'm a night owl. This whole new food life is changing everything!

It's all good. I love it.
I'll write soon about my week of adventure and all things delicious.

A big sigh of relief

2010-03-25T22:21:00.000-07:00

You know, for a while there I wasn't sure what I was doing with my life. Yeah, I was going to school at BYU-Idaho and loving it, but I was majoring in University Studies which really didn't set me up for any career. People would ask me, "What are you going to do with that?" Honestly, I had no idea. I still have no idea. It was just something where I could mix and match and study the things that interest me (spanish, english, and dance.) It was exciting, because I loved it, but the future was this big, looming thing quickly approaching that required so much more than I was preparing. I knew something different needed to happen.

With the emptiness of my bank account last Fall, things changed. I went through the whole stay home and work until summer, Oxnard college, and then Westlake Culinary. And now I've got this job at The Bread Basket. I don't know how it all happened, but somehow all the pieces have fallen into place quite nicely. Better than I had ever dreamed, actually. I've found my niche in baking (or cooking as a whole) and now everything is working out. It's relieving, to say the least. I have money in the bank, two jobs, one soon to be replaced with a job I only ever dreamed of having (serious, I dreamed way back that I had a job at this bakery and I woke up thinking I've never ever ever get it), and I'm able to be home with my family, providing the help that they need.

I'm just so...content. And happy. And giddy.
I can't wait to see what life has to offer. Whatever it is, I'm sure there'll be cake...

Celebration

2010-03-20T19:25:00.001-07:00

I got the job.
I can't believe it.
I start on the 6th.
Stoked.

Suspense

2010-03-19T14:11:00.001-07:00

Today is the day I'm going to receive a phone call telling me whether I got the job at The Bread Basket or not. The interview went really well, I'm feeling confident. But with every passing minute without the phone ringing, I can feel my confidence slipping. What if they're still debating? What if I have terrible availability? What if I rubbed Linda the wrong way? What if someone else had a more stellar interview than I did?

I can't take it. I baked lemon cupcakes and watched an entire episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition to pass the time. While the cupcakes turned out delicious (and I'm very pleased with my decision to make mini ones) and I nearly cried when the Ty told the Stagg family that CVS was paying off their medical bills, I'm still a bundle of nerves.

Please, Bread Basket, call me soon. Hire me. Teach me. Accept me. Love me.

Bread Basket

2010-03-17T00:20:00.000-07:00

When I first decided to so towards baking, my mother told me I should get a job at this one particular bakery that makes cake to die for. It's a little place called The Bread Basket and it's not too far from my home, though it is a bit of a drive.

A couple weeks ago I was going around to bakeries seeing if they needed help, and The Bread Basket was pretty much the only place to accept my resume and ask me to fill out an application (despite not hiring at that moment.) Last weekend I got a call. They would like to interview me. It's just a job working at the counter, but it's still a job in an awesome bakery.

My interview is bright and early tomorrow morning and I can't wait. Wish me some St. Patrick's Day luck!

21 days

2010-03-09T07:35:00.000-08:00

I've got a countdown on my desktop to when I start Culinary School. I'm kind of excited about this. 21 days! And following day (22 days), I head out to Virginia for Kiersten's wedding. Not only do I get to partake in this wonderful, exciting day with her, but I get to visit both Madison and Randi. I cannot be more stoked for this trip.

In other news, I have been rocking Brookstone lately. Our demos are pillows, right? Yeah, I sold eight (yeah, eight) on Saturday followed by another three today. Both of my managers are impressed. Heck, I'm even impressed with myself! But seriously, these pillows rock. I want one.

I also want a kitten. But that's not news.

Orientation

2010-02-24T10:09:00.000-08:00

Just so we're clear about things, I'm taking a break from BYU-Idaho in order to pursue my love of cooking and baking. I've have several different plans as far as culinary school goes, starting with he desire to attend Le Cordon Blue in Pasadena. Unfortunately, I don't have $50,000 nor do I want to go into debt, so that is absolutely out of the question. Last winter I was told about a program in Scotland at the Edinburgh School of Food and Wine. I looked into it and it was a bit more affordable running around $15,000 including housing (however, that doesn't include any travel costs.) But still, I don't have that kind of money and working two jobs wasn't going to get me that kind of money any time soon. So I settled on going to Oxnard College and doing their two year culinary program. Oxnard is close, I could live at home and still keep my jobs. But first I had to get into the program...and transfer my credits from BYUI (which wouldn't all transfer)...and then I had to pay just about $1000 tuition for one semester because technically I'm not a California resident because I've lived in Idaho for three months out of the past year (who cares is my permanent residence is in CA and that I'm registered to vote in CA and that I was only in Idaho as a temporary resident for fourteen weeks.) All in all, I'd be spending over two years at Oxnard college trying to complete the culinary program as well as my associates degree (which I am just a few credits short of at BYUI) while not getting into the culinary class needed to continue on to any other classes my first semester.

That's when I found Let's Get Cookin': The Westlake Culinary Institute. I'd heard of it before, my mom has thought about taking a couple classes there. I met a guy at the mall who went there and now works at a cafe in the new Nordstrom. So I knew it was there and I knew the price was somewhere around $5000. I researched it and found that it's a six month program that's about $4,500 and, if you pay the deposit, you're guaranteed a spot. I thought about it. I prayed about it. I went to the school and made my deposit. This is the place for me.

Last night I finally got to do something more than sit around in anticipation for school to start. I had orientation at the school and I got to learn a little bit more about how they got started, who is going to be teaching me, and some interesting details about the hospitality business.

Let's Get Cookin' started in 1978 but was bought by it's present owner, Phyllis Vaccarelli, in 1984. Originally Phyllis started only teaching classes for home cooks, just to give them more information about how to work in the kitchen, but in 1988 a professional course was introduced because many students had expressed interest in learning more. Now it's a full six month professional course that gets you certified to work in the hospitality business. The school has been recognized as one of the best part time culinary institutions in this area.

Tim McGrath is the chef who teaches the professional course and I really can't wait to see what he has to offer. He graduated from the Culinary Institute of America (CIA) and has since then worked as a chef in France, New York, San Francisco, opened a restaurant in Long Beach, and now he currently runs and owns a catering company he started called Cooks Gathering. He's been featured on a couple television shows and he's been the personal chef of Julie Andrews. Seriously now, I can't waaaait.

But wait I must, because class has been pushed back two weeks and now we don't start until April 7th. However, on March 31st I get to go to the knife skills class required for all the students who take the professional course. At the knife class we will also be fitted for our chef's uniform. So stoked. So stoked.

So that's it in a nutshell. I have about a month until I actually start attending classes and then class will continue all the way until late September. I'm so excited. I found what I want to do, I've looked at different programs and schools. I've decided on one and worked hard to save up the money necessary to pay my own way without relying on my parents. I'm essentially living my dream.

I think this is what carpe diem means.

A tale of iPhones and murder

2010-02-20T12:01:00.000-08:00

I bought a new phone last September and I was soooo excited because it was a sweet sliding texting phone. And it was green. Uber cute.

I loved it. Until it started being the worst. phone. ever. But I dealt with it for a looong time because I didn't have enough money for a new phone, even though an iPhone was soooo tempting and I wanted one soooo badly! I got the lame phone replaced THREE TIMES in a week period or so. Still the same problems. It froze all the time when opening and closing, it connected the audio on phone calls maybe 35% of the time, the rest of the time I had to just wait about 15 seconds before I could hear anything. I hated that phone.

So, with the help of my brother's upgrade and a refurbished phone, I bought a 16GB 3G iPhone for $100. Yeah. Amazing. I love it. It's my best friend (sorry girls.)

So last night I went to an institute party (twisted taco night) and we played twister and pool and ping pong and it was all around a blast. Eventually we started playing Werewolf, which is like mafia, and this kid Eric and I totally dominated.
That game lead to about 3+ hours of playing murderer in the dark. If you've never played that game, just know it's played it a completely dark area and you walk around and "kill" people by tapping them on the shoulder and then people find "dead" bodies and the lights come on and you accuse people. It's fantastic. We've broken a lamp at my house playing it before.

WE played until about 2:15 AM. It was epic.

Preview

2010-02-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

80's Prom Party tonight. It's going to be rad. Stay tuned for more photos

Report

2010-01-31T22:52:00.000-08:00

So I went on a date yesterday with a guy from my ward who recently returned from his mission in Argentina. His family moved into the Newbury Park stake a couple months before he got home, so he didn't know anyone. We met on Monday and went out on Saturday. In short, he's a really fun guy and it was a really fun date. I don't think I'd mind going on another.

Totally unrelated, I'm planning an 80's Prom themed party on Friday and I'm stoked. I don't think there are words for how excited I am. There most definitely will be a post about it!

A few things

2010-01-28T07:33:00.000-08:00

It's sunny again in Southern California and things are looking up. So up, in fact, that I have no qualms about my current course of action (not including the state of my bedroom, which I definitely intend to fix very soon.) Anyway, here are a few things I've been thinking about lately...

1. In a group of friends made up of three or more people, there's bound to be drama going on all the time. I've got that awesome group of friends from the singles ward, right? Well, as of late, I don't quite know who's still friends with who, who we shouldn't be inviting to movie nights, and (sad to say) who still considers me part of the group. I've come to a point where I don't quite care where I stand with the group, if they want to invite me places/tell me things/keep me in the loop, great! If not, their loss. When we do hang out, it's fun. When we don't, I find other things to keep me amused. I'm content.

2. Texting is a major social handicap. It's this way of communicating that makes it so we're supposed to be able to reach another person at any time, from anywhere, no matter where they are. No one is unreachable. No one has to actually pick up the phone and actually call someone because texting is so quick and convenient! That, in combination with communication via internet, has caused our ability to interact on a more personal level (face to face, on the phone...) suffer. Getting to know a person doesn't take as much effort. I feel like I should quit texting or something because I know that I'm the kind of person where if you don't text back within five minutes, I start to wonder if you're mad at me, if I did something wrong...it's ridiculous! But really, I'm way too addicted to texting to stop. Sad, but true.

3. Being myself is perfect. I have a date on Saturday. I'm excited.

Raining, it's pouring

2010-01-21T10:39:00.000-08:00

I feel like I ought to be better this year about blogging regularly. I often find myself with free time and yet I do nothing interesting with it, so hopefully I use more of that time for blogging. That way you will have something to read.

This week has brought torrential downpours to this area of California. Yesterday I drove to the store, sprinted in and bought what I needed, then sprinted back. I was soaked through my sweatshirt. I was impressed, this rain is awesome. It even flooded an entire road in my neighborhood. It was like driving through a river. When I got home, I made Aaron get in the car with me so we could drive the river street again.

California, I know you need the rain, but please don't get washed away.

Another downpour has been me. I think I've cried every day this week. True, it's mostly because I'm a girl and that's what happens when girls have PMS, but I also attribute it to a dissatisfaction with life. I've got a lot of things going for me right now, like culinary school in march and two steady jobs, but I'm struggling with my friends. They're great, we have a lot of good times together, but everything seems so surface level. I'm a relatively needy person in the sense that I need to have someone I can cling to, someone I can open up to or run to when I'm in tears. I'm not sure who that is right now. I'm very lucky I have my mom and my sister to talk to whenever friends fail to be there. They've been the best.

Ring in the New Year

2010-01-18T17:26:00.000-08:00

I've become a pitiful blogger.

However, I did have a momentous week last week as far as culinary school/baking goes. On Tuesday I not only bought knives (!!!!) but I also made my first (fake) fondant cake! I decided to make a fake cake for a couple reasons. 1. I've never worked with fondant before, so I figured it'd be easier to ruin a cake rather than styrofoam on my first try. 2. Fondant is gross. 3. I've been toying with the idea of starting a cake business (in the future) but instead of making complete wedding cakes, making a couple fake tiers with a real one on top. Something like that. So yeah, this was good practice.

It took forever and a day to roll the fondant out the right size, since it kept tearing when I tried covering the bigger block, but I got it right (after I hacked 3 inches of styrofoam off the block...) and I managed to cover it alright. I have some work to do as far as covering a cake and making the sides look smooth without excess fondant, but for a first try, I'm content. I even got some fake flowers to put on the cake! Ribbon, too.

Not bad, eh?

As far as life goes, it's fantastic. I spent New Year's in Las Vegas with twelve awesome friends (in one hotel room) and it was way more fun than I anticipated. For New Year's Eve I spent most of my time with Allen, wandering the strip and soaking in the sights. We even got awesome masks. It was awesome.

ANNNNNDD
My knives.

Promises

2009-12-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

I made a commitment to blog about the cupcakes I've baked and I haven't. I feel like I'm breaking some huge promise.

Well here's the deal. I made some cupcakes right after I got my new cookbook! First I made the Applesauce and Cinnamon cupcakes with a caramel sauce for the top. I topped some of them with apples and some with pears. Personally, I like the apple ones better.

The caramel sauce really added to the cupcakes and they were pretty good. I was pleased, even though they were more of a hybrid between a cupcake and a muffin.

A couple days later I decided to make the Chocolate Chili cupcakes. I substituted the whiskey frosting with cayenne chocolate ganache. Not gonna lie, the ganache was spicy but I liked it. The cupcakes were dry and I didn't like them one bit. But they certainly looked good!

For Christmas my sister bought me an ebelskiver pan. I've never made them nor had them before, so this was a new experience. I couldn't wait to try them out, so I searched the cupboards and kitchen and found some bananas and chocolate chips to experiment with. It was super fun, even if it did take me a while to figure out how to make the ebelskivers nice and round on both sides. But I did it and they were really good!

Now I'm off to Las Vegas for New Year's.
Have a good one, bloggers! See you in 2010!

Cuppycake Gumdrop

2009-12-07T22:30:00.000-08:00

So I bought a book today. Not just any book, a recipe book. A cupcake recipe book. It's called 500 Cupcakes and let me tell you, it's AMAZING. I haven't even baked anything from it yet but I've spent a good two hours just pouring through the recipes and the variations of the recipes and I can't, for the life of me, get enough of it.

So I've made a goal. I'm going to try and use my day off every week to test out a new recipe from the book. Tomorrow I'm debating between doing Applesauce and Cinnamon cupcakes with a caramel sauce on top or the raspberry and coconut ones. I'll be sure to post about whichever I end up doing.

I'm so excited.
I can practically taste them already and they are delicious

I bake pies and wake the dead; I live a very sheltered life

2009-11-11T23:58:00.000-08:00

Two things.

One, I love Pushing Daisies and the fact that I own both seasons on DVD makes me smile.

Two, I made a pie today and it was delicious. So delicious, in fact, that I'm going to show you the pie making process through pictures. My camera is currently MIA, so these are from my cellphone and aren't very good quality. But enjoy anyway!

I decided back around Halloween that I wanted to bake my leftover sugar pumpkin into a pie because I've never baked with fresh pumpkin before and it sounded intriguing. I only just got to it this week because today was the only day I had time to fit it in, between both of my jobs, my excessive sleeping, and my ever busy social life. But fit it in I did and it was so fun.

I started off by cleaning out the pumpkin guts and cutting it in half.

After it was baked, the next step was to scoop out the pumpkin and use a potato ricer to mash it up to a fine consistency good enough for pumpkin pie.

Mix that with all the spices and sugar and you get...

The most time consuming part was making the pie crust. I couldn't seem to get it wet enough to stick together so it wouldn't crack. But eventually I did it and I was able to roll it out and get it into the pie pan.

Then I prebaked the pie crust and then filled it with the pie filling. I ended up with more filling than could fit in the crust, but that's better than not having very much.

While the pie was baking I used the extra pie dough to make these cute leaves and acorns to put on the slices of finished pie. I think they're darling.

Freshly baked pie, right out of the oven!

When the little leaves came out of the oven, I sprinkled sugar on them and stuck them back in for one more minute and they came out looking like this

The finished pie turned out great, despite dark brown crust!

Of course, no pumpkin pie is complete without whipped cream! Homemade is the way to go.

Over all, it turned out awesome.

And seriously? It was so delicious.

Mission accomplished.