Homeward Bound

The end is here. I'm officially done with school for the summer. And I just realized that I'm officially a junior in college. Why does that sound so old? Why do I feel like I'm still sixteen and a junior in high school? I feel like the experiences I've had now with friends and stuff are just like the ones in high school, only in a different setting and everyone is in their twenties. Maybe it's just because the people I look up to that I saw in college have gotten older and my perception of what it'll be like to "be in college" has gotten older with them. I don't know if I'm articulating my thoughts very well...and I'm digressing.

The end of the semester is here and it feels great. I'm done with finals and I'm done with clean checks and I'm about 92.6% done with packing everything into my car in preparation to go home. It feels liberating.

I leave early tomorrow morning in order to get home tomorrow night at a somewhat decent hour. Robin from Camarillo is riding with me and I hope she's prepared for the intense heat we're going to experience. Let me tell you something, sitting in traffic in Las Vegas in my little black BMW with black leather interior with no air conditioning at the end of July is pretty much torture. I'm fairly certain that if I hadn't been wearing a shirt last summer, my skin would have baked on the seat.

In short, I'm going to be home tomorrow night and I amso excited. I've made plans with Nathan to go surfing with him and Russell on Saturday. I haven't seen both of those boys since before their missions. I called Nathan the other day and I can't even express to you how excited I was to talk to him. I love that kid.

California, I'm coming home.

I have a heart, you know.

Just so you're aware, I'm no longer dating Chadd. He broke it off a couple days early yesterday. I don't know if I was quite prepared for it and it left me speechless. I was kind of just going along, enjoying what time I had with him not really thinking about how exactly the end was going to go down later this week and then BAM. He ended it. I think he underestimated how emotionally invested I was in the relationship. I think I may even have underestimated it a little bit. But it all came down to the fact that we're at different places in our lives and there's not much we can do about it.

However, I think that this past week or so, maybe even longer, there was a huge lack of communication. Not just on his part, but on my own as well. I didn't know it was so hard for him and he wouldn't tell me about it or anything, even when I asked. I didn't show him that I really did care a lot about him, which I thought I did, but I think I need to reevaluate how I show things, because he felt like I didn't care at all, like it wasn't hard at all for me. You know, even if I am talking big, like I'm not very affected by the whole situation, it's all a front to make myself not realize how much it really does hurt. I do hurt and my heart aches a bit. It was only a five week relationship, but Chadd and I spent a lot of time together and we got to know each other fairly well and ending a connection like that is hard. I'd have to be heartless to say I don't care.

It hurts to know it's over. It hurts to know he's upset with me and I don't quite know why. It just hurts.

I am the dancing queen

The dance competition was today. I competed in 184 Waltz and 185 Cha Cha and Samba.

I took first place in both waltz and samba. It was a pleasant surprise. I'm excited beyond words. Rocked 'em. Holla.

Fifteen weeks

Tomorrow marks fifteen weeks of being away from home. This is the longest I have ever been away and I haven't gone home at all for any weekend or holidays. I am homesick. I've been a baby all semester and I think I've called my parents more times this semester than all three previous semesters combined. There's something about being away from home that makes my heart break. I better not marry someone who wants to live somewhere other than the west coast.

p.s. my brain is going to fall out of my head because of all the essays I'm writing. Good thing I'm kind of a fan of essays...

"Did you use any sunscreen at all?" "Nope!" "You look like Satan!"

Over the break last week I went to Rigby Lake with Kate and Madi and the three of us swam in the freezing water and then we read on the beach for hours, taking an occasional dip because I kept over heating.

This is why I was over heating:



Yeah, it was intense. This is the sunburn two days later:



No wait, it gets better. Here's a picture Kate took without flash, which really shows the extent of the burn.



Gross.

A week later, I'm finally peeling. It's about time. I'm ready to have a normal back that a) doesn't hurt when I wear a shirt/bra (especially a bra) b) doesn't hurt to sleep on c)doesn't feel all leathery and d)isn't flaking dead skin EVERYWHERE whenever I move/change my clothes. It's nasty. I'd like to be able to cuddle with Chadd and not be flinching every two seconds when he touches the burn. SO irritating.

Edit: The title of this blog comes from something I overheard in my anthropology class about a month ago. I thought it was hilarious.