“Knowledge is ancient error reflecting on its youth"

Finals are quickly approaching and my brain is melting.  

Friday is the day when I don't have any classes and I use the time to work on my online class, but also to relax and prepare for the weekend. Today, however, I got up early, filled my backpack with books and pencils, and headed to the library.  I wrote papers, took a quiz, and worked on several projects. I feel incredibly productive today.  Seriously, I'm getting things done and it feels so good.

When I consider where I was last December, I've come a long way.  This past year has been such a tumultuous one, with huge ups and huge downs.  I've said it before, but this year has been my year.

Highlights

• Starbucks.  This place was such a fun job.  When I went home for Thanksgiving, I had lunch with my manager and visited with a couple of my former coworkers.  I forgot how much fun I had at that job.  I made life long friends, met some celebrities, and learned the art of coffee making.  I think steaming milk to perfection will always be a part of my nature now.  

Cleaning the ice bin

• Erik.  This guy is one of my best friends ever.  Having him home, living only two blocks away was what saved me from utter despair for a good part of the year.  I'm lucky to have a fun, reliable, trustworthy friend.  

Erik is a pretty, pretty princess

• Moving to Idaho.  Seriously, this was the best thing I could have done this fall.  I had to choose between staying  at home to save up enough money to move to France and moving to Idaho and spending the France money.  I gave up France for Rexburg, Idaho.  A lot of people would see that as a lame choice, but for me it was the better choice.  I have a great apartment, I have great roommate.  

My apartment

• Grades.  This is my best semester ever.  In fact, this is the best I've ever done in school.  I have straight A's.  I am the bomb.

Midterm grades.  Still going strong

I could go on and on about the awesome things that have happened this year.  True, there were some low points and I could go into those, but instead of viewing those things as negatives, I chose to look at the way they've changed me and helped me become who I am today.  

2011 has been a year to remember.  I look forward to it's close and the beginning of 2012.

"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values"

For one of my English classes we read Hyrum W. Smith's Your Governing Values are the Foundation of Personal Fulfillment.  It was a really interesting piece and, as good literature is designed to, it made me reflect on my own personal governing values.  Turns out the following assignment was to write our your top twenty governing values and define them.  Perfect.

In no particular order, my top twenty:

1.  I love the Lord and will do his will
     I've seen the work of the Lord's hand in my life and know that he knows and loves me.  I trust him to guide me in the right direction and not lead me astray, and consequently I follow his commandments.  I love him and tell him often.  I serve him in whatever way I can.

2.  I love my family
     I love the family I have been blessed with and I love my future family, even though I don't know them yet.  They are the driving force behind so much that I do.  I want to be more kind and more loving to those that I am eternally bound to.

3.  I am desirous to be a good wife and mother
     Despite not being married or having children yet, I know that being with them is one of my main goals in life.  I hope to be everything I have the capacity to be.  I look forward to teaching and loving my children, helping them weather the trials of life.  I look forward to sharing a life with a loving husband.  I want to be by his side through thick and thin, as someone to lean on and someone to love and hold.

4.  I care about those around me
     When people I care about hurt, it hurts me.  I look after the well being of those I interact with.  I find joy in being considerate and helping those in need.

5.  I find work fulfilling
     I gain a feeling of self accomplishment when I'm doing work that I know is done well.  This feeling motivates me to do my best in all the work I perform.  There is no satisfaction in doing something that I won't be proud of.

6.  I am ambitious
     I dream big.  I want to make something amazing out of my life.  I have goals and I will do what it takes to attain them.

7.  I am intellectual
     I enjoy enlightening conversation.  I find that when something stimulates the mind to grow and think, it's worthwhile.  I take pride in being able to hold intelligent conversation.

8.  I enjoy performing service
     Even the little things, like holding the door open for someone, make my day brighter.  It's satisfying to help my fellow man out.

9.  I am a peacemaker
     I avoid contention whenever I am able to.  I'd rather talk things out than get in an argument.  When people are upset, I try to calm them down.  I try my best not to participate in gossip, but I could always use improvement with that.

10.  I am a leader
       Whether or not I like it, I was born with leading qualities.  I don't have a problem with taking charge, even if cruising in the background sounds appealing.  In the future I see myself in a lot of leadership roles, whether it's in the church, school, or work.

11.  I am mature
       I might have  immature moments, but for the most part I'm mature.  I know how to act like an adult.  I've had a lot of experiences that have caused me to grow up in ways I don't think I anticipated when I was younger.  I feel more prepared for the things that lay ahead.

12.  I respect myself and know what I deserve
       I deserve to be treated well and to be loved.  I won't settle for anything that is below me.  I am a daughter of God and should be treated like one.

13.  I love to love
       Almost nothing brings me as much joy as expressing love does.  I love to be in love, I love to tell my family I love them.  I love to leave love notes for roommates or friends.  I love to snuggle and love cats.  I love to love God.  I love to love.

14.  I am healthy
      I exercise regularly.  I eat well.  I have studied food and know better ways of preparing things.

15.  I am motivated
      I'm a go-getter.  I like getting things done, I like being involved.  I am reliable and present.  I have a positive attitude.

16.  I have passion
       I am passionate about food.  I love to cook, I love to satisfy people by making something that looks and taste delicious.

17.  I have a sunny disposition
       I'm an optimist.  If I'm having a downer day, I chose to surround myself by people are uplifting and then regain my happiness.  I find that life is more enjoyable when you're actually enjoying it.  Smiling is contagious, I like to do it often.

18.  I devour knowledge and education
       If I could just read books for the rest of my life, I'd give up facebook, texting, and everything else.  But I have to go to school and stuff, so it's okay to tie those other things in.  I love learning.  My mind is open to new possibilities and fascinated by things of the past.  I strive to be a better student and make the most out of my learning.

19.  I am financially capable
       I paid my way through culinary school without taking out a loan.  I live within my means and know what it means to be frugal.  I thing really hard about big purchases and save up for them.  I know how to compare prices and find out the real value of something.  I know how to pay my taxes.

20.  I am a good friend
      I am someone people can turn to for advice.  I like listening and lending a comforting word or two.  I enjoy the company of others.  I can keep a secret.


There you have it, my top twenty governing values.  These are things that guide me throughout my life, helping me determine what decisions to make and what direction to go.  These are the things that make me me.

“Home, the spot of earth supremely blest, A dearer, sweeter spot than all the rest”

Dear Husband,

We are going to build a fortress.   Together we will transform wherever we reside into a safe house where we can take refuge from the storm.  There will be pictures of you and me and our children littering the walls, displaying captured moments of our life together.  Our home is going to be a place of happiness and joy where we may live and love and learn together.  

Our children will feel refreshed and calm when they return from school, you will have a place to kick off your shoes and read to them after work.  I'll bake pies often.  We'll listen to fabulous music and dance barefoot in the living room.  On Sunday evenings we'll drink hot chocolate and read books in bed together.  We'll build a tree house.

We'll have family prayer daily and tell our children often than we love them.  I'll let you get a dog if you want.  I'm going to cook a big dinner every Christmas, but you have to put up the lights on the house.  We'll go on a road trip and see the nation. 

I'm so excited for our future.  I can't wait to create a home with you.

All my love,

Amanda

This started off as a post about my future home and how it's going to be, how it's going to feel.  Somehow it developed into this letter.  I find that I am filled with hope and am giddy with excitement to get started on this life, even if the idea of marriage scares me.

Maybe I just want a tree house.

"“He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.”

Times come and go, bringing in happiness and sadness and all those other silly emotions.  Every moment should be cherished, held dear, woven into what you are.  Be it good or bad, pleasant or disturbing.  We are made up of a series of little moments strung together, comprising who we are.  Who am I to say that won't be a part of me when clearly it is?  It's things like that that will shape you and mold you into what kind of person you will be.  It's those kinds of things that help you move forward down the path of life.

I don't know what I'm getting at.  I'm rambling with my writing.  I've got a lot on my mind tonight.

The things we experience have purpose.  I look at where I am now and I can see how things have affected me and how I handle situations.  I can see the development in my character.  Some of the changes I accept willingly, some of them I'm struggling with.  Overall, however, I feel good.  I feel wiser, better prepared for the challenges that lay ahead.  I'm on my way to becoming my most perfect self.  

I knew this year would be my year.  Looks like I was right.

“Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again”

I just finished my 25th journal.  It took me nearly a year to fill it and now that it's done I feel almost relieved.  A lot happened in this past year.  Now I literally don't have to carry it around with me.  I was listening to Anberlin's album New Surrender and the song Breathe stuck out to me.  I feel like that song describes how I feel right now.
It's long overdue, but I've finally closed that chapter of my life.  Sam isn't someone I need to waste any more time on.  I don't need to dwell on what happened. I'm free.

Breathe
Anberlin

This is surrender
To a war-torn life I've lived.
Scars and stripes forever
In need of change I can't resist.

No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes.
Revolution's not easy
With a Civil War on the inside.

No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

I can finally breathe.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.




Hurray for beginning again!

"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first"

Today in my brit lit class we somehow got onto the topic of nun hats and their shape.  My professor went off on a tangent about these pastries he had in France called religieuses which means nun's hat in French, that was the connection between Hopkins and this delectable French pastry.  He jumped on google images, showed us a picture, then took a good portion of time telling a detailed story about how one goes about eating a religieuse.  Brother Bruggar's stories are so fun.  The tangents make that class so worth it.  I guess the literature is pretty good, too.  I discovered this week that I really like Christina Rossetti.

Anyway, earlier in the semester we were told we would get extra credit if we used British recipes and brought in British desserts, such as figgy pudding and other delightful treats.  Unfortunately, the idea of making a religieuse is much more appealing than whipping up some mediocre pudding.  It wouldn't really be that hard, it's just pastry cream and  pâte à choux.  Essentially, it's a giant cream puff with a smaller cream puff on top.
  

See?  Not that hard.  I've got experience with  pâte à choux and I've watched a pro make it. We had a guest chef (from France!!  I wish I remembered his name) come and teach us the proper method for making it.  It's a slightly difficult dough to work with, but it's not the hardest thing to do.  I haven't made it since culinary school, but my professor told me he'd give me extra credit if I made religieuses for the class.  He also said he'd pay for the ingredients.  Awesome?  Awesome.

I'm going to do a test run this weekend, just to make sure the method I've come up with is going to be appropriate for making my own religieuse.  I've never had one, so I'm being daring and making them my way. I'm really excited.  This is the kind of thing I live for.  If I could just drop out of school and experiment and create desserts, I would.  But then I would get fat.  And be uneducated.  I don't want either of those.

Hurray for religieuses!

"I used to lie in bed in my flat and imagine what would happen if there was a zombie attack"

Obsessing right now.

“Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken.”

Why do I like pie so much?

I've been obsessing over Pinterest lately.  It's a neat way to collect visuals of the things I like.  One of my favorite boards is a collection of pies and tarts I've come across.  There are some classic ideas, innovative ideas, savory, ultra sweet...  It's a variety of delicious treats with the same basic structure.

I love pie. It's no secret, I really love pie.  Something about the rustic appeal just draws me in.  It's the combination of flaky, buttery crust and sweet, but slightly tangy fruit.  If I could drop out of school and just bake pies all day, I would.

I find that making my own dough, making creative crusts and preparing the filling with love is therapeutic.  It's something that takes my mind off things and I get lost in the process.  It's hard to explain why it's so lovely to me, it just is.  I think my calling in life is to be a pie baker.  And so today I made a pie.

“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction”

Remember that one time I said I go with my gut?  Yeah, carpe diem seems to be the driving factor behind many of the things that I do. 

I was planning on moving to France in January.  I was really excited, I looked into a lot of costs and I dug out my old passport.  At the time, I really felt good about it because it was time that I did something.  Living at home, working at Starbucks was getting monotonous and I needed a change of scene, a change of people.  France sounded great.  France still sounds great.

I'm not where I was in August when I made that decision.  I feel as though I've undergone an internal change between then and now, understanding more who I am, who I want to be, and what direction I'm heading.  I know now that I'm a better student, more prepared for life at BYU-Idaho.  I've made some connections out here in Idaho with people who work at the local bakers and I feel strongly that I'm going to find a job for the winter. 

Yep, I'm staying in Idaho.  I've signed a contract, its a done deal.  I feel kind of bad for backing out of the France plan, but financially it wasnt going to work out.  It costs a lot of money to travel and live overseas.  Besides, living here in Idaho makes sense.  I'm doing well in school, I have solid friends, and its hard to beat the spirit in this town.  I feel uplifted by the people that surround me and I feel happy.

I'm happier than I've been in a long time.  Things are turning around and working out for me.  It's about time, life.  Let's keep things going this way.

"Starbucks represents something beyond a cup of coffee"

How Starbucks taught me to study: a tale of lattes and literature

I'm not afraid to admit that I've been a bad student in previous semesters.  My study habits, although they've existed, have been rather poor.  Sleep deprivation at night resulted in naps during class instead of attending class.    I want to believe that I was a good student and the classes were just that hard, but truth is that I really just wasn't that into school.  I did fairly well, enough to get by with average grades, but I know I'm better than that.

Here I am at a the start of a new semester after having taken two years off.  It's intimidating and huge and I'm scared out of my mind, BUT I have this overwhelming feeling that this is the semester where I figure things out and do well.  Throughout this first week of school I've been so on my game.  I've gone to all my classes on time (17 credits worth) and I've spent time in the library getting assignments done and many hours at home studying in my room instead of playing with my roommates.  Every time I open my computer, instead of opening up Facebook first thing, I open up my byui account and get a couple assignments done.  And then I get on facebook and watch kid history and laugh my face off.

What happened to cause the change?  I think working full-time at Starbucks did the trick.  I got into the habit of going to work for 9 hours, starting at 5am.  I worked hard at my job to be the best barista I could be and now I feel ask though I have a work ethic that far surpasses the one I had when I was at school before.  Basically, Starbucks taught me how to study.

This is my semester.  

"Its really hard to be roommates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs"

This is round 5 for me at BYU-Idaho.  Two years on, two years off, now I'm back.
I'm in a new apartment with new roommates and a new (hopefully last) major.  I'm all settled in and I'm already loving my roommates.

I feel as though this is going to be the semester that I really figure out what I'm doing, and not only in school.   I think I'm going to end up with a clearer idea of what I'm going to do with my life.  I'm going to figure out what direction I need to take, whether or not I should stay in Idaho, how I'll be able to afford France, where I need to be.  I'm twenty-two and I still need some direction with what I'm doing.  There are so many options available to me, but everything has it's pros and cons.  Sometimes I'm worried about making the wrong decision.

But I really feel like things will make more sense this semester.  Hurray!

“College is a refuge from hasty judgment"

I've been home for two years.  I've left home maybe three times in those two years.  This fall I am moving out again and it feels SO great to be sorting through things, busting out the dusty college boxes.

There's a level of comfort that comes with being home.  I have my own room, I come and go as I please, I do my share in the house (dinner, dishes, laundry) and in turn I don't have to pay rent or for food.  I like that my things are here and, despite being a culinary term, everything is mise en place, or, in it's place.

I'm getting ready to leave home again and move into an apartment with a roommate.  I haven't had a roommate since 2007 and I'm not sure yet if I'm ready for one.  I like having my own space, you know?  My own bedroom is a place where I can take refuge from everyone around me, where I can clear my head, relax, and regroup.  Well, things changed pretty suddenly as far as the roommate situation goes.  My cousin Hannah moved in with me on Sunday.  I had known it was a possibility, but I didn't know for sure until Friday afternoon.  I used Saturday, my day off, to clean and rearrange my room in preparation for her arrival.  Thus far, I'm okay with the arrangement.  In fact, I kind of like it.

I've never been really close with any of my cousins.  I think it's partially because I've grown up not being crazy about visiting my extended family, but also because I fall kind of in the middle of all the cousins and haven't many cousins my age.  Hannah is several years younger than me, but she's easy to talk to and gets along well with people.  I'm excited to have her here and to develop a close relationship with her.  I'm excited to introduce her to the singles ward and all the awesomeness that it can be.  I'm ready to get out of my own personal space and learn to live with someone again.

All around I'm excited.  For the summer, for Hannah, for the big move in the Fall.

“Pirates could happen to anyone"

Oh look, I'm in a youtube video

Day 22: A photo that makes me happy

Yeah, I went skydiving.  On my 21st birthday.  It was amazing.  I want to go again.  My birthday is right around the corner....

Day 20: A letter to someone who changed my life

When I first started this whole 50 Days thing, I saw that there were several letters to be written and I thought nothing of it.  Now that it's actually time to write those letters, I struggle.  I can't seem to find anything I want to say.  My mind goes entirely blank of people who fit whatever category it is.  It's silly, I know, because there are several people I've encountered that have changed my life.  I feel as though my life is constantly being molded by the effect others have on me.

After having that previous paragraph written for over a week, I finally realized who I ought to write to, so here it goes...

Dear Heather,
You've been my best friend for nearly four years now.  We've helped each other through rough patches, had some of the greatest adventures, and survived living together.  You are awesome.  Because of you I feel as though I've had someone to lean on, someone to laugh with, someone to pick me up when I feel like I've hit rock bottom.  You don't judge me when I do stupid things or cry over boys or mess up pretty bad.  You've listened to my concerns about life and in turn trusted me with your secrets.  I'm lucky to know you, to be friends with you, to have developed such a good relationship with you.
Becoming friends/roommates with you was one of the best decisions of my life.  Thanks for being my best friend.
Love youuuu!!!
Amanda

Then

Now

Day 13: Whatever tickles my fancy

Bucket lists.  Bucket lists tickle my fancy.  I've been thinking about mine lately and then a friend of mine posted a link to his, so that got me thinking that I should probably start keeping an actual list of what I want to do during my life.  You know, in case I forget.  Or at least so I can cross things off and feel accomplished.

So here is my bucket list.  It's a work in progress, since I keep coming up with new things I want to add to it, but here it is anyway.  If I ever do something on here, I'll post about it.

1.  Ride in a helicopter
2.  Scuba dive
3.  Play the guitar well
4.  See Phantom of the Opera on stage
5.  Cage dive with sharks
6.  Ride in a hot air balloon
7.  Visit the pyramids
8.  Live in another country for 3+ months
9.  Open my own bakery
10.  Skydive
11.  Convert to longboarding
12.  Night boogie boarding
13.  Publish my journals under my pen name
14.  Run a half marathon (or a marathon, but that's aiming pretty high)
15.  Visit each of the 50 states (already been to 24...almost half way there!)
16.  Shave my head (just kidding.  I wish I were that brave)
17.  Make a wedding cake.  A legit, big one
18.  New Year's at Times Square
19.  New Year's in Paris
20.  Temple Marriage

To be continued...

Day 8: A recent Photo

Last week I decided on a whim to dye my hair.  I've been told by my hair dresser, and dear friend, Katie that I should try going darker.  While I was at the store picking out a color, they seemed to be all out of their darker browns.  I ended up picking one that's almost black.

It took me a little while to get used to the drama of the color change, but I like it.  I've had several people ask me if I dyed my eyebrows to match, but I didn't.  That's my natural eyebrow color with my unnatural hair color.  Somehow it all works.

Day 2: My day in bullet points

I wish today had been more exciting...

• Woke up and drove my brothers to school
• Went back to sleep
• Woke up yet again
• Showered
• Went to For Heaven's Cakes, Nothing Bundt Cakes, and The Valley Bakery to apply
• Practically forced the girl at The Valley Bakery to take my resume
• Went home
• Made a sandwich (it was delicious)
• Watched an episode of Arrested Development
• Put gas in the suburban
• Picked up my brothers
• Got some laundry going
• Picked up the other brother
• Got bread from Great Harvest
• Did some dishes
• Folded some laundry 
• Made some dinner
• Did some more dishes
• Ate dinner
• Went to Institute
• Went to Linnea's and talked and watched Monk
• Came home and blogged.

What a boring day.  But it's so...typical of my life.

Day 1: An introduction

I've seen other people do this and it seems like a pretty fun idea.  Plus, I need a few reasons to blog.  I've been a lazy blogger.  I mean, blogging about Ikea shopping carts?  Really, Amanda?  So without further ado, an introduction to me:

My name is Amanda.  I was homeschooled for 8 years but managed to not end up with any socialization issues.  I've completed two years of college and changed my major five times.  I went to culinary school.  I've been skydiving and loved it.  I have a bucket list.  I'm obsessed with cats.  And penguins.  I write in my journal too much, watch too much TV, and spend too much money on books for my kindle app just so I can read whatever I want whenever I want.  I play more solitaire than should be allowed.

I'm driven by passion for life, learning, and love.  I fear spiders more than almost anything.  If I don't paint my nails, I'll bite them.  I'm short and I like to dye my hair.  I really enjoy coconuts.  When I think about things too much, Carpe Diem creeps into my mind and I usually end up doing something reckless, but often the result is satisfying, or I at least learn a big lesson from it.

I'm a glutton for sleep.  The end.