February 22nd

February 22nd is a weird day for me.

Last year on this day I felt everything crumble around me.  Everything I had planned up until then no longer mattered.  It's not a big secret, I was really hopeful for when Sam came home in January.  I think that's one of the reasons I put off going back to school.  I wanted to be home when he got home so we could rekindle the kind of relationship we had before, only without the barrier of an impending mission.

Well, that wasn't the case.  February 22nd was the day he told me he had a girlfriend.  For the past year, I've allowed myself to become closed off to those around me, I've become more untrusting of the people who are closest to me, I've become reluctant to care too deeply for anyone.  In some ways it's been my hardest year yet, but in other ways it's been a huge blessing.

Despite all of the emotional changes, the devastation, and abandonment, I've been blessed with so many new experiences.  With nothing holding me back, I made plans and changed them to fit what I wanted and needed.  A year ago today I decided to go back to BYU-Idaho. A week later, I was offered a job at Starbucks, which I accepted immediately.  That job was glorious, albeit challenging.  Not only did I meet celebrities (Chad Smith, Pamela Anderson, Pink, Steve Carell...) but I also developed really strong leadership qualities. If I had stayed in California, the manager position would have been mine in a heartbeat.  Now I'm at school, rocking it harder than I ever have before.

My point is this: I've spent too long allowing the events of February 22, 2011 affect me in a negative way.  While I've had good experiences, I haven't been the same person I was before.  I've hidden my confidence and out-going tendencies long enough.  What happened that day with Sam isn't going to dictate how I live my life nor whom I allow myself to get closer to.

Next year on February 22nd, I hope I can look back and say that this was the year I took my life back.

“Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof"

This past week I traveled home to babysit my brothers while my Dad and 17 year old brother, Aaron went on a trip to New York. While it was a wonderful visit with my mother, sister, and younger brothers, I found myself rather anxiously awaiting my return to Rexburg.  I think it’s safe to say that is now my home. 

The return trip ended up being a series of events that have reminded me how acutely aware of me the Lord is. 

The roadrunner shuttle that came to pick me up ended up arriving twenty minutes early, before I had gotten home from bidding my adorable nieces and nephew farewell.  When I pulled into the driveway, I got into rush mode.  I ran inside, grabbed my (thankfully) already packed bags, kissed my mother goodbye, and was out the door.  I had just gone grocery shopping and realized I left the bread in my Mom’s car.  As I pulled out my phone to call her to let her know, I realized the keys to her car were in my pocket, on their way to the airport with me.  Luckily we have a spare, so I called home and told her about the bread in the car and the keys in my pocket.  Originally I was going to text her, but I felt a phone call would be better.  Reaching her immediately through a phone call must have been inspired.  She called me back a few minutes later to tell me that while getting the bread from the car, my brother had miraculously decided to look in the center console of the car and found my wallet, which had my ID in it. 

I had a brief freak out moment, but managed to convince the drive that I needed my wallet and we would have to go back to my house, even though we left it twenty minutes earlier.  He was hesitant at first, since we had two other passengers in the shuttle and it was a holiday, which usually means the 101 and 405 are packed.  But we turned around and I traded the car keys (and my mom’s debit card, which I found in another pocket) for my wallet. 

I truly believe that it was the Spirit that whispered to me, “Call mom” and told James to check the car thoroughly.  I also believe that the Lord cleared the holiday traffic; we made it to LAX in less than an hour.  I made my flight no problem at all.

The lesson I learned today was to listen to those odd feelings.  The Lord has a way of working things out, you just have to do your part, even if it’s as simple as making a phone call.

"A mighty pain to love it is"

This is a love poem.  With Valentine's Day on the horizon, I felt it would be appropriate to share it.

The Last Word

Peter Davison

When I saw your head bow, I knew I had beaten you. 

You shed no tear -not near me- but held your neck

Bare for the blow I had been too frightened

Ever to deliver, even in words.  And now,
In spite of me, plummeting it came.
Frozen we both waited for its fall.
Most of what you gave me I have forgotten
With my mind but taken into my body,
But this I remember well: the bones of your neck
And the strain in my shoulders as I heaved up that huge
Double blade and snapped by wrists to swing
The handle down and hear the axe's edge
Nick through your flesh and creak into the block.

It's probably pretty clear how I feel about Valentine's Day.  Don't care for it one bit.

Project Hot Bod 2012

My roommate Shmems (Emily) and I have made the decision to go to the gym every week day this semester.  So far, we haven't missed a single day.  When there's no school, we get up by 10am and head over to the gym our apartment complex has.  We'd go up on campus, but what's the point when we have a perfectly good gym that is hardly ever occupied?  We love it.  We do cardio, stretching, and weights.  This week we're challenging ourselves to stay fifteen minutes longer than we did last week, which felt so good this morning.

I've never been one for the gym.  I've gone in the past, I've tried to get into a habit, but it's never really stuck.  I've never really felt good about going nor had the desire to go back.  This time around, that isn't the case.  I feel great.  I feel the desire to go every day.  If I don't go, like I didn't on Saturday, I feel a little bit lazy and I don't have the same amount of energy.  I've been turned into a believer.

Some of my goals for this year with regards to project hot bod 2012:

• Go to the gym every weekday
• Walk/run at least a mile every day
• No soda, limited juice
• Lots more water
• Only eating out Friday-Saturday night, no exceptions

Having Shmems do this with me is helping me stick to it. 

Booya

“Water is the only drink for a wise man"

I made the goal last November to quit soda for the month.  I think I lasted until the 29th when I got this drink called Purple Stuff because it's kind of the "it" drink in my apartment.  This semester, I'm quitting soda for the whole shebang.  That's right, no soda, no purple stuff, no carbonated water for this girl until April.  That is, if I decide I don't want to extend this.  

Water is the bomb.  I can't get enough, especially here in Rexburg when I never feel hydrated enough.  Bring it on.

"Maybe I'm a girl"

There's a song by Paul McCartney that was covered by the artist Jem called Maybe I'm Amazed and there's a line that says, "Maybe I'm a girl, maybe I'm a lonely girl in the middle of something that she doesn't really understand" and when I listened to that, I thought to myself, "Hey, I think I am that girl." I'm in this stage of life that's so full of crazy, changing things that I really don't know exactly what it is that I'm doing.

There are a lot of things I don't understand.

That being said..."baby, won't you help me understand?"

2011

January

• Culinary Certified.  I'm so legit.
• Compliment of the year at work.  An old man in an ascot told me my smile is worth millions.
• Sam returned after two excruciatingly long years
• Reapplying to BYU-Idaho.  
• Job hunting

February

• Starbucks. They hired me.
• Gs and Gents.  The sickest dance party my house has ever hosted
• Hot tub nights at Jayson's
• Devastation and Katie Roberts being there to comfort me
• Rendevouz

March

• The birth of my niece, Kate!
• Night on the town with the Ladies at Club BANG!
• Monster shots
• Heartbreak and the realization of a long illusion
• Farewell to Brookstone...again.

April

• Six Flags pass!!!!!!
• PINK HAIR
• Heather's WEDDING.  She's MARRIED
• Hockey games, TV shows, late nights at Erik's
• Forgetting

May

• Birthday games of twister
• D-Box theater and Pirates 4.  What a fun night
• Pajamas and parties
• Overly active social life
• Freddie putting up with my cheerful face every.morning.

June

• Afternoon naps in the sunshine
• Midnight trips to the beach
• Hannah moves in!
• Freddie and Lorretto sharing me.
• Zumba dancing in my living room

July

• Dodger Baseball, all you can eat dogs.
• Glow in the dark party a mi casa
• Duke's with Stefanie.  What a perfect evening
• France: It's a dream
• Whipped cream battle of epic proportions 

August

• Cliff jumping
• The day Freddie made me cry at work.  NOT FUNNY
• Purchasing my longboard.   It's so beautiful..
• Monterey trip, complete with penguins, clam chowder, and more exotic cars than I've ever seen before
• Farewell Starbucks, it was a great ride.

September

• Moving back to Idaho.  I followed my gut, it was the right decision.
• Trips to the caves and dance parties (gross!)
• AWESOME Roommates
• Rockin' classes
• Conference Roadtrip.  So much fun.  So much traffic...

October

• Erik's visit: straw maze, dance party, games, Big Jud's, Mesa Falls...
• My first real asthma attack.  It was terrifying
• Zombie Apocalypse.  It happened.
• Nights spent with the 411 guys.  
• Walking Dead Sundays

November

• Friday night sleepovers of awesome
• The cold.  It happened.
• Thanksgiving at home!  What a wonderful trip
• The best pie crust recipe ever.  It's made with lard, so it HAS to be good
• Skrillex and Christmas decorating.  They go hand in hand.

December

• Completely on a whim making one of the best decisions I made all semester (Justin, that's you)
• Finishing the best semester of my life.  Straight A's for this girl :]
• Study parties on campus.  It's where the magic happens
• Provo adventures with Carly Jo
• Finishing off the year happier than I started it, with more to look forward to.

I said many times that 2011 would be my year.  For the most part, it was.  I think it was an introduction to the rest of my life.  

Hello 2012.