Hardest Year: A review of 2012

January

• Hitting the gym and hitting it hard with Emily 
• D.r.a.m.a
• Realizing that I don't have to put up with people who treat me like I don't matter
• Blanket fort of AWESOME'
• Standing up for myself

February

• Erin's super fun visit to Rexburg!
• Overall jams in 306
• The return of Zombie Sundays
• Superbowl Sunday at Erik's with a TRASHCAN of delicious guacamole
• An awesome trip to California to visit my family

March

• Jetson the altima! I bought him!
• New job at Subway (finally!!)
• Sunday dinners with Mariah and the boys from 211
• HUGE social upswing. What a great month for friends
• Longboarding and unicycling weather

April

• A greater understand of the peace the temple brings
• Falling in love with Bozeman, Montana
• So many credits, so much work, so little time
• Meeting CARLEIGH WALLACE
• Renewed vigor for life

May

• School pressure
• Mother's Day break down
• Days spent in the kitchen 
• Late nights with Carleigh, Vic, and Nate
• Finishing Eng 314 without failing. BOOYA

June

• Bill Cosby. So hilarious.
• Heather in Rexburg!
• Andrew and Brenda's beautiful  reception
• ServSafe certified. Owned it.
• Reconnecting with Justin

July

• Mom's hospitalization. The beginning of an unanticipated road.
• Destroying all the boys at lasertag
• Fourth of July adventure in IF with Carleigh and Madison
• Dark Knight+Carleigh+Chick-Fil-A=Awesome
• Meeting Roger and our fairytale beginning

August

• A trip home to realize the road ahead. And Erik and Ashleigh's wedding!
• Late night pillowtalk with Morgan
• Watching as much of the Olympics with Roger as possible
• White Mystery Airhead taste test experiement and floating the canal
• Storm Chasing

September

• Reunited with dear friends at last!
• The end of some things. The end of Jetson the Altima. The end of my fairytale romance with Roger
• Work ethic like never before.
• Falling in love with Literary Theory
• The feeling of rain mixed with tears

October

• The best conference weekend ever, mixed with the hardest goodbye.
• Facing reality, not wanting to let go of anything.
• Emotional Overload
• My mother's death and funeral. Beautiful and bitterly painful. I miss her so much.
• Inability to function

November

• Saying things I regret, being weaker than I ever wanted to be
• Learning to be more thankful
• Horseback riding with Emily!
• Thanksgiving trip to Utah with Erik and Ashleigh
• Literary hunger. I could live off literature.

December

• Finally selling Jetson
• Completing the hardest semester of my life with a 3.5 GPA
• The return of PINK HAIR!
• A bittersweet Christmas spent learning to love my family even more
• One of the best New Year's of my life.

Through such a tumultuous year, I'm grateful for solid people who've shown love and support through everything I've gone through. I'm blessed to have such choice people in my life.  Thank you!

Let's hope 2013 has better things in store. 

“I'm not just living life, I'm surviving"

If I can get through next week while still maintaining my sanity, I'm fairly certain I can do anything.

Currently I am in class for a total of 23 hours.  After this week, I will drop 12 of those hours because of the two block classes that I have.  On top of that, because of my Advanced Research and Writing class, I'll drop at least 18 hours of researching, writing and rewriting, writing note cards, studying proper MLA formatting, and pouring over plays and poems again and again all week.  I can't wait until this next week is over.  I am going to celebrate with a weekend free of work spent eating Big Jud's, spelunking in the caves, jumping off of sand dunes.  It is going to be seriously awesome.

This has been the most challenging semester of my college career.  I don't have straight A's like I hoped, but I have successfully written several papers, read some fantastic short stories, and made some delicious treats.  An added bonus: I have money in the bank.  Hurray for working while going to school!  I'm thoroughly loving my job.

I would write more, but I'm running out the door to go to work...

"I won't always love what I'll never have"

Today I am twenty-three.

It feels weird to say that I'm twenty-three, since it sounds so adult.  However, I don't feel like I'm that old.  I still feel like an eighteen year old kid.  At the same time, I can look back on what I've accomplished in the past year and I think I've gone leaps and bounds.  Twenty-two was a surprisingly good year.  I think twenty-three will give it a run for it's money.

Here's to another year of adulthood!

“Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught"

It's official: I'm weird.

This weekend I've been musing on the fact that I have a rough draft due tomorrow for my advanced writing class.  I have to pick a poem-any poem, the options are endless-and then find other critiques on it, then disagree with those critiques and then write a paper on that with a new, fresh, never before written take on the poem.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is a huge task.  Granted, the draft is only 1-2 pages of the paper, not a draft of the whole paper... but it's still a big assignment, especially considering I'm a poetry nut and I am so indecisive with picking the poem.  

What does this paper have to do with my weirdness?  I am excited about writing this paper.  It presents a huge challenge and I am through the roof excited to take it on.  I love writing, I've discovered that I love writing papers about literature.  I love it all.  I'm definitely meant to be an English major.  

Hurray for weirdness!

Also, thanks for the prayers and love, everyone.  I've been filled with comfort and I know my mother appreciates all the love and help that our family has received.  She is doing well...I spoke to her yesterday!  Things are looking up.  

"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."

This has been a hard week.

I have a very strong attachment to my mother.  She is the one person who has always been there for me without fail.  She's helped my in my most dire situations, comforted me in my most heartbroken moments, and laughed with me about the silliest things.  Despite her frailty, she is my rock.  She always has the soundest advice and can see situations clearly when I'm too caught up in them.  She is the reason I love cooking.  She's the reason I love reading.  She is the reason I love the Gospel so much.  I was raised by her to embrace those things.  Without her, I wouldn't be the kind of woman I am today.

As the years have passed, her condition has further weakened her, causing my heart to ache.  While I took two years off of school, I value those years greatly, since I was home and able to help her all the time.  It was hard and frustrating at times, but now that I'm living fourteen hours away, I'm glad I spent that time at home.

But still, my heart aches to be home.  It's spring break but I've chosen to remain in Rexburg to work and save money.  On Monday my mother suffered a minor stroke, leaving her speech slurred and the mobility of her right side limited.  I feel helpless this far away.  I feel alone.  I feel distraught that I'm not able to offer any sort of aid, that I chose to stay here when I had the opportunity to be in California at her side.  She has been there for me whenever I've needed her, but I feel unable to be there for her.

I've been to the temple numerous times, I've fasted, I've poured my heart out in prayer.  That's the best I can do.  The Lord knows what He's doing.

Photo credit: Miriam  

I stole this from your flickr account.  I'd say sorry, but I'm not.  I love this photo.

"We have heard enough truth and direction in this conference to bring us into the presence of God if we would follow it."

I'm just about to head out the door for work.  I'm bummed, not because I don't get to sleep all day on Saturday, but because I'm going to miss the last half hour of the first session of Conference and also the whole second session.

I don't know if there are words for how grateful I am to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I'm grateful to be old enough to appreciate Conference and the blessing it is.  Although I was distraught at the idea of speaking in church last Sunday, I'm glad I was assigned the topic of preparing and participating in Conference.  I have a rejuvenated desire to really be involved in Conference.  I love it.  I love the words spoken and I feel as though I've had question answered and have received comfort even from the first few talks.

General Conference is a huge blessing.  It's our King Benjamin Moment.  The Lord is speaking to us directly.

Tune in and participate today and tomorrow.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity”

There has been a series of fortunate events in my life these past few weeks.

First of all, I got the job.  I've been working at Subway for about three weeks now and I perpetually smell like  sandwich.  It's a small price to pay, considering I rock that job.  It's fantastic, it fills my free time, and it brings in some pay.  As a poor college student, having any source of income is much appreciated.

Secondly, because I got a job, I turned my search for a car into the real deal.  I made a few phone calls, inspected a car, took it to a mechanic for a better inspection, then bought it.  It feels so grown up, you have no idea.  The car is a '93 Nissan Altima and it needs a little bit of work.  It works well, though, and the price was good for what it needs.  Kelly helped me name him Jetson because of his automatic seatbelts (that only work on the passenger side.)  He's already paid off, I don't need to worry about car payments.  The car insurance I got is such a deal, I was stoked.  I had already gotten quotes from five other agencies, so I almost didn't called them, but I figured I'd do it.  I saved myself over $20 every month.  YEAH!

Next semester I've decided to switch apartments.  It was a sudden decision, sparked by my friend Mariah.  We're not moving very, far, just a building over, but we're excited.  The original plan was to move in together, but we waited too long to make the decision and ended up without the option of moving into the same apartments.  We've settled on being neighbors again, which is alright with me.  I'm mostly just excited for something new, a new ward, and new friends.

Also, I'm excited about spring.  Last weekend it was gorgeous out, so we packed up our blankets and sandwiches and went to the park.  We played bochee ball, frisbee, and most people tried out Kelly's unicycle.  That weekend was a complete tease.  This whole week has been nothing but rainy, windy, and cold days.  I'm so anxious for some sunshine and shorts weather.

But still, life is good.  I love everything right now.