Thursday, April 12, 2012

"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."

This has been a hard week.

I have a very strong attachment to my mother.  She is the one person who has always been there for me without fail.  She's helped my in my most dire situations, comforted me in my most heartbroken moments, and laughed with me about the silliest things.  Despite her frailty, she is my rock.  She always has the soundest advice and can see situations clearly when I'm too caught up in them.  She is the reason I love cooking.  She's the reason I love reading.  She is the reason I love the Gospel so much.  I was raised by her to embrace those things.  Without her, I wouldn't be the kind of woman I am today.

As the years have passed, her condition has further weakened her, causing my heart to ache.  While I took two years off of school, I value those years greatly, since I was home and able to help her all the time.  It was hard and frustrating at times, but now that I'm living fourteen hours away, I'm glad I spent that time at home.

But still, my heart aches to be home.  It's spring break but I've chosen to remain in Rexburg to work and save money.  On Monday my mother suffered a minor stroke, leaving her speech slurred and the mobility of her right side limited.  I feel helpless this far away.  I feel alone.  I feel distraught that I'm not able to offer any sort of aid, that I chose to stay here when I had the opportunity to be in California at her side.  She has been there for me whenever I've needed her, but I feel unable to be there for her.

I've been to the temple numerous times, I've fasted, I've poured my heart out in prayer.  That's the best I can do.  The Lord knows what He's doing.

Photo credit: Miriam  
I stole this from your flickr account.  I'd say sorry, but I'm not.  I love this photo.

1 comment:

Eryn Chauvin said...

Amanda I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My Madam had a stroke last week too so I can understand your worry. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers and please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.