“Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again”

I just finished my 25th journal.  It took me nearly a year to fill it and now that it's done I feel almost relieved.  A lot happened in this past year.  Now I literally don't have to carry it around with me.  I was listening to Anberlin's album New Surrender and the song Breathe stuck out to me.  I feel like that song describes how I feel right now.
It's long overdue, but I've finally closed that chapter of my life.  Sam isn't someone I need to waste any more time on.  I don't need to dwell on what happened. I'm free.

Breathe
Anberlin

This is surrender
To a war-torn life I've lived.
Scars and stripes forever
In need of change I can't resist.

No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes.
Revolution's not easy
With a Civil War on the inside.

No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

I can finally breathe.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.




Hurray for beginning again!

Day 10: A letter to the person I hate most...or someone who hurt me

I thought the letter to my crush day gave me a hard time...I'm having a lot of trouble coming up with something to write here.  I don't even know who I'll write to....  I suppose this will have to do.

Dear Friend,

To this day I'm still not sure what happened between us.  I don't know what I did to make you loathe me, I don't know how we went from being so close to so far so quickly.  It makes me sad because I have a lot of good memories with you.
But you hate me and you hurt me.  You said cruel things to me, you turned people against me, you made me doubt whether or not I was a good person.  I remember the last night we spoke.  I came home sobbing so hard, my mom thought someone had been hurt.  I couldn't catch my breath.  You were just so cruel.  So cold.  No one has ever spoken to me like that before.
I prayed for you that night.  I cried for you and your pains.  I cried because I knew you were losing faith in what I hold dear.  I prayed that you would have strength, that you would find happiness.  I don't know if you have.
All the tears and unkind words aside, I'm glad everything happened they way it did.  It set me off down a path that undoubtedly has put me where I am today.  I have strong friendships and people I love, I have fond memories with good roommates, I have no regrets.  I'm glad you set me down this path, letting me meet the people I have met.
I still wish you happiness.

From,
An old friend