What, am I living in a library?

Two weeks after moving back into our home, we're still in the thick of unpacking. There are boxes stacked in almost every room (my room is piled with them) but we're slowly tackling this huge task. There's more than enough room for all of our stuff, it's just taking a while to actually pull our act together (okay, my act together) and unpack.

Today we attacked the living room and the boxes of my parents books. We have built in book shelves covering one whole wall of that room. Twenty shelves. These shelves are now designated into sections (yes, like a library). We have Religion, the Literature, a shelf of art books, and then the History books with the few extra literature books mixed in, and then the last section is philosophy. We have a lot of books. Oh, and the books in the living room? Yeah, that's only the hardbacks. We still have twenty more shelves to fill in the family room, and who knows if all of the extra books plus the kids books will fit on those. Good thing we have about ten unused bookcases sitting in the garage just waiting to be brought into the house to be filled with countless pages of words.

My parents have more books in their room. My brothers have some books of their own in their room. I have more books than I realized. For the past nine months I've been ordering books online and going to Barnes and Noble and Borders all the time to get books to read, when I actually have a ton. But of course, all my books were packed away. I forgot how many I had. Now I have more books than any other girl my age that I know (except for Natalie, she has more books. That's because she's Natalie).

I love books. I love them. I don't care that people look at me weird when I tell them that never in my life has my family had any form of television aside from VHS tapes and DVDs, because look at what I get. I get more books in my own house than I could ever dream of being able to read. While I was putting away books in the living room, I started looking at some of them, particularly ones in the religion and philosophy sections, and I have this hunger to read them all. So for the next four months while I'm home, I'm going to read as much as I can.


These is our living room bookshelves. The whole section on the far left is all philosophy and the top three shelves in the middle left are History with the bottom one being art books. The far right shelves are religion and literature are the four middle right shelves.


Paper backs in the family room


About fifteen boxes of books that have yet to be unpacked. I'm not really convinced they'll all fit on that bookshelf.


Most of my books (on my old bookshelf that's being kept in my closet to make room for one of the bigger, better bookshelves from the garage.) Granted, the top shelf is just DVDs and some of my journals, I still have a lot of books. Plus a couple boxes of them.

I should be reading instead of blogging.

Called to Serve

I have a lot of guy friends. A lot of them. For some reason they've just been easier to get along with, so we haven't had fights and the friendships have lasted longer than almost every friendship I've had with a girl.

Now that I'm almost twenty, most of my guy friends (the LDS ones, at least) have either left on their missions or have their calls. In January I have three guys leaving: Sam is going to Indiana, James is going to Poland, and Jesse is going to Taiwan. I am unbelievably excited for the three of them and I'm excited to see how they grow and change over the next two years. However, even though this is a joyful time and I'm happy they're going, it's still a little bittersweet.

Sam is one of my best friends. At one point we were a little more involved than we were prepared for, but that died and now we're jsut really good friends. We've talked about everything under the sun and he understands me well and I him. I know it's a good thing that he's going to serve the Lord in Indiana, but I'm going to miss him. A lot.

I'm such a whiner.


Me and Sam after his farewell. 12.28.08

Mother Knows Best

There have been many times in my life when I've gone to my mom with worries and problems I've been dealing with. She's listened to me cry and complain and pity myself and then gives me advice. It's always been good advice, but I can't say I've followed it very often. I don't listen well and even when people tell me things, I usually end up doing what I want to do. In the end, I'm always back in my mother's room telling her she was right.

Tonight I went to a wedding reception for a girl I grew up with at church. She's a year older than me and the third girl from our class to get married this year. She has always been kind to me and I call her my friend. But tonight I realized how little I knew her in high school and how I know her even less now. That's how it is with all the girls in our stake.

I saw a large handful of the girls I've known all through middle school and high school. The ones I danced with at stake dances and shared tents with at girls camp. We all smiled and greeted each other and asked about college and we all like it. But really, we're just being polite. I don't really know these girls and, while I'm glad they're enjoying college, they're not my friends. They're friends with each other and they all room together and are in each others wedding parties, but them and me? We're just people who grew up together, so we say hello out of courtesy.

I can't help but wish I had been better friends with the girls in my stake. I had good girlfriends in the stake, but one moved away, one thinks she's superior to me because she graduated a year early, and the other hates me and won't talk to me (for reasons unknown). I picked poor friends, I realize this. Sometimes I just wish I had been able to be good friends with those girls at the wedding receptions. Maybe if I had, I would be better at having best friends. Instead, I go to these wedding receptions and the only people I'm really glad to see and talk to are my leaders from when I was in Young Women's and seminary teachers.

I talked to my mom about this, since I was caught in a fit of self pity. After bursting into tears I mentioned that I know this isn't that big of a deal, but I've got PMS so it feels like a bigger deal than it is. My mom just laughed and listened to me blubber on about high school and not knowing the girls and how poor high school aged Amanda didn't fit in. Then after telling me that high school doesn't matter and you make your real friends in college, she said, "What I think you should do is get a cup of hot chocolate, go to bed, and know that these next few days are going to be tough."

I did just that and I feel much better.

2008. 50 Best Things

1. Moving out of Chapman and into Tuscany with my own bedroom, five other awesome girls (both semesters) and having access to a kitchen all the time. It's awesome.

2. Deciding on a major that works and I really like it! This is a big step. I think I'm more happy with this major than I was with any of my previous ones. Technically it's University Studies, but I've got a cluster in Spanish Literature and a cluster in English Literature, so I'm really a Literature major. With a ballroom dance minor. Bomb.

3. Ending the dumbest relationship ever. I don't think there was a good reason I got into it in the first place. It was tough and the situation wasn't ideal (or good in any way, shape, or form) but we both made it through in one piece. At least I did.

4. Being the Ward Chorister. When I was called, I was terrified. This is one of the few callings I've always thought would be horrible and never ever wanted it, but I was called and I made the commitment to do well. I learned a lot. I'm glad I had that calling.

5. Lunch with Stefanie for a second time. It was lovely. Keep your fingers crossed for next year.

6. The birth of my nephew, Seth Hermansen, in August. I'm glad I was able to be around to see him during his first weeks of life. He's the most adorable baby you've ever seen. I love the kid to bits.

7. Moving back into our house (a work in progress....)! After living in a tiny rental for nine months (...three for me, I was at school for six months), being back home is wonderful. All the late nights my mom stayed up to plan everything for this house have paid off; it's beautiful.

8. Thanksgiving week. Disneyland, Hollywood, San Luis Obispo, Morro Bay, Malibu. It was awesome. I'm glad that I was able to take Eryn around Southern California and it was so fun. Whatever money I spent, it was worth it.

9. New Years Day and seeing Juno with Carly and Daniel. We snuck cider into the theater and then had an extra bottle when we left the theater and were in the car. I opened it and it made a huge mess. It went everywhere. It was awesome. I smelled like cider for forever.

10. Single Adult Volleyball. Even though it ended in April, it was so fun while it lasted. If it started up again, I'd go.

11. Samuel Huse. All around, one of the greatest guys I have ever met. Thanks for being the way you are.

12. Opening day at Dodger Stadium. Sandy Koufax threw the first pitch and it was awesome. I'm glad my Dad chose me to share that experience.

13. Bowling nights in Simi, at least the first ones. We had a lot of fun. We changed the bowling names to be really stupid or offensive and made fun of each other for bowling horribly.

14. Having Randi as a roommate and best friend. She's awesome. I can't WAIT to see her again in April!

15. Español con Señora Peck para dos semestres. Loved those classes (just not the insane amounts of homework in 201...)

16. ROY JONES. Awkward, awesome old man.

17. Hair experiments. Hair cuts and hair dye. Shorter, layered hair. Failed attempt to dye my hair black (glad it didn't work out), and purple hair. Awesome purple hair.

18. Having a car in Rexburg. It made everything that much better. Plus, Jack is the best.

19. Some experiences with the spirit that were so amazing, I can't even put them into words.

20. Love notes on paper air planes. Also, no sceens in our windows so we could throw them out the window and make passing boys pick them up.

21. Fish! Walter, Death Bumps, Roy Jones, and the rest. I loved them.

22. Being hypnotized in my psychology class. It was amazing. I want to do it again. Soooo relaxing!

23. Eryn. Freaking. Tupper. Why were we not better friends when we both lived in Chapman? Seriously. I love you.

24. Breakfast at iHop with muh muh muh Michael Ross! It's an awesome tradition. We need to do it again before you leave for school in January.

25. Phase Ten with our FHE brothers. We played a ridiculous amount. I think we only finished once.

26. Stepping up and dealing with things I don't want to deal with. I may not like the way some things go and how some people act, but not everything in the world is fine and dandy. Not everyone has respect for other people. Sometimes we have to do things and say things we don't really want to.

27. Being a part of that western movie. It was cold, the dance was silly, and the costumes were really silly, but it was really fun. I'm excited to see how it turned out.

28. The Dodger Game on May 23. Bottom of the ninth, one out followed by an hour long rain delay. We were wet. Dodgers lost. It was so much fun. Actually, Memorial day weekend, all around. I forgot how perfect it was.

29. Ingrid Michaelson CDs. I own two of her three. I'm in love with her songs. LOVE.

30. Adventures to IF. Going to Walmart all night, Denny's, iHop, Target, fireworks. Everything. IF is where the party is.

31. Owing pizza and getting pizza when someone else owed it. I like the tradition.

32. The Beatles Tribute Concert during the summer semester! It was SO so very fun! The band was great and it was so awesome.

33. Pregnant dreams. Even though they weirded me out to the max, having those dreams was pretty memorable. I can remember almost every single dream.

34. Growing up and realizing that I am growing up. Taking everything that's happened over the past years has made me realize what kind of person I am and what I need to work on. I'm improving, I think. I like where I'm at. I don't mind growing up.

35. The fantastic day trip to Rigby Lake that ended up being a trip to the Teton Hot Springs. That was SO much fun, ladies.

36. Dance classes. Both of them. They were so much fun. Seriously.

37. The Salt Lake trip! Driving around late, the McClarens (sp?), Temple Square, ihop, the hotel with the really awful shower and creepy guys in the pool. Sleeping in Bern in the trailer on our way there and stopping at Uncle Rod's on the way home. What a great weekend. Seriously.

38. The fourth of July spent at Island Park. Camping, the Indian name game, star gazing, riddles, water skiing and almost killing that canoe with the tube, never have I ever...

39. All of the songs that forever make me think of driving on the 20 towards IF.

40. Taking naps at Porter Park. SO fun! We saw someone propose, Eryn helped me in a desperate time of need, we ate lots of good food, and did practically no homework.

41. Halloween and all the different parties we went to. It made getting those teeth and contacts totally worth it.

42. Frontier Pies and Pushing Daisies. Also, The Fall. ANYTHING that has to do with Lee Pace and his gorgeousness.

43. All the lunches spent with my mom and sister and niece (and the few after Seth was born). I love being so close with them.

44. Reconnecting with Vince. It was unexpected and still a little surreal and weird, but it's nice to not have that wedge between us. Just goes to show that things that end so horribly can eventually be fixed.

45. Finally fitting in as one of the adults. I understand why the adults hang around the dinner table after everyone is done eating. I get to join in on the more mature conversations and I fit. I'm really a big kid now :)

46. Having 22 journals and a blog in progress for transferring them all over to the internet (under an assumed name)

47. Bowling at the Rex and befriending all the employees there. After a while, the bowling got to be a little lame, but being with those people and being somewhere familiar was really fun.

48. Finding the self motivation to really work hard the last half of Fall semester. I didn't do fantastically, but compared to my midterm grades, I was able to bring every grade up. I worked hard and missed out on several opportunities to hang out and have fun with my best friends.

49. Dances. Dance parties (like Halloween, blacklight, At. Anthony) and formal dances (Fall Formal, Preference, both social dance formals). They were all tons and tons of fun. I love dancing.

50. Overall being able to be happy. Finding out what makes me happy and what I want from life. I think I learned a lot about myself this year. It's been good. I'm very happy.

merry christmas

I love Christ.
I love this time of year, when the world has it's hearts and minds turned towards our Savior.

Merry Christmas, bloggers.


This is my favorite Christmas painting.

Getting There

Things are starting to feel a little more comfortable here. True, there are still boxes cluttered in all corners of my room and the storage unit hasn't even been touched, but my mom and I (and the rest of the family, sometimes) have been working hard and everything is coming together. On Monday my mom took some time to show me all the special things in the kitchen, like the pots and pan cupboard that has hooks that slide so they all fit, and the warming drawer, the built in silverware drawers, and the new flour and sugar drawer. It's all really neat and organized.
Something about being in the kitchen and seeing all of my mother's special kitchen things make me all the more excited about culinary school. I just want to take that big, beautiful room and tear it apart, making mess after mess with flour and sugar and cakes and anything else I can manage to pull together. I want to dance around with an apron on, my CD player blasting, and no shoes on my feet. I want to make christmas treats, like peppermint bark and homemade fudge. I want to decorate sugar cookies then sell them at the mall along with hot chocolate. I just want to bake things.
Last night James and I decided to bust out the ginger bread house kit our home teachers brought over. We mixed the icing and put all the candies into bowls in preparation. Our first attempt to stick the house together pretty much failed all around, with the icing too runny (even after I thickened it with LOADS of powdered sugar) and one side of the house longer than the other. Eventually it was sticking and it seemed about ready for the extras. I loaded the roof with icing, letting it drip down to look like snow (it looked pretty awesome), and James decorated it with colorful candies that looked like christmas lights. Then the roof slide off. The sides of the housecaved in. Overall, it was a disaster. We ended up dumping the whole thing into the trash (except for the extra candy. James ate those).

Christmas is in a week. We don't have a tree or decorations out (except for one nativity that James and I came across in the office and took the liberty of setting up on the hearth). Mom hasn't done any shopping yet. It's different this year, but I'm okay with that. We're in this fantastic new house and everything is so beautiful and nice. I love it.

Back in our home

I drove all day yesterday and got home at seven. Ten hours, almost exactly.

Being home feels really good. It's nice that it's not freezing outside, or even close to it. It's nice that it's not windy and that there are hills and mountains. It's nice to not be in the rental house anymore and have my own bathroom and tons of space. However, it doesn't feel like home yet.

Our house is different. So different. I keep walking out of my bedroom (which, aside from a new light fixture and molding around the doors, etc. is the same) and going almost into the closet insead of the doorway to the rest of the house. It's further up the hall now and right where the doorway was before is a linen closet. I forgot how big my bedroom is. I know I'm going to fill it, but I just can't seem to figure out how I'm going to.

Going to bed last night, I felt like I was in a strangers home. But once everything is settled, it'll feel right and better.

I miss my cat. He's gone.

Shall we dance?

Saturday afternoon I got to participate in one of my favorite activities of the semester: The Social Dance Competition. This was followed by our class performance at the Big Band Formal last night.

This semester I'm taking Dance 281, in which we learned advanced Foxtrot and Triple Swing as well as basic steps in west coast swing, mambo, samba, and night club two step. For our competition (which was just between the people in our class, since we're the only 281 class) we competed in Night Club Two-Step. It's a simple dance that can be danced to a whole lot of popular music, which makes it really fun. I danced with a guy named Ethan from Blackfoot, ID. He's a really fun guy and he's ALWAYS smiling! On one of the videos Eryn took of us dancing, you cna hear her commenting on how happy he always is. We placed third. We got medals. We were stoked!


Ethan and I dancing in the open swing session.

Last night was the Big Band Social Dance Formal where our class got to show off by performing our incredibly sexy mambo. I danced with a guy named Spencer who's quite a laugh. We had tons of fun dancing together. I still adore the Mambo.


Me and Spencer after our performance. We're trying to look tough, but I look like I'm about to cry.

Last week of Fall 2008

I miss it already.
I don't even leave until Friday.

Closure

As the semester comes to a close, I can't help but wonder where the time went. In the middle of the semester I felt like I was in some sort of limbo, where the beginning of the semester seems a distant memory and the end seemed so far away.

I leave one week from today. I don't feel like I've completed three semesters of college. I don't feel old enough to be almost half way through my college education. It hardly even feels like I was leaving the dorms about a year ago, it seems so much more recent but also such an ancient memory. I'm just caught up in a whirlwind of events that are flying by and then end up suspended in the same spot on the timeline of my memory.

It's a little bit mind boggling. I actually kind of like that it's going so quickly. Before I know it, I'll be done with college and I'll be heading into culinary school. Or married. With kids. (Now that is a weird thought)

I don't think there are words to express how excited I am for my future.

I change my mind a lot

Over the years and more recently these past months, I've changed my mind about what I want to do with my future. I've gone from a high school biology teacher to a nurse to a spanish education major. Now I've got my mind swirling with ideas of starting some sort of bakery out of my kitchen once I get married and have a family. It's not really a career, but it's a hobby type job that will work well with having a family.
I'm still going to finish up my Bachelors in Spanish and English literature and I'm still going to minor in ballroom dance. I realize that doesn't really connect to having a bakery, but I think it's best if I take advantage of being here at this university to learn things that I find interesting and may later come in handy. Later, I can purse my cooking skills at culinary school.

I really want to bake. I want to make cakes. I want to be the next Bakerella. I love it.

I'm lazy

I've been in California almost a whole week and I haven't blogged.
I feel neglectful.

Well, stories and pictures to come sometime next week.
For now, I'm way too tired.

Para una semana, adios Rexburg!

In five hours I'm going to be leaving Rexburg for a whole week. I am beyond excited. I'm bringing Eryn and Hernan and a girl from my ward here who's from Camarillo home. 14-15 hour drive in one day?

Bring it on.

Tagged

My sister tagged me.


the rules: fourth photo from your fourth folder. (to clarify, since I was really confused with this, the picture is to come from your Pictures folder on your computer desktop)

I have only a few pictures in my Pictures folder, I keep most of them in an album of pictures from this semester. I'm posting the fourth photo from both folders, since I couldn't choose.



This one is from our FHE activity during the week of Halloween. This is James, our FHE group leader and myself. I carved tiny little pumpkins with a travel sized box cutter and James carved his pumpkin into an eye. Later, we set a tray of lighter fluid in his pumpkin and set it aflame. It was a very boy thing to do.




This is Joe. We were on our way out to the location to film our western dance for the movie and he decided to sleep on the way. He slept the entire way, even when we went offroading through a field and some hills. I was impressed.

I'm tagging: Heather, Eryn, Randi, Melissa, and Hernan

Can't stop that mambo beat

We're nearing the end of the semester and that means time to prepare for the dance showcase and competition! I've already got my competition partner, Ethan. We're dancing the two-step and we're all over it. We're only competing with our class, since we're the only 281 class, but I'm confidant we will do well.
On the night of the big band formal, our class has to perform a routine of a dance we learned in class. Our teacher, Sister Hess, has decided we've got the rhythm down enough to perform the Mambo. I am in love with this dance. It's a latin dance, which I enjoy a whole lot, so it's tons of fun. We've got hip action, fancy foot pops, and snazzy moves that look amazing when the whole group does it right. I'm so excited to perform.

I love ballroom dance.

Nostalgic.

One of my ex boyfriends is leaving on his mission this Wednesday. He and I have been texting a little bit, just talking about our lives and things that have been happening recently. We've even talked a little bit about us and how we dated three years ago and how things ended badly, but it wasn't our choice. Talking to him made me want to review things through my own perspective, so I busted out my old journals.
Man, I gushed and gushed. It's pretty juvenile, but it was sincere. It's interesting to look back on the things that happened and then how I handled the aftermath of the relationship. Since then I haven't been able to maintain a relationship because I haven't been quite as happy. I feel silly for judging my relationships now against one from when I was sixteen but at the same time, I was really happy then. I want to be that happy again, with someone else.
Someday I will be.

I also bought the new Anberlin CD today. It's awesome. This song is sort of related to this post, but not really. I still really like it

Retrace
Oh, how I've tried to get you out of my head.
And I lied with broken words I said.
Never thought I'd walk on this street again.
Standing where it all began.

Tried to forget when I left this town,
But it takes me right back when I come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
I'm back by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

Oh, how I find every subtle thing screams your name.
It reminds me of places of times we shared.
Couldn't live locked in these memories.
Now I'm chained to my thoughts again.

And I tried to forget when I left this town,
But I'll take you right back if you come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
I'm right there by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

I need some shelter, I need some safety.
Photographs, they haunt me lately.
Chasing shadows as the evening takes me.
I'm still searching, but the picture's fading.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
I'm right there by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards, still counting backwards.

And no where else has ever felt like home.
And I can't fall asleep when I'm lying here alone.
I replay your voice, it's like you're here.
You move the earth, but now the sky is falling.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
In my mind, I'm back by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

Bite me

The past few years I've become much more sarcastic and, eh, almost mean but it's intended to be playful. Almost everyone gets that. Actually, most everyone throws it right back at me and we have a good time. This is now a part of who I am.
How the heck am I supposed to get the idea that someone is irritated if they play along and act like a friend? It's lame and I feel like a jerk for acting like a jerk but I didn't know he thought I was being a jerk. The whole beating around the bush thing, when things aren't said straight up make me feel like I'm back in high school.
I feel lame and I think this situation is lame.

Preference 2008

Last year for Preference I went all out and asked Elliott with a note in jello and we dressed up for the theme and it was just oh so adorable but this year was a little different.
I asked one guy, he bailed to go on another date. I asked another guy, he was going out of town. I asked yet another and he said yes, but since I mixed up the dates, he ended up not being able to go. That's when Eryn intervened. She set me up with one of her friends who, oddly enough, is in my home singles ward, but he had some army activity come up so he couldn't go. Eventually, the day before the dance, Eryn set me up with a guy named Anthony from her dance class. I'd met him once before at the Halloween dance lab, so I was okay with going with him. Actually, by that point I was okay with going with anyone.
On Saturday before the dance Eryn and I made pasta and vegetables along with sparkling cider and french bread. Anthony and Hernan came over and we all ate and joked around and experienced exploding pie pans.
The dance itself was really fun. Anthony turned out to be a fantastic dancer and we pretty much owned the floor with our waltz, foxtrot, salsa, and cha cha. Near the end of the dance the DJ finally played a tango and we did really well with that one, too.
I had so much fun. Anthony was a complete gentleman and Hernan and Eryn had a blast together. So fun.







Edit:: I am in love with that last picture. It was an accident.

I'd blog more, since I feel like venting and blogging is a certain form of release, but the only thing I want to blog about is Proposition 8 and I know the only thing that I'm going to get out of expressing my frustration is even more frustration and sadness because of those who don't agree with my views.

I am, however, going to include some facts about the LDS Church's involvement in the vote so maybe then people might start to realize that it wasn't our church that caused the proposition to pass. It was the majority of California.

The facts:

1. Mormons make up less than 2% of the population of California. There are approximately 800,000 LDS out of a total population of approximately 34 million.

2. Mormon voters were less than 5% of the yes vote. If one estimates that 250,000 LDS are registered voters (the rest being children), then LDS voters made up 4.6% of the Yes vote and 2.4% of the total Proposition 8 vote.

3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) donated no money to the Yes on 8 campaign. Individual members of the Church were encouraged to support the Yes on 8 efforts and, exercising their constitutional right to free speech, donated whatever they felt like donating.

4. The No on 8 campaign raised more money than the Yes on 8 campaign. Unofficial estimates put No on 8 at $38 million and Yes on 8 at $32 million, making it the most expensive non-presidential election in the country.

5. Advertising messages for the Yes on 8 campaign are based on case law and real-life situations. The No on 8 supporters have insisted that the Yes on 8 messaging is based on lies. Every Yes on 8 claim is supported.

6. The majority of our friends and neighbors voted Yes on 8. Los Angeles County voted in favor of Yes on 8. Ventura County voted in favor of Yes on 8.

7. African Americans overwhelmingly supported Yes on 8. Exit polls show that 70% of Black voters chose Yes on 8. This was interesting because the majority of these voters voted for President-elect Obama. No on 8 supporters had assumed that Obama voters would vote No on 8.

8. The majority of Latino voters voted Yes on 8. Exit polls show that the majority of Latinos supported Yes on 8 and cited religious beliefs (assumed to be primarily Catholic).

9. The Yes on 8 coalition was a broad spectrum of religious organizations. Catholics, Evangelicals, Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Muslims - all supported Yes on 8. It is estimated that there are 10 million Catholics and 10 million Protestants in California. Mormons were a tiny fraction of the population represented by Yes on 8 coalition members.

10. Not all Mormons voted in favor of Proposition 8. Our faith accords that each person be allowed to choose for him or her self. Church leaders have asked members to treat other members with "civility, respect and love," despite their differing views.

11. The Church did not violate the principal of separation of church and state. This principle is derived from the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, which reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof . . ." The phrase "separation of church and state", which does not appear in the Constitution itself, is generally traced to an 1802 letter by Thomas Jefferson, although it has since been quoted in several opinions handed down by the United States Supreme Court in recent years. The LDS Church is under no obligation to refrain from participating in the political process, to the extent permitted by law. U.S. election law is very clear that Churches may not endorse candidates, but may support issues. The Church as always been very careful on this matter and occasionally (not often) chooses to support causes that it feels to be of a moral nature.

12. Supporters of Proposition 8 did exactly what the Constitution provides for all citizens: they exercised their First Amendment rights to speak out on an issue that concerned them, make contributions to a cause that they support, and then vote in the regular electoral process. For the most part, this seems to have been done in an open, fair, and civil way. Opponents of 8 have accused supporters of being bigots, liars, and worse. The fact is, we simply did what Americans do - we spoke up, we campaigned, and we voted.


EDIT:: Comments in opposition to this post that are presented in a hostile manner will be deleted (and I will be the judge of what is hostile and what is not). I'm sick of attacks and people only seeing their view as the only possible view that is right. We have different opinions and different views on what is moral and what is not. This does not mean we have the right to be rude to one another.

Beyond ready

The elections are over. I'm so ready for everything to end. I'm sick of the divisions wedging people farther and farther away from each other. I want to be able to be happy with my friends and have them all be happy with me. I don't want the country hating each other based on how we voted. I'm sick of the LDS Church being attacked and slandered. Everything needs to just settle down.
It's sad to see everyone turning against each other. There are some people that I want to just talk to, but I'm so afraid the election will come up and we'll butt heads because of our different views so I just don't talk to them. There have been several things said that I've wanted to respond to, or that have been very offensive to me, but I just don't want to stir up anything or cause contention.
Let's just stop.
I'm tired of it.
Yuck.

Half Birthday Festivities

Today is my half birthday, not that it's significant at all, just that I'm surprised how quickly time has been going. It really doesn't seem that long ago that I was celebrating my birthday with Randi and everyone else. I almost miss that. Summer semester was so so much fun and everything was pretty great.

To continue, we did get pizza from Craigo's in honor of my half birthday and it was delicious. We're now watching 10th Kingdom for the second time this semester. Except that I've never finished it.

p.s. I'm still alive in the assassin game. Bomb!

God listens

Today is Halloween. October 31st. I've been a little upset that it hasn't gotten cold yet. I know that when it does get cold, I'll be wishing for these days when it's in the upper 60s in the afternoon, but I still want it to start snowing. I've been a bit puzzled as to why I'm finding myself in Rexburg at the end of October still only wearing a sweatshirt (if even that) when I go outside. Well, yesterday Heather answered that for me.

On campus we're expanding a lot. The school is growing rapidly, so they're building a couple new buildings. They're in the process of building a huge auditorium that's large enough to hold the entire student body. I'm pretty excited for it, since it's going to be really neat.

Now, what does this have to do with the weather? The roof is not complete. If the roof is not complete before it snows, construction will be delayed until after the winter when the snow melts. In order to continue building, the fauculty has been praying to dely the snow. Thus far, we've only had one weekend of snow and it didn't stick. One more week of sunshine will enable the construction workers to complete the roof of the new auditorium and thus enabling them to continue construction through the Winter.

How awesome is that? Going this long without snow is practically unheard of, but the prayers of the staff have held the Rexburg snow at bay.

I just want to shower

This week our apartment manager replaced the shower heads in our showers. The old ones worked pretty well. Actually, they worked really well. The kind of shower heads that have the right amount of pressure and are all around really awesome. I can shower in fifteen minutes.
So, these new shower heads. The water pressure is fine, I don't mind it. However, the shower head itself it about an inch wide, letting out about a six inch circle of water. If I'm sneaky and turn to the side, I can almost rinse my whole shoulder. My showers are now cold, since the bathroom doesn't heat up anymore, and I can only get a few inches of my skin under the water. My showers are also about ten minutes longer than before, since it takes forever to rinse anything.
I'm going to go to the office and demand the old shower heads back. We're paying for it, we might as well get our money's worth!



Edit:: Tonight is cleaning checks. We found the old shower heads in the trash. Can you say BOMB?

Where's the snow?

With the exception of Mother's Weekend (sorry, Mom and Miriam) we haven't had any snow. It's the last few days of October and the forecast says it'll be up in the 60s all week. What's happening here? This is Rexburg! I feel like I lied to all my friends who have just started here when I told them that it starts snowing in September and doesn't stop until June.

Last year it snowed in September and a few times in October. It finally stuck the weekend I went to Provo (would have been two weekends ago) and we had snow the rest of the semester. I want that again. I want it to be freezing outside. I want to have reason to stay inside and snuggle up with a blanket and hot chocolate to do homework all day. I think I just need more motivation to do my homework...


Edit:: I ODed on halloween candy yesterday. It was awesome. I'm so excited for this week.

Filming

Yesterday may have been one of the longest days of my life. starting off such a long day on a horrible emotional note didn't help the fact that my cold is getting worse every day and I didn't get enough sleep that night.

The drive to Felt was long and filled with country music provided by Joel. I have to admit, as much as I've warmed up to a few country songs presented to me by Randi, I still don't care for the genre one bit. Once we got into Felt we followed the signs to where the field was. It was eventful, since we got to go off roading through several fields which included going up two very very steep hills. It reminded me of going off roading last Fall with Michael, Elliott, and Heather.

It took a while for everyone to show up and to get the camera set up, so we were all standing around in our costumes feeling freezing for the longest time. I have a million little burs burried in my sweatpants from wearing them for less than an hour out of the whole day. I just washed them, too.

Once we started doing takes of the first dance, we realized that the ground we were dancing on was full of sink holes. Every couple of feet you'd take a step and your whole shoe would fall into a hole. Us girls were wearing character heels and I was pretty terrified of accidentally stepping in a sink hole while dancing and twisting my ankle. Luckily we managed to go the whole day without any injuries. The first dance took several takes, since we weren't big enough or Nathan (my partner) kept getting cut out of the frame. We had to film this one part where we're all standing in a big V pointing back towards a small cabin over and over again. The camera man had to run through following the cowboy who was supposed to be having this dream about us, so we had to do it multipul times until they got a good running take. One time, the camera man didn't run straight through the V and he ran smack into me, since I was on the end. Not gonna lie, it really hurt. He smashed my foot. But, in the end, we got all the takes from all the different angles done and we moved on to the next dance. That one was a whole lot easier and it only took about two or three takes from each camera angle.

After a big long break, we all got to go down into a ravine at sunset and wrap the cowboy up in a blanket then carry him out of the ravine to the cabin. The girls ended up not carrying him, we just followed behind. I have NO idea how those guys managed to carry him all the way up that hill without dropping him. We followed behind and it was hard enough to walk on our own without tripping over sick holes and brush.

It was a long day. It was fun and I'm glad I did it, but it was really long. My film debut and final performance. I don't have the patience for being a film actress.

Fall Formal

This weekend Heather and Eryn decided to go to Utah. I would have gone with them, but tomorrow I'll be filming that movie I mentioned in a previous post. I gave them the okay to go this week instead of next week, since we want to be in town for Halloween.
I've been getting sick of the past few days, so I planned on staying home tonight to just do homework, watch movies, and OD on orange juice and cold medicine. Instead, I ended up getting asked to go to Fall Formal with Brock Talbot, from the Thousand Oaks 1st ward. He's in my dance class this semester (because I got him to add after the first day, just for fun) and now we're determined to be dancing feinds so we can raid a stake dance when we go home to show off our snazzy moves. Thus far, we're totally kickin'.
Over all, I'm really glad I decided to go to the dance. It was really fun and it was just awesome to get out of the apartment and do something crazy and awesome.


Edit:: Brock has Jimmy Neutron hair. How awesome is that?

Movie Star

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a movie star. Well, not really, but I am going to be in a short film destined to be show at several film festivals. A few weeks ago in my dance class my teacher announced that a friend of hers' husband is directing a short film he's going to use to break into the film industry. For this film they need fourteen dancers to do a western-ish line dance. I volunteered along with a couple other people from my class and last Saturday we went out to a house (a house with a HUGE dance studio built inside it, I might add) in the outskirts of Rexburg to learn the dance. It's really silly and we're supposed to be overly animated (we're part of a dream sequence), mix in the insanely unattractive frilly dresses and plaid shirts, it's quite a scene. All the same, I'm excited. This Saturday will be spent on location in Felt, Idaho in the middle of nowhere where there isn't even a bathroom unless you drive for a while. Yes, I'm thrilled. Oh, it's almost probably going to be snowing. And freezing. So excited.

Edit::Girls jump to conclusions so quickly. Really, now? Ridiculous.

Distractions

Tonight a few guys from my FHE group decided to come over and do homework since they can't focus in their own apartment. It worked well for quite a while, actually. There were only three of us in the front room and it was silent and we got a lot done. Then two more guys came over and then Eryn came over and everything went downhill. I can't focus on my homework at all. Every time I pick up my phone to text Eryn a secret that the boys can't hear, Alex gives me the look of death and tells me to do my work.
I'll do it before I go to bed. It'll be nice reading to close the day with. Until then, I'll just be ridiculous and not productive. I love life.

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead

So, I'm part of a trio. It consists of myself, Eryn Tupper, and Heather Kunz. We're the best ever.
On Friday night we decided to drive out to Idaho Falls to go play around the 24 hour walmart. We ended up staying in Walmart until about 3 in the morning. Then we went to Denny's until almost 4. It was one of the best nights I've had in a long time. I love those girls.

I stole this from Randi, who got it from Heather

The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety!

What is your favorite..

gum: Probably the orange fruity trident. It's really tasty...

restaurant: Ever? La Super Rica!

drink: Water. I adore water.

season: Probably Fall. I love it when the weather changes from hot to cool and crisp. I like the idea of everything from the previous seasons fall away. It's like the ending before a new beginning.

type of weather: When there's a slight chill to the air and you need a light coat, but the sun is out and the sky is blue and the trees are bright fall colors...

emotion: A good mixture of happy and giddy. It makes things better.

thing to do on a half day: Take a nap then go see friends!

late-night activity: Spontaneous events. Movies. Giggling. Random trips.

sport: Dance. It is a sport.

city: Hmmm...Florence, Santander, Thousand Oaks, Rexburg, and Salt Lake City. I couldn't decide.

store: I seem to find almost everything I want at Target. How weird is that?

When was the last time you..

cried: Eh, last weekend. It was dumb.

played a sport: If you count dance(and I do), yesterday.

laughed: Moments ago.

hugged someone: Moments ago I half hugged Heather when Shelly and I called her into my room to sit on my bed with us

kissed someone: It was a while ago.

felt depressed: Over summer semester. It hit me hard.

felt elated: Coming back to Rexburg. The best feeling ever!

felt overworked: Last week...?

faked sick: It's been a long time since I faked it. I can't even remember

lied: Probably recently. Oh wait, last night. =(

What was the last..

word you said: ...I can't remember. I mumbled something to Shelly (who is sleeping on my bed) but I can't remember what it was)

thing you ate: Waffles! p.s. Randi, Arby's is nasty.

song you listened to: Free Falling by Tom Petty. It came on Pandora

thing you drank: Waterrrr

place you went to: Class, Class, The Kimball, HOME

movie you saw: In theaters? I think it was...the Dark Knight...? Or Mama Mia. Tomorrow I'm going to see Walle!

movie you rented: ummm...The Other Boleyn Girl.

concert you attended: Love You Long Time in the summer.

Who was the last person you..

hugged: Heatherrrr!

cried over: Um. I don't remember...weirdddd!

kissed: Whoever knows it, knows it.

danced with: Nathan from my dance class.

shared a secret with: probably Heather or Eryn

had a sleepover with: HEATHER!!

called: Hernan. We went bowling!

went to a movie with: Carly

saw: Shelly

were angry with: Last night I sort of pretended to be super angry with Alex...

couldn't take your eyes off of: Who knows.

obsessed over: Hahaha, it's been a while. I think I've grown up

Have you ever..

danced in the rain: I really love dancing in the rain

kissed someone: Indeed I have

done drugs: Never. Yay me!

drank alcohol: I've had the opportunity to, but I never have

slept around: oh, alllll the time. Psssssssssssh.

partied 'til the sun came up: True!

had a movie marathon: Yep. Lots of fun, but I felt lazy...

gone too far on a dare: Not that I can recall...

spun until you were immensely dizzy: hahaha, plenty of times

taken a survey quite like this before: I used to do them all the time on my myspace page.

Mother's Weekend

This weekend the school hosted an event called Mother's Weekend. They hosted dinners and seminars as well as several other events for mothers and students to attend. I'm really lucky because my mother, along with my sister and nephew, got to come out and visit. However, I think the school having mother's weekend was just an excuse for them to come visit. We didn't attend a single event at the school, in fact Mom was only in Rexburg for a few hours while we had breakfast with Andrew (who was here visiting friends). We just wanted to get together and talk. So we did. It was awesome.

My mother and my sister are two of my very best friends. I love them so very much.

Fact: Idaho is beautiful

Having lived in Southern California all of my life, I've practically got California pride and love flowing through my viens. I love the very suburban area my family lives in, the beach that is so close, the city, the coast, the mountains, everything. It's absolutely gorgeous.
Last fall when I first came to Idaho, I cringed at the flat land and the mountains far off on the horizon and the fields of potatos surrounding Rexburg. I thought to myself, "Why did I pick Idaho?". Now, after having been here for a year, I know why. It's beautiful. It's different from California, but it's beautiful in a different, more rural kind of way. I love it.

50 Cosas

I'm following a trend, thanks to Randi and Heather.
Enjoy.


1. I love cats. If I had to choose between a cat and a dog, I would almost always choose a cat (unless the cat were really unattractive. I'm shallow that way).

2. Sometimes I feel like Cinderella when people ask me to borrow a pair of my shoes. I have lots of shoes and they're all really cute and I wouldn't mind if someone borrowed a pair. However, my feet are tiny. No one ever fits into my shoes so no one borrows them.

3. I'm not sure why or when this came on, but I'm drawn to any article of clothing that is green. I absolutely adore green clothes. Sometimes it looks like I'm growing grass in my closet...or something.

4. I find it fascinating that snow sparkles. My Californian nativeness shows through.

5. I like having a lot of siblings, but I really like that there are only two girls. The two of us are very close with our mother and we get to have lunches together and they get to come visit me. It wouldn't be so special if there were more of us.

6. I sleep on my stomach. I don't know why, but if I don't sleep on my stomach, I don't sleep soundly.

7. I can't sleep if the door is open. I hate having the door open. I also don't like lights. I like it to be as dark as possible when I sleep.

8. I've always been a fan of the Dodgers, by default, but this past season I got really into it. I love baseball. I really really love baseball. And the Dodgers.

9. I LOVE spanish. I love listening to it and learning it and speaking it and everything about it. I just wish I had better ability to speak...

10. Am I really only on ten? Lame. I've recently discovered that I like dresses. A lot. I really like pretty dresses. They're so much better than skirts.

11. I don't like sharing a room. I like having my room be the place I can retreat to when I need some time to myself. It's a safety zone and I want it to be mine.

12. I can't stand when someone is upset with me. It's kind of a bad thing because then I end up letting people walk all over me or I bend over backwards to make them comfortable when that tears me apart just as much as having them be upset with me. It's weird, I know.

13. Lee Pace and John Cusack. My celebrity crushes. I'd marry either in a heartbeat.

14. I never hit the snooze button. Ever. It's the button of death.

15. If I'm going to do something that scares me or makes me nervous, I will allow myself to backdown until I tell myself that I'm doing it. Once I've told myself this, backing down is no longer an option.

16. I played the harp for over five years. I still love it and want to continue, but life in college and with the BYU-Idaho track system, it's not really something that would work out. This makes me really sad.

17. I admit it, I played with Barbies until I was thirteen. I had an obscene amount of dolls, clothes, shoes, and kitchen appliances.

18. I have white hair. My purple hair is no longer purple. It's white and I kind of like it...

19. I like dancing. Ballroom and latin. I enjoy it all. I'm also very proud of my hip action when I dance the cha cha.

20. I own a guitar but I don't play. Someone needs to teach me...

21. I've discovered that when I'm really nervous and standing in high heels, my knee caps moves. A lot. It's weird and it makes me wonder if people are looking at my knees and if they can see my knee cap jumping up and down.

22. Caesar Salad or wraps or anything like that is my favorite. I love it. A lot.

23. You know the Twilight books? I've read them all, some of them several times. I hate those books. I can't stand those books. Honestly, what is the big deal with those books? They're not written well and the characters are beyond annoying.

24. I like to paint my nails with several coats of nail polish...and then peel it off the next day. What a waste.

25. I like to sleep with heavy blankets. Really heavy blankets. If it's thin or light, I don't feel secure and sleepy.

27. Back when I was younger (probably around twelve. Sometime near the Adam days) I decided I really loved penguins. I don't love them as much as I did, but I've kept all my penguin stuffed animals. I think I have close to twenty. Maybe more. I love them.

28. In high school I used to wear my beach sarongs over my jeans. I thought it was really trendy. I'm afraid I was wrong.

29. Pretty much all my dark looks dark eyes, dark hair, thick eyebrows, things like that) come from my italian heritage.

30. I love acting. I've been in countless plays as countless types of characters. I've mastered a cockney accent, a posh british accent, and a new york accent (while speaking shakespeare). I've played everything from a man, Nick Bottom, in mid summer night's dream to a doremouse in The Wizard from Wonderland. I love it. And Onstage kissing isn't as hard as I thought it would be.

31. I am exactly five foot two. I like it. I can wear four inch heels and I'm still shorter than most guys. I don't have to duck when walking by the tree on the sidewalk next to Heritage Manor. Life is good.

32. Out of my public school years, I only have three yearbooks. From my sophomore to senior years in high school, I got into the yearbook around ten times. I'm proud of this. It's exciting.

33. Before my parents sent me to Spain the summer before my senior year, I was terrified of doing things without someone there with me. I didn't really want to go. In fact, I threw fits and I cried and screamed and cried some more about having to go. Going was one of the best things I've ever done. It's really shaped me to be the person I am today.

34. I like chips and salsa, but I'm not big on the chunks of salsa. I'd rather just dip the chip in enough to get covered in the juice then just eat that. I don't know why.

35. I adore cooking. I love it when my mom has me make dinner or help out and there's some instruction I don't understand and she tells me what it means and she tells me how to do it just right. Working with my mother in the kitchen is what has motivated me to work towards culinary school.

36. I bought some red jelly shoes at Ross, because they were cheap and pretty cute and really of comfortable. I have fallen in love with them. I would wear them everywhere if they weren't falling apart already...

37. If I weren't going to have a family and be a stay at home mother, I'd definitely put in the time and work to major in Forensic Anthropology. That would be BOMB.

38. I have very strong opinions regarding love and relationships and such. Because of this I become easily sickened by silly couples. I think I judge too harshly when two people who are dating tell each other they love each other. Sometimes I think that it's not my place to say if they're in love or not, but really, I secretly always think I know if they are or not.

39. I love writing in my journal. It's like an obsession...or an addiction. I'm almost done with my 21st journal. I hope one day to publish them and be the next hit teen novelist. Then I think about the things I've written and I wonder if I want to follow through with that death wish. I write about ridiculous things (everything).

40. I like costumes and Halloween and Fall and hot apple cider. To me, all these things fit hand in hand, like they're best friends. I'm so excited for this time of year.

41. The most rebelious things I've brought myself to actually do would be dying part of my hair purple and riding on a motorcycle. They're not big things, but for me they're pretty huge. I like being obedient.

42. I cannot wait to be a mother. Sometimes when I see little children I want to find the nearest single, temple worthy guy and drag him to the Rexburg temple and marry him. I want a family. It's exciting!

43. In a sort of weird way, I look forward to fire season in California. I love the smell that's in the air and the eerie look of the smoke covering the sun.

44. Although I find Idaho to be rather bland and boring, I love Rexburg and BYU-Idaho. I think people under estimate what an awesome school this is. It's on a completely different level than BYU-Provo but it's neither better nor worse. It's smaller so they way things go down is different. I love it so very much.

45. When my 20 year reunion comes around, I hope I have the most children because I want to get a prize or award of some sort. It would be fun. I probably won't even go, but still.

46. I never thought my mom was right when in high school she told me that I'd make my best friends ever in college. Now that I'm here, I've found that she was completely right. The people I've met here are beyond anything I've every had. I love and cherish these friendships so much.

47. My electronics get names. They're almost always male. Lloyd the computer. Bruce the new Hard drive (RIP Lloyd), Jack the Car. Something about these things just seem masculine.

48. When I was around five, my dad wrote me a blank check (he wrote all over the back of it, too, but I still thought I could use it) so I put it in an empty peanut butter jar and burried it in the backyard. Now matter how many times I searched that flower bed, I never found it again.

49. I love scary movies. They terrify me, but I love watching them. It's weird but fun.

50. When I was young I got lost in the grocery store. An employee found me and brought me over to the bakery while they paged my mom over the intercom. I got a cookie with big sprinkles on it. Now when I see those cookies in the bakery, I think of how incredibly tasty that one was and I wish I was young enough to get lost again.





There.
Fifty things about me. =)

Silent Movies

Heather and I filmed a silent movie yesterday.
I got to play the villain.
It was marvelous.

You may watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOgwMLof3-w


Heather says I really look like a man here.
I agree.
Weird.

Welcome to the rain

I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of rain on the pavement. I sleep with my window open so my room smelled like rain. I love that.
The rain here is something that I enjoy a lot, at least in the Fall. Now that it's started, I'm prepared to never see the sun again this semester. I'm even kind of excited for it to start snowing in a couple of weeks.
I love Rexburg.

Well, I've done it. Now what?

Despite not having a functioning computer at my fingertips all day, everyday, I've completed my homework. I feel accomplished and wonderful. At the same time I wish I had more so that I would be kept busy doing that instead of watching reruns of John and Kate plus eight. I've gotten a jumpstart on my New Testament homework and I'm all over my spanish for tomorrow.

iLearn

This semester almost ALL of my professors have decided to post the homework assignments online. In addition to posting them online, they are to be turned in online. My spanish teacher even found a website that allows you to record things and then leaves the recording in an 'audio dropbox' where she can access them. It's handy for the professors and makes grading things and recieving them simple. However, with the internet as it is here is as sketchy as it is and with iLearn (the school's teacher-student connection device) only working half of the time, homework has suddenly become much harder to complete.

For hours on end iLearn has been inaccessable today, disabling all of my roommate from being able to access our assignments. I've done as much as I could without going on iLearn, which has been a fair amount, but that still leaves me with a couple assignments half done, just not turned in. It's really frusterating.

I know it kills trees, but can't we do homework on paper? Paper can't shut down or stop working.

Settled

I've got most of my things unpacked and everything in my new room (Randi's old room) have been rearranged and it feels like my room and not Randi's. It feels good. I'm quite happy with it.
The roommates of Tuscany 133 this semester are Amanda, Heather, Shelly, Taylor, Tory, and Emily. I don't know Tory or Emily very well, but so far they seem pretty nice. I'm excited for the new semester. Beginning a semester here is a new start completely open to new friends and new classes and experiences. It'll be fun and interesting an I'll probably grow up a little bit more. The friendships I have already will become better and the new ones will add to the long list of good friends I have here.

Looking back on my first year in college, I have to say that this has been the best year of my adolesence. I've made the best of friends and I've experienced so much responsibility and independence and I love it. It's been awesome. BYU-Idaho has been awesome.

Rexburg

After fifteen hours of driving, I'm finally here. It feels like coming home.

I am happy

Recently I've spent a good amount of time reflectin on being an adoptee. It's a big thing in my life which is obvious, because I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't been adopted. Sometimes I completely forget that I was adopted and other times I remember that there is a whole other family out there who knows my name and knows what I look like and they think of me as part of their family. It's a bizarre situation to be in.

I've read a few books on adoption and I've browsed through several message boards of adoptees sharing their experiences and feelings. It's painful and hard for me to read these things. So many of these people are unhappy with their lives and with the decisions those brave birthmothers made. It's frusterating that hardly anyone feels the way I do.

That being said, I want you all to know how very happy I am. I'm where I was meant to be. I have the family I am supposed to have. I'm very grateful to my birthmother for making the hardest choice of her life to give me the life I need. I'm also grateful that my birthfather supported her in making that decision. My being part of the Packard family is the greatest blessing in my life. I am happy.


Me and Stefanie at our first meeting. May 2007


Our most recent meeting. March 2008.

My friends, they're everywhere

Over this past week I've had two friends recieve their mission calls. One is going to Montana and the other to Michigan. I already have friends serving in Georgia, New Mexico, Arizona, Texas, Latvia, The West Indies, Chile, Brazil, Africa, Japan, and Germany. Although I don't get to see these boys for a good chunk of time, I'm so proud of them. It's so amazing to me that these young men, between the ages of 19 and 21, dedicate two years of their life to serving the Lord. I've always had an appreciation for missionaries but I have even more now. Having these missionaries be boys that I grew up with or went to school with has changed how I view missionaries.
I love it.
I'm putting more thought into going on a mission when I turn 21.

19 days

In just a few weeks I'll be back in Rexburg. It now seems funny to me that I was counting down the days til I came home. I was so excited to be here and see everyone from home. I had all these plans and lists of things I wanted to do. I really haven't done much. Carly has hardly been here, Katie had already moved to Utah by the time I got home, RJ and Elliott are on their missions (along with Tyler and Russell and Nathan) and Sam has been less than exciting. How is it that I used to be such a socialite here and now I spend most of my nights at home since no one is around? It makes me that much more excited to go back to Rexburg.

Heather is in Virginia right now visiting Randi. She also saw Adam, Kristy, and Mandy. I'm insanely jealous. I can't wait to see everyone. I want to stay in Rexburg over the winter. Really badly. We'll see.

p.s. I'm in love with Michael Phelps. Holy cow he's amazing.

Essential

My dad has always told me that there are three essentials for the man I marry. The first is that he must have a testimony of the Gospel. Second that he must be willing to work, and we always forget the third one but my mom recently reminded us that it is that he must be kind. Tonight two more essentials were created.

The fourth essetial: Must like baseball. Earlier in the year I dated a guy from Virginia. He came out to visit the week before school started and I got to take him around and show him all the great things about LA. One of the great things about living here is being able to attend Dodger games. I've gone to them ever since I was little. In fact, my dad went to a Dodger game the night of my birth. We're big Dodger fans (win or lose). So I took Matthew to a Dodger game. It was a fantastic game in which the Dodgers creamed the Padres 11-2. Was Matt interested? Hardly. He spent the entire time scooting closer and closer to me, trying to hold my hand every moment he could. He didn't care any time we scored a run. It was very disappointing. Needless to say, I got rid of him quickly.

The fifth essential goes right along with the fourth, so really it might be essential 4.5. Not only must he like baseball, he must be able to catch a foul ball if it happens to come towards him. My dad and I went to the ball game tonight (great game against the Phillies. We won 7-6, earning us the tied position for first with the Diamondbacks) and almost every time a foul ball was hit, it was either dropped or missed, even by those wearing gloves.

Neopolitan ice cream

Neopolitan ice cream might now be my favorite. It's really tasty.

Working with the boys has been a bit of a challenge lately. They're hard to deal with and they're constantly being defiant and bickering with each other. Today, after a talk with Mom yesterday, things seemed to go a bit smoother. They boys and I went to see Journey to the Center of the Earth (in 3D!) and they really enjoyed it. It was kind of silly, but entertaining enough. And, I have to admit, if I were fifteen I'd have the biggest crush on Josh Hutcherson. He's adorable.

We made a list of things to do this summer. Among those things are going to Medieval times (Sam was thrilled that we're going and might come along) and creating our own super hero costumes with the aid of Joann's fabrics (I'm really excited for this one). This summer has potential to be one of the best, at least when it comes to spending time with the boys.

Away from the homefront, I'm not winning all my battles. But I'm surviving and that's what counts. Any relationship I had with Sam is now just a friendship and I'm perfectly okay with that. In fact, I'd rather it be this way. It's more comfortable.


Me and my friend Kyle at our dance competition.
I miss Idaho.

Sheer Genius

I saw the Dark Knight again (I was offered a free ticket. How can one turn down a free ticket to an AWESOME movie? Impossible.) and it was just as good the second time around. Except there was no guy to hold hands with. (though I suppose I could have held Danny Lang's hand...but that would have been more than awkward.)
This past week I've had the opportunity to hang out with an old friend, Christopher Williams. He went on his mission to Nebraska and now he's back and he has practically no friends. He hangs out with me by default. He's a nice kid, I don't mind spending time with him (since no one else is in town). I think, however, that he might be starting to enjoy spending time with me a little too much. Hopefully I can help him see that I really just want to be his friend, nothing more.

Also, I've been watching the first season of Sheer Genius on youtube. All of those shows, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Sheer Genius, Top Chef, they're all ridiculous. But the challenges are just so neat. I watch these shows just to see what crazy challenges the contestants will have to complete and how the end products turn out. Of course, by doing this I always end up having someone I like best and who I'm secretly rooting for. Why are these shows so silly yet so addicting?

Sunshine

Being home means I live in my sweatpants, I eat the fruit from the kitchen without worrying about how much I paid for it (because I didn't pay for it), and I spend hours on Facebook talking to my roommates. It also means that I get about 150% more sunshine than I ever got in Rexburg. I have color in my skin. More on my left arm than on my right, but still.
I went to go see The Dark Knight last night with Sam and his friend Jordan. I arrived at the theater about 25 minutes before, got my ticket, and waited for the boys. By the time they got there, fifteen minutes later, the movie was sold out. Lucky for them, I was able to trade my 8 o'clock ticket in for the 9:50 show and we went off to Denny's. Sam and his friends have some strange obsession with Denny's. They go there all the time and get massive amounts of pancakes, even if they can't eat them all. Sam made a club out of one of his french fries with the aid of the toothpick from his sandwich. Why am I even friends with him? I ask myself this constantly.
So the Dark Knight. It was awesome. Ledger's performance was amazing and haunting and disturbing but so good you can't help but like it. I'm not fond of Maggie whatshername who replaced Katie Holms as Rachel, but I wasn't a Katie fan either. I nearly bit all my finger nails off, but I managed to keep them in tact. Overall, it was fantastic. Probably better than Ironman. A lot. I think I'll see it again.

Home Sweet Home

After driving 999.0 miles (to the dot), I'm so happy to be home. I never ever want to drive from Idaho to California (or California to Idaho) by myself again. It was hot and boring. And lonely. I was, however, allowed to have as many windows down as made me comfortable and the music was allowed to be as loud as I wanted it. That also means I was allowed to sing as loudly and obnoxiously as I wanted to (and, believe me, I did sing very loudly and very obnoxiously). It kept me awake and alert. I was so excited to get to California. I even screamed in the car once I reached about Woodland Hills. It finally dawned on me that I was going home.

About an hour after getting home, I set out on another drive out to Simi Valley to visit Sam. Because I'm pathetic. Also, everyone else is out of town (including my mother and my sister, whom I really want to see). We watched the Angels vs. Redsox game with his family and looked at pictures and papers from his elementary school days. It was really nice, actually. I didn't have anything to worry about. Nothing to do. No tests or homework orproject to worry about completing. It's a glorious feeling to be thinking, "What's due on Monday? Where do I have to be on Monday? WHAT IS HAPPENING ON MONDAY THAT I'M FORGETTING ABOUT?" Then you realize that there really is nothing. Freedom.

Have I ever mentioned that I love California? I do.
I also love my cat, who doesn't seem to care that I'm home. How depressing.

One more thing. I realized today when I went to church to find out that a girl from my laurel class is pregnant that I really am growing up. My roommate from last fall got married on the 5th. The girl who is now prego got married in March. My high school friend Jeanine got married in June. I have two friends getting married in August. These are all girls who graduated in either 2006 or 2007. I feel so young! I feel too young to have so many friends getting married, and now pregnant! The women in my ward all cracked a joke about when I'm getting married. Or that I need to step it up. I'm nineteen. Why so much pressure? Although I am growing up, I'm still just a kid. Give me some time, people! I can hardly find ONE date per semester, let alone an RM to date and get engaged to. Sheesh.

Finals.

I have two more finals. They're kicking my trash. I've even given in and used that phrase even though I detest is because of it's complete Mormonish-ness.
I didn't drive to Montana with Heather and Randi last night because I needed to study. I stayed in and studied for hours.
I'm stressed out of my mind about my Spanish final. It's 1000 points. A third of my grade. It would make or break me in this class. I'm confident in what I've learned and what I've studied...but then I remember how huge it is and how many different verb conjegations there are and I cringe. Tomorrow at 10:15 I will commence the test of death.

On top of that we had white glove today. From the moment I woke up to half an hour before our check at 7 PM (with the exception of when I went to my Book of Mormon class) I was up to my elbows in cleaning supplies. I think I got high from scrubbing the tub and the toilet (even with the door open). My asthma is going insane, probably from all the chemicals now absorbed into my lungs.

After tomorrow, it'll all be over. I'll be free. And I'm celebrating by bowling at the Rex and baking cookies for Kyle.

I can't wait.

Now I'm off to study more for spanish and psychology. Wish me luck